


It's Never Too Late

by SupernaturalPrincess9



Series: It's Never Too Late [1]
Category: 2Cellos, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst and Humor, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coming Out, Conventions, Declarations Of Love, Divorce, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Issues, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Future Fic, J2, M/M, My Own LIttle Universe, Schmoop, Sexual Content, Soulmates, non-au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-29
Updated: 2015-12-22
Packaged: 2018-05-04 01:08:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 54,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5314313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SupernaturalPrincess9/pseuds/SupernaturalPrincess9
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's 2018 and Supernatural has just ended. Jared and Jensen find a new life post-show. They experience many joys, and sorrow, too. And despite it all, they manage to help a couple of friends find love along the way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Gonna Wrap You Up in My Love

“That’s a wrap!” Bob Singer’s voice rang out through the sound stage.

Jared and Jensen stepped out of the last hug they’d ever share as Sam and Dean and just looked at one another. The last scene of the last episode; the series finale was done. 

Everything was done. 

Well over a decade of their lives had led to this one moment in time. Never again would they share another scene as Sam and Dean Winchester.

As the production staff and crew, the extras, everyone on set, clapped and cheered, Jared and Jensen pulled one another into an emotional hug that was just for them. 

No words were needed, they lost themselves in the comfort each could only find in one another. They held each other tightly, the din of the crew fading into nothing as they breathed each other in, letting the tears fall without any shame.

They broke their hug after several minutes but kept their arms wrapped firmly around one another as they smiled and waved through the tears coursing down their faces, acknowledging the love being sent their way from everyone on the sound stage. Every person there was overwhelmed with emotion; elation for having generated such a high quality product for so long, sadness at the realization it was all behind them now, and nostalgia for all that had transpired over all the years of filming the show.

Jensen was conscious of the heat of Jared’s arm wrapped around his waist. It was a comfort he’d come to count on after so many years. He grounded himself in it; he was close to losing control of his emotions and it was only Jared’s steady presence that kept him from crumbling to the ground as the reality of it all hit him. 

Jensen grasped Jared’s waist a little tighter as emotions continued to roll over him. He felt Jared’s fingers tighten in response and that was more painful than anything – their synchronicity would no longer have a daily outlet.

Jared hung onto Jensen and tried not to think about how everything would change now. 

He couldn’t let himself dwell on what would no longer be as people congratulated them on accomplishing something no one had thought possible: 13 seasons of a show that the CW had put very little effort into marketing. It was amazing that they’d been successful for so long and Jared was thankful for having had the opportunity. 

Ever since they’d started filming season 11, Jared had been dreading the end. And now it was here.

As the euphoria of putting something so profound in the can subsided, Jared and Jensen lowered their arms and slowly walked toward their trailers for the last time. They walked in sync as they always had, their shoulders touching as their long strides carried them forward. By tacit agreement, and without speaking, they went into Jared’s trailer together. 

They flung themselves down onto Jared’s couch and stared at the wall. Legs splayed wide, without conscious thought their legs migrated toward one another as though pulled by a magnet until their knees finally touched. The contact settled them both. They’d never realized this occurred more often than not, but it might surprise them to know that their fans had noticed. 

Those knees, always finding a way to touch.

“I can’t believe it, man.” Jared breathed out as he pulled his long bangs away from his forehead with his fingers, carding them through his hair. “That’s it. Done.” 

Jared’s breath hitched as he inhaled; he worked hard to fight off the tears that were threatening to fall again.

Jensen leaned his head back and stared at the ceiling. “I know. Thirteen years and… that’s it. It’s over, Jay.” 

Neither of the men had wanted to talk about _The End_ during the final months of filming. Secretly they’d been hoping for a season 14, but it wasn’t to be. The fans of the show had tried everything from petitions to emailing campaigns, from protests at the studio to regular snail mail campaigns where they sent pictures of Impalas and photos of Jared and Jensen to the CW studios. 

The Powers That Be were unmovable. 

It was time to go out with a bang, they’d said.

Jensen rubbed absently at his ear. When his fingers came away wet, he realized he was crying and that his tears were running down into his ears. Letting out a shaky breath, he leaned forward and held his face in his hands. He felt Jared shift before his large hand settled between Jensen’s shoulder blades. Jared slowly moved his hand in comforting circles as he watched his best friend cry.

“Hey… Jen… don’t cry.” He whispered as he felt his own tears mount another attack behind his eyes.

Jared wrapped his arm around Jensen, pulling him up against him. He then leaned back and let Jensen’s head rest on his chest. Jared clasped Jensen’s hand in his own and moved them above his heart. He absently stroked his thumb over the back of Jensen’s hand as he gave into his own tears.

Jensen allowed himself to relax into the arms of his friend, grateful for the understanding and comfort he found in Jared’s arms. 

“I don’t want it to be over, Jay…” Jensen whispered. Jared held Jensen tighter to him, rubbing up and down Jensen’s arm with his free hand as he nodded his head in agreement.

“I know, Jen.” Jared whispered. “I would love to do another thirteen seasons with you…” his voice trailing off as another wave of sadness overtook him.

Jared and Jensen cried together for a long time before someone finally came to look for them.

A knock at the door startled them. “Hey guys – it’s the wrap party – let’s go!” Misha yelled through the locked door.

The two men sat up and looked at one another. Jared gave Jensen a small smile. 

“Your eyes are puffy.” Jared said as he gently stroked beneath Jensen’s eye with his thumb. Jensen suppressed a shiver as he looked into Jared’s eyes, which hadn’t fared much better.

Jensen gave Jared a small smile back. “So are yours.”

Jared stood, grabbing Jensen’s hand as he rose. Jensen let Jared pull him into the crook of his arm, smiling as Jared softly kissed his temple.

“We’ll be out in 10 minutes, Misha.” Jared yelled as he led Jensen into his en suite bathroom.

“I’m not waiting! More champagne for me!” Misha yelled back.

Jared rolled his eyes as he ran a wash cloth under cold water. “C’mere.”

Jensen moved beside Jared and let him wipe his eyes and press a cold cloth to them. Jared was holding his face gently with his left hand as he manipulated the wash cloth with his right. While Jensen had his eyes closed as he let Jared tend to him, Jared looked at his friend.

He noted that the years had been very, very kind to Jensen Ackles. In fact, he was probably better looking now than when they first started shooting the show. Sure, he had a few crinkles around his eyes that never truly went away these days, but that only served to show the world that he’d laughed. A lot. 

Jared still thought he was beautiful. He knew he would always think that whenever he looked at Jensen.

Jared finished up with Jensen’s face and pronounced, “There. Now you’re almost as hot as me.” 

Jared smiled as he re-wet the cloth to tackle his own face.

“Nuh uh.” Jensen said, jostling Jared to the side as he grabbed the cloth. “Your turn.” 

Jensen wrung out the excess water from the cloth and took Jared’s face in his grasp. He sighed as he considered the height difference. “Sit on the toilet, dude. I can’t work with your gigantor height.”

“Jealous.” Jared said with a laugh as he sat on the lid. Jensen moved between Jared’s legs to get close enough to clean up his face. Jensen could feel the heat radiating off of Jared’s thighs against his own and it was doing funny things to his stomach, bringing up deeply suppressed feelings he’d pushed down – way down – since he was first aware of them during the third week of shooting the first season.

Jared closed his eyes and let Jensen clean up his face. Without thinking, he wrapped his hand around Jensen’s thigh and absently rubbed his thumb up and down over the denim of Jensen’s jeans.

Jensen suppressed a shudder as he allowed his eyes to travel over a face he’d loved since the moment he’d first seen it light up in a big dimpled smile. Jensen’s eyes got a little misty when he thought about how much Jared had grown since their first days on the set. 

Not knowing what the future held, Jensen scanned Jared’s face with intensity. He’d loved looking at this face for over 260 days a year every year for the last thirteen. Jensen smiled when he thought about his decision to move to Austin during the summer hiatus between seasons 9 and 10. Danneel didn’t understand the move, and wasn’t happy about it, but it was something that Jensen had needed, so she acquiesced.

It was the best decision he’d ever made, in Jensen’s opinion. Knowing that less than 5 minutes separated him and Jared had made Jensen very happy. So, for the last few seasons of the show, Jensen hadn’t just spent around 260 days a year with Jared; it had been more like 360. And it had been perfect.

Except for the few days they were apart each year. Those were always hard. But Jensen always found a way to make it through, despite the deep sense of longing that filled him every time he and Jared were apart for longer than a day.

Now they no longer worked together. Chances were high that he wouldn’t see Jared’s face every day. What if he had to go months without seeing it? He closed his eyes and tamped down the panic.

He hadn’t realized he’d stopped moving as he fought off his anxiety. When Jared gently enfolded Jensen’s hands in his, Jensen opened his eyes and saw that Jared was watching him closely. 

“It’s not the end of _us_ , Jensen.” Jared said softly. “Just the end of us working together on this show. You and I? We’ll always be what we are right now. You know that and I know that in my heart.”

Jensen nodded and tried hard not to think about how he had always wished they were so much more than they were. “I know, Jay.”

Jared stood up and pulled Jensen into a hug. It was a well-practiced maneuver since Jared had never let a day go by without giving Jensen at least one hug. The two men fit their bodies together tightly; it was second nature to them.

“I love you, Jen.” Jared whispered. Jared held on tightly to Jensen, worried that things would change despite his assurances that they wouldn’t. They’d been through so much together, it seemed reasonable to think that their bond would last a life-time. Jared couldn’t let himself think about the possibility that it might not.

“Me too, Jay.” Jensen whispered back, trying hard to believe in the declarations of his best friend.


	2. It's My Party and I'll Cry if I Want To

Suitably freshened up, Jensen and Jared made their way to the parking lot where Clif awaited. He was shifting his considerable bulk from foot to foot as he waited to chauffeur the two actors to the private party in a downtown hotel.

Clif gave them a once over as they walked toward him and he favored them with a small smile. “Tough night, I know. You guys ready?”

The men nodded in unison as Jared clapped Clif on the shoulder. Clif slid into the driver’s seat while Jared and Jensen buckled themselves into the back seat. Jared’s and Jensen’s knees drifted until they were resting against one another. Neither man noticed the habitual contact; however, when Jared reached over and twined his fingers through Jensen’s, Jensen felt his heart skip a beat. They’d never held hands like this before and Jensen found it both comforting and confusing, stirring up emotions he’d fought for so long. 

But he didn’t let go.

The SUV was silent as Clif drove to the hotel. Jared and Jensen looked out their respective windows, watching Vancouver pass by. This had been their primary home for a long, long time and now, and with no new offers for shows shooting in Vancouver on the table, they were faced with uprooting themselves and heading back to the United States fulltime. Their houses in Austin were not far from one another, but neither of them knew where they’d be working next so that made things difficult.

Neither Jared nor Jensen had terminated the leases on their Canadian properties as yet. That would have made _The End_ too real and they’d both been studiously avoiding doing anything to overtly acknowledge this day, despite continual pestering from their wives. 

They had both been hoping for a shot at another show, maybe even something they could work on together. That shot still might come, but there wasn’t anything on the horizon yet.

When Clif pulled in front of the hotel, Jensen squeezed Jared’s hand gently before releasing it and then touched Jared’s shoulder briefly, drawing strength from him. Jared patted Jensen’s knee and then alit from the vehicle. He waited until Jensen was at his side and then he threw his arm around him and guided him inside.

Both men kept their heads down as the flashing of cameras announced their arrival. Jared tightened his hold on Jensen as the screams of fan-girls assaulted them. Normally they’d interact more with their fans, but with the emotion of the day, they were barely keeping it together as it was. Clif ran ahead of them and cleared a path to the ballroom. As they entered, Clif mumbled, “Why the hell didn’t the studio hire security for the lobby? Sorry guys.”

Jared shook his head and guided Jensen in ahead of him, letting Clif worry about whatever – or whomever – may be following behind them. Out of the hordes of people, Jensen felt like he could breathe again. Jared’s hand remained on his shoulder and Jensen smiled at the irony of how their characters on the show were almost the exact opposite of how Jared and Jensen were; Jared was nearly always the protector in real life. Except if someone went after Jared. Then, from Jensen’s perspective, all bets were off.

“You ok?” Jared asked with concern in his eyes as he looked his friend over.

Jensen nodded. “Yeah. I’m good. You?”

Jared smiled sadly at Jensen. “I could use a drink.” 

Jensen nodded in agreement and let Jared lead the way, which he did by taking Jensen’s hand in his own and carving a path through the crowd. Jensen was surprised by Jared’s continued hand holding. It was making it hard for Jensen to keep his feelings for him at bay. He just kept telling himself it was an emotional day and Jared was using the hand holding as a coping mechanism. 

There was nothing more to it.

The party was cast and crew only so there were no family members present. Technically, Gen could have come as a former guest star, but Jared had asked her to stay home with the kids. It’d been a long time since she’d been on the show and it was easier to have one of them watching Thomas and Shep. 

If Jared were honest with himself, he’d admit that he’d asked her to stay home because he felt this night was for him and Jensen alone. There were things – feelings – Jared had for Jensen that he ruthlessly buried and had kept hidden since the first time he’d laid eyes on Jensen. Jared wouldn't say it out loud, but he didn't want Gen to get in the way during his last Supernatural-related event he'd be able to share with Jensen.

Jared ordered dry martinis for both of them and they regarded the crowd as they waited for their drinks.

Misha was on the dance floor wearing what looked to be a Carmen Miranda fruit-bowl head-dress knock off as he tried to hula hoop. Jared snorted as Jensen rolled his eyes. Misha had always been… weird. They didn’t spend time with him outside of work and PR events if they could avoid it, because they’d just never meshed with him the way they had with many of the other show regulars and guest stars.

Truth be told, Jensen had grown to resent Misha because the studio execs were always forcing them together for publicity purposes. He tried not to let it affect their working relationship, but it was hard sometimes. And often it was made harder by Misha’s crazy fans. He frequently stirred the pot with them, especially with regard to the ship they all seemed to love. Jensen did his best to ignore the hoopla those fans created over an interpretation of two characters that was never intended – or portrayed by Jensen – the way they wanted to see it. Jensen was pleased that when the show ended, Cas had been killed off and the show ended the only way it could: focused on the brothers who were – and always had been – the heart of the show.

Jared and Jensen stayed out of the fray as Richard Speight ran by screaming something about how tricky the Trickster was. Meanwhile, Jim Beaver was swinging a foam bat at Misha’s head, shouting about piñatas and the nose candy that Carmen Miranda used to keep in her shoe. Misha, of course, was scurrying away, flinging his arms from side to side to try to keep his balance on the 4” strappy wedge heels he’d been able to acquire in his 20 minute head start to the festivities.

Jared laid his forearm on Jensen’s shoulder as he leaned in to be heard over the raucousness around them.

“I can’t believe this is our last wrap party. These guys are nuts!” Jared watched the action before him fondly as he tried to keep the sadness from creeping in.

Jensen smiled. “Yeah… a crazier group of people never existed.” 

As if to prove a point, Matt Cohen waved at them as he skated by on actual roller skates. He was wearing a long-tailed tux jacket with a white t-shirt and jeans. He actually had some pretty good moves on the skates, switching from forward skating to backward fairly seamlessly.

Jared barked out a laugh. “People would be surprised to know that we’re the sedate ones in all of this.”

Jensen thought people would be surprised to know a lot of things about them. “Yeah, that’s true.”

Jared grabbed Jensen’s arm and led him to an empty table. Without conscious thought, they moved their chairs closer together so that their knees could touch under the table.

Former guest stars, actors who had had small roles and writers came to their table to pay homage to the two men who had been the acting, and sometimes directing (in Jensen’s case) force behind the show. After they’d talked to those who had stopped by the table, they grabbed their drinks and decided to mingle.

Jared spent some time talking to Sebastian Roché about his time on the set of The Vampire Diaries. Sebastian was pontificating about the differences between the two shows as Jared’s eyes tracked Jensen’s movements. Jensen was currently talking Cindy Sampson. Jared had always liked her – and her character Lisa. He’d been a bit sad for Dean when he’d had to give up Lisa and Ben. But, that was the way the show worked: women as love interests may be around for a while but danger always lurked and Sam and Dean would do the right thing and cut ties before it was too late.

Besides, the show had never been about romance. It had been about two brothers who would die for each other. Whenever they answered questions about what drove the show, Jared and Jensen had never wavered from their stance that it was Dean’s love for Sam and Sam’s love for Dean that was the basis and center of the show.

Jensen looked a bit more animated so Jared focused more on his conversation with Sebastian, who was currently wondering why Ian Somerhalder’s hair was so unkempt. Jared thought that, perhaps, he had chosen the wrong time to fully reengage. Or, maybe he was just overly sensitive to hair commentary since, contractually, he’d had to keep his hair long and, at times, too poofy for his liking.

But Jensen had loved his long hair, Jared thought. He’d often find reasons to tousle it, run his fingers through it or to just comment on it. The memories brought a smile to Jared’s face.

Jared was saved from further introspection as Squish took the stage with Jim Michaels at the helm. As the music started up, Sebastian drifted off and Mark Pellegrino went running by to catch him for a dance. 

Jared shook his head as Misha stumbled by screaming “What up, bitches!” 

Felicia Day was running after him screaming about how he should stop stealing her lines.

Jared walked back to the bar and grabbed a third martini. He knew he should slow down but he was finding this whole experience surreal. Jared jumped when he felt a hand on his lower back.

“Hey.” Jensen smiled up at Jared. “You doin’ ok, Jay?”

Jared smiled and pulled Jensen into a hug as he let out a breath. “Yeah… I’m ok. Better now. You?” 

Jared wondered how often he’d be able to hug Jensen in the future. He was used to touching him nearly every single day. He told himself to not dwell on what couldn’t be anymore. It was useless. 

It was over.

Jensen leaned back a little in order to see Jared’s face. “I… um, yeah. I’m doing fine.” 

They could see the lies in each other’s eyes. Jared leaned in and held his lips against Jensen’s forehead. It was more of a connection point than a kiss but it was spontaneous and kept them both rooted in place.

As Jared pulled away, he patted Jensen’s shoulder. “We’ll be ok…” he said, trying to make himself believe it.

Jensen just nodded as he tried to ignore the tingling nerve endings in his forehead where Jared’s lips had been. 

There was so much that neither of the men was saying. They hadn’t talked about _The End_ and even though they were at the wrap party, they still weren’t mentioning anything about it. Jensen figured they were in the denial stage of grief.

“All right everybody!” Jim Michaels shouted into the microphone. “I think we need to get an Impalas reunion up here for a couple of songs and then coax Louden Swain to the stage!” The crowd went wild. 

“Oh god…” Jared laughed as Mark Sheppard stumbled by with Rich Speight riding him piggy-back style.

“HELLS YA!” Richard screamed out while pretending to twirl a lasso over Mark’s head. “Giddy-up you unholy demonic asshat!”

Rob Benedict chased after Mark and Rich, yelling as he ran. “Kings of Con! C’mon Rich… show time!”

“Jesus Christ!” Jensen sniggered into his martini. The two men laughed as they looked at one another.

“Where the hell is Jensen Ackles!” Jim Michaels asked over the sound system. “Jensen, get your ass up here you bastard!”

Not to be outdone, Bob Singer began chants of “Jen-Sen, Jen-Sen…”

“Fuck me.” Jensen breathed out as he handed his drink to Jared. “Here goes nothing…” 

Jensen loped to the stage and jumped up in one smooth motion. Jared smiled as he watched his friend grab the microphone. He didn’t miss a beat as they went right into the Blues Brothers mode.

Jared watched Jensen sing. He clearly loved it so much. It made Jared so happy whenever Jensen enjoyed himself. Jared was so wrapped up in watching Jensen, he didn’t sense Jason Manns approaching.

Jared jumped and sloshed their drinks a bit when Jason leaned in. “He loves singing, doesn’t he?”

Jared turned and smiled at their mutual friend. “He does.” Jared’s face took on a pensive look. “He’s just so talented, Jason.” Jared’s eyes traveled back to where Jensen was working the crowd as he sang. “He can do damn near anything as far as I can tell.”

Jason watched Jared as the other man watched Jensen on stage. “Yeah, Jay. I figure you’re right.” 

Jason wondered what would happen with Jensen and Jared now that the series had wrapped. They’d been so close for so long, Jason had a hard time imagining them losing the closeness, but life had a way of putting distance between people. Once they adjusted to their new lives, there was no telling what might happen.

Jason suppressed a sigh and watched Jensen at his best on stage.

When they handed the stage over to Louden Swain for a set, Jensen walked purposefully over to Jared and Jason. Jared smiled at Jensen and gave him a friendly punch. “Music next, Ackles?”

Jensen blushed. “Nah.” Then he pretended to think. “Maybe if this whole acting this doesn’t work out… You know it’s Robert Pattinson’s back up plan…” All three men laughed at that. 

Jared slid a fresh martini toward Jensen and raised his eyebrow at Jason, who declined another drink. Jared figured a fourth martini wouldn’t hurt him. After all, it was all about the bands and dancing now and he wasn’t involved much in either of those two things.

The three friends chatted with others as they passed. Jared poked Jensen and pointed at Misha who had swapped out the fruit-bowl head gear for light-up devil horns and a raggedy pair of angel wings. Jensen smiled and shook his head. 

Misha was going to have a hangover tomorrow, not to mention sore ankles from those heels.


	3. And Then He Sang to Me

Jim Michaels was back up on stage and calling for everyone’s attention. “Ok folks, how ‘bout we coax that dynamic duo of Jason Manns and Jensen Ackles up here for a song or two before Louden Swain rock the house for the rest of the evening?” 

Loud cheers went up all around the ballroom. Jensen and Jason smiled and made their way to the stage.

They started with Crazy Love and the drunk people sang at the top of their lungs, nearly drowning out the clear and precise tenor voice of the one person Jared really wanted to hear: Jensen. Jared loved the song and found he was irritated with the people who wouldn’t let him listen to his friend sing.

After the song was over Jason leaned over and whispered something to Jensen. Jensen gave him a quizzical look while Jason nodded encouragingly. Jensen looked a little nervous, but nodded his assent.

Jared grabbed a bar stool and took a seat as Jason began strumming his guitar. Jared was somewhat surprised when Jason made no move to sing, but rather let Jensen take the lead.

_Sunlight falls across your back  
And I can't move, I can't react  
Do you know what you do to me?  
You've got me completely_

Jared wasn’t familiar with the song, but Jensen’s voice was pure and sweet as he sang from deep inside himself. 

_And not for long I've been with you  
But I feel like I was made for you  
Do you know what you do to me?  
If you could love me completely?_

Jared watched Jensen raptly. For him, there was no one else in the room at that moment. Jason strummed his guitar and watched Jared watch Jensen. He could tell the exact moment Jensen opened his eyes and held Jared’s gaze.

_I can't explain how I feel about you  
All I know is that I can't live without you  
Without you  
Without you  
Without you................._

Jared wanted to look away, to break the connection that was holding him tight within its grasp. Jensen’s eyes bored into his as he continued to sing.

_I can't even think of words to say  
So complicated when you’re 3,000 miles away  
People say that I should just let you go  
But I won't, cuz I can't and I thought that you should know  
Because you fill my heart with joy  
And cuz you made a man out of this boy  
And cuz you'll forever be on my mind  
And cuz you forever hold my heart_

Jared closed his eyes so he could breathe. “Jesus Christ” he gasped under his breath. What the hell was that? 

Jared couldn’t look back at Jensen although he could feel his eyes on him. Jared spun around on a heel and started walking. He found a pair of French doors at the back of the room that led to a secluded balcony. He ripped the doors open and strode out into the cool night air.

He walked to the balustrade and held onto it for support as he dipped his head and commanded himself to breathe. His palms were sweaty and his heart was racing. He couldn’t get the words of that song out of his head. He could hear Jensen’s voice singing “I can’t explain how I feel about you, all I know is that I can’t live without you.” 

And those words reverberated within Jared’s skull, ricocheting off the carefully constructed walls in his mind where he hid his deepest secrets; specifically the secret about how he’d felt about Jensen since their first weeks filming together.

Jared threw his head back and stared at the moon. He worked to calm himself. Surely Jensen hadn’t been singing a song to him. They were just emotional, with the last day on set, the wrap party… 

Jared shivered when a hand landed on his shoulder. “Jay.”

Jared turned and faced Jensen, his eyes wide and questioning. Jensen looked around the balcony and saw a low couch along the wall. He grabbed Jared’s hand and led him there, sitting close but not touching him.

“Are you ok?” Jensen asked in a low voice, full of concern. Jensen worked hard to keep himself composed. He didn’t know why Jason had wanted to sing that song, but he couldn’t stop himself from looking at Jared as he’d sung it. It hit far too close to home when he let himself consider the secrets he held so tightly in his heart.

Jared searched Jensen’s luminous green eyes for something… different. Something _other_ than what he usually found there. He didn’t see anything unusual, but he still felt unsettled. He blew out a long breath. “Uh… yeah. I’m fine, Jen. Just… too much going on today, you know?”

Jensen was hoping for a different answer, but it was futile. He wasn’t able tell his best friend that he couldn’t help but sing that song to him. He couldn’t tell him he was afraid of the future – of the change that would invariably come now that their Supernatural lives were over. Jensen gave Jared a small smile. “I know – it’s been a lot.”

Jensen shifted his gaze to look out across the courtyard behind the hotel. Carefully tended gardens stretched out past the light glowing from the hotel and into the darkness beyond the illuminated area. The branches of the trees waved in the wind, beckoning him. Without meaning to, Jensen sighed heavily.

Jared reached out his hand and laid it along the back of Jensen’s neck. Jensen tensed at the first contact and then relaxed into the warmth of Jared’s hand against his neck. “I’m here, Jen. Talk to me.”

There were so many lights around them. Jensen felt exposed and wished they were somewhere where the music didn’t bleed through the doors. Somewhere it was darker… somewhere it would be just them. Jensen looked at Jared. “Can we walk for a while?”

Jared nodded. Quiet would be nice after all the stimuli of the day. “Sure.” 

Jared stood and held his hand out to Jensen, helping him to his feet. He longed to keep that hand safely in his own but let go when Jensen was on his feet. Jared was having an on-going war within himself. Between the emotions and the alcohol, he was having a hard time resisting the urge to hold on tight to Jensen and never let him go. He knew he needed to stay focused if his heart was going to escape the night unscathed.

Jensen led the way down the short flight of stairs that led into the courtyard. They stood at the bottom of the steps for a moment until Jensen chose a direction. He took Jared’s hand in his and led him to the right. 

Neither man noticed Jason watching them from behind the French doors, a small smile of hope on his face.

They walked in silence for a while. It was comfortable mostly, although Jared wondered why Jensen hadn’t let go of his hand while Jensen wondered why he couldn’t bring himself to let go of it. 

Finally Jensen broke the silence. “Jay,” he whispered as they strolled, “I’m afraid of what’s next.”

Jared nodded. He understood. “You shouldn’t be you know. Jason and I were talking… you’re just so damn talented Jen. You can do anything – you can act, sing, dance, direct… obviously, you’re gorgeous… you’re a quintuple threat. You’re gonna…”

Jensen stopped and faced Jared. “That’s not what I meant, Jay.”

Jared looked and Jensen in confusion. “Then what are you afraid of? You have a beautiful wife, a beautiful little girl… you have everything you need, right?”

Jensen’s eyes filled with tears as he thought about his wife, his child. He had everything a man could want. But the truth was that he didn’t have everything _he_ needed. There was one thing he shouldn’t want, but he just couldn’t bring himself to let go of his desire. His need for Jared was a fundamental part of him now, and the threat of losing him was more than Jensen could bear.

Jensen knew Jared was trying to make him feel better but he wasn’t _hearing_ him. And right now, Jensen really needed to be heard. “I know all that, Jay. I’m afraid about what happens next for you and me.” 

Jensen let that hang in the air like an early morning fog: nearly impenetrable until you got to the edge of it. And they were at the edge of it now.

Jared exhaled until he had no air left in his lungs. He could feel the atmosphere around them begin to charge as they broached a subject they’d both always understood in their hearts of hearts, but had never – not once – addressed as they’d built their lives around their show, and consequently, each other. Jared let his eyes meet Jensen’s and he allowed his fear to flicker there as well.

“Jay…” Jensen breathed out quietly into the night. Jared nodded. He was scared, too. Jensen stepped toward Jared and then pulled him into a tight hug.

“God… Jensen… I can’t imagine not working with you every day. I can’t imagine not seeing you every day… what am I going to do?” Jared breathed in Jensen’s scent – his shampoo mingled with a scent that was unique to him – all together an aroma that always made Jared smile whenever he caught its scent around him.

Jensen took a shaky breath. “I can’t… I don’t know if I can let you go, Jay… you’re everything to me…”

Jared held Jensen more tightly against him. “I know… you’re everything to me, too.” 

Jared knew that these were not words that friends who were married to other people should say to one another, but they’d finally gotten to a truth that they’d both always known but had never voiced. Their lives were entwined, separate from the show and separate from their wives, their connection was the single most important one of their lives.

“I love you.” Jensen whispered into the cool night air. His voice was so soft that Jared barely heard the words as the breeze carried them out into the universe. Jared closed his eyes and heard nothing but that softly uttered _I love you_ echoing through his mind.


	4. I Will Follow You

Jared’s stomach did a slow roll as he realized that Jensen’s words carried so much more meaning than the “I love yous” they’d said to one another over the years. Jared could feel that this was no “I love you, man.” It hadn’t been casual and it hadn’t been about their friendship, although that was certainly part of it.

Jensen had leapt and Jared was terrified. It wasn’t that he didn’t feel the same way – for truly he did. The man Jared held in his arms had the entirety of his heart. He always would. But… if he said those words back, in the same way they were offered, then they’d be altering their relationship forever. There would be no going back. And they both had so much to lose.

Jared couldn’t take everything Jensen had away from him like that. His family… maybe even his career, his fans. Jensen was talented and Jared had no intention of holding him back. And giving up everything to be together would definitely hold Jensen back. Hollywood was an unforgiving place and the studio executives had little time for gay actors. Everyone knew it and Jared had learned early to suppress those kinds of feelings, focusing on relationships with women. 

When Jared met Jensen, he fell for him quickly, but given the circumstances with them playing brothers, trying for a hit series and the unspoken rule that actors must portray a heterosexual image, Jared buried his feelings early and had ever since. He’d protected himself and Jensen for so long, he couldn’t throw it all away now. There was too much at stake.

Jared released Jensen, stepping back a bit as he grabbed Jensen’s hand in his. As tears started falling from his eyes, he said in a ragged voice, “Jen… I know you do. I’ve always known. But… I can’t… I can’t _love_ you that way.” 

Jared trembled as he watched his best friend try to process the words he’d offered. He felt sick about how cowardly he was being. He loved the man in front of him with every fiber of his being, but if he took what he wanted, so many people would get hurt.

Jensen shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. He had just bared his soul to the single most important person in his life and he was… being rejected. 

Jensen pulled his shaking hand away and wrapped his arms protectively around himself. “You can’t. You _can’t_.” Jensen shook his head again, denying what was happening subconsciously. “Oh Jesus… is it that you _can’t_ or that you _don’t_?”

Jensen watched his best friend struggle to control himself. Jared didn’t want to answer the question, but Jensen fixed him with a stare that wouldn’t allow him to avoid it.

Jared couldn’t disguise the truth in his eyes. He shook his head as he backed further away from the man who held his heart. “I… can’t… Jensen.” Jared held back a sob as he whispered, “I… it’s not that I don’t… I just… can’t…” 

Jensen wasn’t going to let Jared run away from him. He wasn’t going to risk losing him, not after everything they’d been through together. 

Jensen held out his hand. “Jared… please…” 

Jared felt the same way Jensen did. He’d said as much. Jensen understood that acknowledging it would change everything; that they’d hurt people if they pursued their feelings. He tried hard to care about the upheaval all this would cause, but he couldn’t care more about that than he did for Jared.

Jared shook his head as he continued to distance himself from Jensen. His tears fell as he turned to walk away from the temptation before him. “I can’t…” Jared choked out as he strode away from the man he’d secretly loved for over a decade.

Jensen felt his chest tighten and his stomach roll with nausea as he watched Jared walk away from him. He knew he had two choices now. He could let Jared go and risk losing him forever or he could force the issue… and risk losing him forever. It felt like a no-win situation but Jensen meant it when he’d sung that he wouldn’t let him go. 

On pure instinct, and with the thought that just maybe Jared would take a chance on their love, Jensen loped after Jared, catching him at the base of the stairs that led back up to the balcony on which this had started.

Jensen spun Jared around and held his forearms firmly. 

“Jared… I can’t let you run from this. I can’t ignore what I feel anymore and I can’t ignore that you feel it, too!” Jensen’s green eyes were luminous with unshed tears. He didn’t have Jared’s puppy dog expression, but Jensen’s intensity could be undeniable when it flared. And it was flaring now.

Jared looked down into Jensen’s eyes and saw the conviction there. Jensen, rightly or wrongly, had decided that he wasn’t going to run away from his feelings anymore. Despite the heavy cost of what that decision meant, Jensen wouldn’t let him go. He’d probably chase him to the ends of the earth if he had to. 

Jared swallowed thickly over the lump in his throat. Jensen was so brave and he felt… so weak by comparison. “Jen… our kids… our families… our careers… we can’t just destroy it all…” 

Jared closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He could feel Jensen’s hands still firmly gripping his arms. Images of Jensen over the years flashed through his mind. Jensen smiling at him. Jensen taking care of him when he was sick. Jensen sharing his house with him. Jensen, always by his side, always there when he needed him. Jensen… since 2005… it had always been… just… Jensen.

Jared felt his knees give and he fell to the ground, dragging Jensen with him. Jensen wrapped him up in his arms, holding him close, soothing him with his touch as Jared shook with emotion in his arms. “It’ll be ok, Jay. We’ve made it through so much – we can figure this out, right?” 

Jensen swayed slowly from side to side. Whenever he’d held Jared in a hug, he’d always done that – even when it was Dean holding Sam. A gentle rocking motion meant to bring peace, made more difficult since they were both on their knees.

Jensen pressed his cheek to Jared’s, feeling the warmth of his skin against his own. Jensen pressed his lips to Jared’s cheek, placing a soft kiss there. 

“Jared…” Jensen whispered as he kissed his cheek again, this time a bit closer to his mouth. “Please give us a chance… I’m begging you...”

Jared turned his head toward Jensen, kissing his cheek softly, just catching the outer edges of Jensen’s lips with his own. At the contact, both men gasped and held each other tighter. Jensen pressed his forehead to Jared’s, looking into the eyes he’d loved for so long. 

“I need you, Jay.” Jensen whispered softly.

Jared looked into the moss-green swirling depths of Jensen’s eyes and knew he needed him, too. More than anything or anyone. Jared closed his eyes and nodded slowly. 

Yes, Jensen needed him. 

“Need you, too, Jen.” Jared whispered softly, his breath tickling Jensen’s lips with a moist heat.

Jensen shivered at the sensation. Jared felt it and suppressed a groan. He knew that, despite his best intentions, despite wanting to do the honorable thing by walking away from this in order to prevent all the hurt and anguish this would cause their families… he wasn’t strong enough. And the truth was, he didn’t want to be strong enough. 

Not anymore.

When it came to Jensen, Jared could never deny him anything he needed. His heart wouldn’t let him.

Knowing he couldn’t deny it or fight it any longer, Jared angled his head forward, slowly moving his lips closer to Jensen’s. He could feel the heat of the exhalations coming from Jensen’s mouth ghost over his lips. Jared had never wanted something more than to feel Jensen’s lips against his own. He continued the agonizingly slow progression toward Jensen’s mouth.

Jensen let Jared come to him. It had to be his choice. The waiting was killing him, though, turning him into a jumbled mess of want, need, desire and love.

Finally their lips met – softly, sweetly. Jared moaned when he felt the fullness of Jensen’s lips against his own. Jared increased the pressure slightly and felt Jensen’s pillowy lips give, parting slightly… letting him in. Jared wanted to cry at how good those lips felt against his own. 

How right. 

He’d dreamt of kissing that mouth for years, never allowing himself to consider that it might actually happen. 

Jensen threaded his fingers through Jared’s hair, pulling him closer to deepen the kiss. Both men groaned as their tongues met. Jared felt his chest loosen as if a tumbler in a lock had finally fallen into place to open the door to his heart. 

This was _his_ person, his soul mate, the one he was supposed to be with. He’d always known deep down that this was true, but he could never let himself believe it until this moment.

Jensen moaned as Jared’s tongue teased his lips. He’d imagined holding Jared just like this so many times when they’d first met. He’d actually thought it might happen when he and Jared had lived together. But he’d stopped allowing himself to even consider it when Jared had started dating Gen. 

Jensen had once said his favorite memory from the set had been watching Jared fall in love with his wife. It had been a bald-faced lie. Watching Jared pursue Gen relentlessly had been a continual punch to the gut. But he loved Jared and wanted to support him, no matter how much it hurt him.

Once it was clear that Jared was going all-in on Gen, Jensen had swiftly and artfully built his own existence, pulling Danneel into the carefully constructed façade. She’d never guessed that his desire to deepen their relationship was a direct response to Jared pursuing Gen.

Jared continued to kiss Jensen slowly, thoroughly. Jensen gradually took control of the kiss. Each touch, each caress was gentle and full of love. Jensen held Jared’s face in his hands, softly stroking his cheekbones with his thumbs as their mouths sensuously moved together with soft, wet pushes and strokes of their lips and tongues. 

Jared clutched Jensen’s shoulders as he gave into everything he’d always felt for his co-star. He felt as though his world was spinning out of control and coming together all at the same time.

Jason watched his friends from the vantage point of the French doors. He smiled sadly, knowing that his friends had many struggles ahead of them, but at least now, they’d acknowledged what had always been between them. 

“Finally…” Jason whispered against the glass. 

“Holy fuck!” Misha said next to him, causing Jason to jump.


	5. The Honesty's Too Much

Jason grabbed Misha’s arm, trying to get him to stop looking at Jared and Jensen, who continued to kiss with increasing passion at the base of the steps. “Shhhh… Stop! Don’t draw attention to them.” Jason begged urgently. “We gotta keep people away from this door. I don’t want them to be interrupted.”

Misha kept craning his neck to look back at the boys. “But they’re… on their knees… kissing!” Misha said, sotto voce. “It’s hot… I wanna watch!” 

Misha was definitely drunk and his mouth was clearly ahead of his brain. “You know I always joke about them making out and being lovers… I just never thought I’d see it!”

Jason sighed, trying to hear words in all the slurring the man was doing. “Misha – pull it together, dude. That’s private and it’s been a long time in the making. We can’t let them be discovered right now. They’re fragile, man.” Jason was finally able to hold Misha’s gaze.

Misha worked to compose himself. “I hear you.” Jason reached out to steady Misha as he continued to struggle with balance on the heels. “I never thought they’d… well. I assumed that they’d never acknowledge what we all saw. Sorry for my initial reaction. I was stunned.”

Jason patted Misha’s shoulder. “Yeah. I know. I know…” Jason looked around to make sure they weren’t drawing undue attention. “Let’s face away from the doors and look like we’re having an intense conversation… hopefully that will keep people away.”

Misha and Jason did a more than serviceable job of pretending to have a deep conversation, keeping the rest of the party attendees away from the door. They were standing with their backs to the door to give Jared and Jensen their privacy. No one needed to know that they were talking about recipes and whether or not dog racing was humane. To others it probably looked like an intense discussion about how to obtain world peace.

Outside, Jared and Jensen slowly broke apart. They kept their eyes closed for a few moments, foreheads touching lightly, as they caught their breath. Both men were incredibly turned on, but that base desire was just part of the background as there were so many other emotions washing over them. They leaned back and looked into one another’s eyes and saw so much love – but also the fear of what would happen next.

Jared gently stroked his thumb over Jensen’s cheekbone as he leaned in and kissed him softly. “Wow…” he whispered reverently. Jared kissed Jensen again, letting their lips linger in the gentlest of kisses.

“Yeah…” was Jensen’s soft reply. “Wow…” Jared pulled Jensen into a hug and held on tight. Jensen relaxed into it, loving the feeling of Jared’s body heat seeping into him, filling him with joy and love.

Jared kissed Jensen’s neck and whispered, “My knees hurt.” 

Jensen chuckled in his response. “Mine, too.”

Jared took Jensen’s hand and helped him to his feet. He turned and led Jensen back to the sofa where they’d started. He noted that Jason and Misha were standing just inside the French doors, apparently having an intense conversation as they watched the crowd. Jared was certain they’d seen what had transpired between him and Jensen at the base of the steps. Jared looked at Jensen and nodded his head at the door. Jensen visibly paled and grimaced.

Jared threw himself down on the couch, pulling Jensen against him. “So… I’m gonna guess Misha and Jason saw us.” Jared paused for a moment. “And I’m gonna go out on a limb and state that Jason planned that song from start to finish. I saw your confusion when he queued it up.”

Jensen laid his head on Jared’s shoulder. “I’m not going to bet against you on either of those things.” Jensen said with a sigh. 

Jason had been his friend for a long, long time and he knew that he was only trying to help… but this situation was going to be untenable in the short-term. Thinking about all the complications was hurting his brain. He and Jared needed to talk it through, come up with a plan. “So… what are we going to do, Jay?”

Jared pulled Jensen more tightly against him, holding him close. He took Jensen’s hand in his, using his thumb to caress the palm. “Despite trying to run away earlier… I want to be with you Jen. Obviously that’s going to… disrupt ( _destroy_ was the word Jared didn’t choose to say aloud)… two families, and that breaks my heart, but I don’t want to deny what I feel for you anymore. I can’t deny it.” Jared paused and swallowed thickly. “I hate what us being together will do to our wives – our kids – but I think we have to be honest. And the truth? My heart’s never been available to give to my wife… not when it’s been yours all along.”

Jared felt Jensen’s head nod against his shoulder. “Yeah… I know. It’s been the same for me with Danneel.”

Jensen paused and then spoke softly. “The pictures of us, Jared. At the conventions, behind the scenes. When I was alone at night, I’d torment myself by looking at pictures of us. And I could see it, man. All of it. Right there for anyone who wanted to see the truth of how I felt about you. I couldn’t hide it – not all the time. And sometimes… sometimes I’d find a picture of you looking at me and I would think to myself, _he feels it, too_. But then I’d come back to reality where I thought – if you felt it, too – I wouldn’t be alone in my condo nine months a year.”

Jared actually hadn’t seen many pictures of them. Over the years he’d studiously avoided looking at them because he was afraid he’d see just how much he loved Jensen radiating through them. Nevertheless, he knew that there were times when Jensen looked at him with hearts in his eyes, and there was no mistaking the love that poured out of him. Jared had always reveled in those moments, taking that love in and keeping it close for those days when he needed inspiration. 

Instead of arguing with Jensen about whether or not he was really alone in his condo nine months a year if Jared was there at least 3 – 4 times a week, Jared pressed a soft kiss to Jensen’s temple. “So what are we going to do next?”

Jensen leaned away from Jared just enough so he could look into his eyes. “I think we need to tell our wives.” 

Jensen looked a little scared and a little sick at the thought, but he also looked hopeful and resolute.

Jared narrowed his eyes. “So… divorce? Or some kind of arrangement?” 

Jared had never wanted to get divorced. Family was everything to him. He felt sick when he thought of splitting up his family. He didn’t want to do it – but he couldn’t see another way around it. He’d denied his feelings for Jensen for so long… it wouldn’t be fair to anyone if he pretended things hadn’t changed.

Jensen blew out a long breath. “God, Jay… I think it has to be a clean break, don’t you? I mean – Gen and Danneel deserve a chance to find a guy who can love them completely. Obviously that’s not us and can’t be us now… and probably wasn’t us to begin with, right?” 

Jensen gripped Jared’s hand tighter, seeking comfort and strength.

Jared wrapped his arms around Jensen and pulled him into a tight hug. 

“Yeah…” he whispered into Jensen’s neck. “Clean break… custody agreements… try to find a way to minimize the change for the kids.” Jared felt tears gathering. “Jen… this is going to be so hard.”

Jensen kissed Jared softly. “I know… but we can find a… a gentle way to do this if we support each other, right?” 

Jensen wasn’t sure he believed his own words, but he was committed to trying to make this as smooth as possible for everyone. 

The two men looked into one another’s eyes and knew that they were going to need one another to get through this. Jared nodded and kissed Jensen back firmly. 

“I hope so, Jen.” After a few beats, Jared continued. “I’m going to tell Gen tomorrow morning. I think we should both have that talk at the same time, don’t you?”

Jensen agreed. “I do. Let’s do it first thing in the morning and we can text one another afterward. If it seems feasible, maybe we – all 4 of us – can meet at one of our houses and talk about logistics, statements from our agents, stuff like that. So we’re coordinated.” 

Jensen doubted they’d all be able to talk the next day – the girls were going to be hurt and angry and would need time before that discussion – but he had hope; he needed to have hope. It was all that would get him through the next 24 hours.

Satisfied that they had a plan – or at least the start of one, they decided to rejoin the party. They’d make one last round and then have Clif drive them home. 

Before going back inside, Jared pulled Jensen into one last fierce hug. “I love you, Jensen.” he whispered softly near his ear. “We’re gonna be ok.”

Jensen kissed his way to Jared’s mouth. Once there he captured Jared’s lips with his own and kissed him deeply. It was electric and affected both of them down to their toes. After a few moments, Jensen pulled away. 

“I love you, too, Jared. Always.” Jensen’s voice was soft and full of emotion. They smiled weakly at one another, steeling themselves for the confrontations to come. They then broke apart and entered the ballroom through the French doors, startling Misha and Jason, who were still continuing their ruse of deep conversation.


	6. Take It Easy on Me

“Hey!” Misha said far too brightly as he caught sight of his friends. Jared and Jensen looked at him and could see immediately that Misha knew what had happened. They looked at Jason, who radiated a mix of hope and sadness.

“You guys ok?” Jason asked with concern. Jared and Jensen looked at Jason. As they responded to him, they unconsciously moved together until their shoulders were touching. At the contact, they both felt more secure.

“Yeah…” Jared said.

“We’re fine.” Jensen added.

Misha stepped over and pulled them both into a hug. “We’re here if you need us,” he whispered. “You know we’ll support you guys in whatever you do.” With a strong slap to their backs, Misha pulled back with a smile and then teetered away on his heels.

Jason, Jared and Jensen watched him go. Then Jason turned to Jared and Jensen once again. “What can I do?”

Jensen gave Jason a wry look and asked, “Haven’t you done enough tonight?” 

Jensen wasn’t mad. In fact, he should be thanking his friend for providing the clarity he and Jared had needed. Jensen was going to let him sweat a little first before he thanked him.

Jason got a worried look in his eyes. “I… I’m sorry Jensen. You know I just want you to be happy… and I didn’t see that happening if Jared wasn’t by your side, ya know?”

Jensen rested a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “Yeah… I know. I’m not mad. There’s no need to apologize.” Jensen smiled sadly at Jason as Jared looked on. “I should really thank you… we might have left…” 

Jensen swallowed thickly when he thought about how he and Jared would have likely gone back to Austin, initially maintaining their close friendship… until new opportunities taking them in different directions, putting them on different schedules would have eventually kept them apart.

Jared leaned in, pulling Jason into a quick hug, accidentally knocking Jensen’s hand off his shoulder. “Thanks, man.” he whispered. 

Leaning back, Jared looked at Jensen. “Wanna make the rounds before Clif drives us home?” 

Jensen nodded at Jared. “Yeah, let’s do it.” 

The two men walked off together, shoulders bumping as they settled into the same walking rhythm. Their long strides carried them into the crowd.

Jason watched them go with a small smile on his face. He vowed silently to himself that he would be there for both of them when things got tough. And, no doubt about it, things were about to become a shit storm.

Despite what would happen next, Jared and Jensen were two of the finest men Jason knew, always concerned about others, always sacrificing to make others happy, always trying to do the right thing. Jason knew that embracing their feelings for each other would be the hardest thing they’d ever done – not because they were both men, but because of how much this would hurt others. Accepting and embracing this was against their inherently good and giving natures. Jason sighed and hoped they’d find peace soon.

Clif watched Jared and Jensen move through the ballroom, laughing and hugging people as they said their last good-byes. His monitoring of “the boys”, as everyone called them, was surreptitious. He could look totally involved with an entirely different group of people but he would still know exactly where Jared and Jensen were. When they’d disappeared out the French doors and Jason had stood there looking out, Clif had noticed.

He’d gone through an adjacent ballroom and had watched Jared and Jensen walking through the gardens. When he saw them kiss, he’d had the decency to look away. He hadn’t been surprised, other than for the fact he’d thought it would have happened years ago, despite his best efforts to monitor them and to keep them on the straight and narrow, so to speak. That had been what he was paid to do all these years: keep the relationship between Jared and Jensen platonic – at all costs. In more recent times, he’d actually felt guilty about his role in keeping them apart. He’d grown to respect them and he admired their integrity. Now, he didn’t envy them for what they’d be facing over the next few months.

Jared and Jensen finally made their way over to Clif. He smiled at them. “Ready to go, guys?” 

They nodded at him and allowed him to lead them out of the ballroom. When the remaining fangirls started screaming, Jared threw his arm around Jensen, pulling him close, and they hurried out of the hotel following the path that Clif had opened for them.

The two men climbed into the back seat of Clif’s SUV and buckled up for the ride. Jared reached over and took Jensen’s hand in his, threading their fingers together and holding on tight. Clif turned up the music and pulled into traffic. The silence was companionable while the energy between Jared and Jensen was palpable.

Just before Clif neared the area in which both boys had leased condos, he pulled into a gas station. 

“Hope you guys don’t mind me stopping for a moment. I can feel my throat getting sore and I wanna grab some cough drops.” Clif’s throat was just fine. What he wanted to do is give the boys some privacy before he dropped them off. “I also gotta see a man about a horse. Gimme 5 minutes or so, ok?”

“Sure, Clif. Take your time.” Jared smiled warmly at Clif. He returned the smile and jumped out of the car. 

As soon as Clif’s door closed, Jared pulled Jensen into a hug. “I’m having such a hard time not touching and kissing you… it’s like we’ve opened a floodgate.” Jared trailed gentle kisses up Jensen’s neck, loving the way he shivered at the contact.

Jensen pulled back enough to take Jared’s face in his hands. “I love you, Jared. Jesus… I love you so fucking much and I have no idea how I held this in all these years.” 

Jared smiled and pulled Jensen into a kiss. They ate at one another’s mouths hungrily, small noises of need and desire filling the car. Jared’s hands traveled up and down Jensen’s back, pulling him tighter and tighter until not even air could get between them.

After a minute or two, they broke away, both breathless and full of need for one another. Jared kissed Jensen’s eyelids softly. “I love you, too, Jensen. Fuck… I love you so much.” Jared kissed him again hard. “No matter what happens tomorrow, I want to see you later in the day. Whether it’s all four of us or just you and me… I will need to see you. Ok?”

Jensen nodded. “I’ll need to see you, too.” 

Jared kissed Jensen softly, covering his face with gentle kisses until he placed one last firm one on his lips. Jensen felt his heart flutter at the contact. He’d never felt so loved before. 

Jared had always worn his heart on his sleeve and Jensen thought he should have known that if they opened this door, Jared would overwhelm him with his love. Jensen found he only wanted more of it. More of Jared.

One last kiss and they composed themselves as they waited for Clif. A minute later, he was back in the car and heading toward Jensen’s condo. When Clif pulled up to Jensen’s building, Jensen thanked him and gave Jared a quick hug. He smiled at Jared, holding the whispered “I love you” he’d been given close to his heart. “Talk to you tomorrow, Jared.” 

Jared nodded as Jensen closed the door and walked into his building. Clif waited until Jensen was safely inside before pulling away.


	7. The Calm Before the Storm

Minutes later, Clif pulled in front Jared’s building. “Thanks, Clif.” Jared said as he moved to open the door. 

“You’re welcome. And… uh… good luck, Jared. If you need me, call.” Clif didn’t look at Jared as he said it so he missed Jared’s look of dismay.

“Um… thanks, Clif. I will. Night.” Jared quickly left the car and jogged up to the door and into the lobby. He wondered just how many people knew about what had transpired between him and Jensen earlier. He hoped it was just the 3 men he knew about. 

Jared’s hands shook as he pushed the button for his floor. He was feeling sick to his stomach when he approached the door. His hand was still shaking so he struggled in his attempts to unlock the door. He finally got the key into the lock and stepped into the foyer. He punched in the security code to reset the alarm. As he did so, he realized he’d chosen the date on which he’d met Jensen Ackles for the first time as the code to his home. He hadn’t even noticed it until this very moment.

Jared took a deep breath and stopped at the console table just inside the door to place his keys and wallet in their normal spots. He leaned against the table briefly, working to get his emotions under control. As he turned, he ran a hand over his face in a very Jensen-like move to settle himself. He leaned back against the table and looked at the floor, lost in thought, eyes filling with tears.

“Jared.” Genevieve’s voice startled him. He looked up and saw that she was sitting in the dark, alone in the great room, curled up in the corner of the couch.

Jared used a sleeve to dash his tears away quickly. “Uh… hey. Gen.” Jared started walking toward her. “Is everything ok? The kids are ok? Why are you sitting here in the dark?” 

Jared tended to ramble when he was nervous or upset. He was both at the moment, and he knew that would make it even worse, so he forced himself to take a seat and stop talking.

Gen looked at Jared. He’d looked emotionally wrecked when he’d walked through the door. She’d watched every movement as he’d unloaded his keys and wallet. She pivoted on the couch, pulling a blanket into her lap, more for comfort than heat. “I’m fine. The kids are sleeping soundly. I was waiting for you.”

Jared turned his head and looked at her. “I’m home.” He said unnecessarily. He didn’t know what else to say, so he went for social pleasantries. “Did you have a good night? What did you and the kids eat for dinner? Are you tired? Because I’m bushed.”

Gen gave Jared a look of appraisal. He wouldn’t meet her eyes and that was when she knew without a doubt that the time for the talk had come. “Fuck.” She breathed out softly into the quiet of the room.

Jared jerked and clenched his hands. “What? What’s wrong?” He still wasn’t able to look Gen directly in the eye, but he was trying.

“It finally happened, didn’t it.” Gen asked flatly. Jared lifted his eyes and looked at her in confusion, searching for a clue on her face, in her demeanor. Her face offered no help and her body language was definitely withdrawn, but he couldn’t imagine what she was referring to.

“I don’t understand. What are you talking about?” It never occurred to Jared that Gen might intuit that things had changed between him and Jensen, so he was caught completely off-guard when she next spoke.

Gen pulled the blanket more tightly to her and looked Jared in the eye. “The big “it” Jared. You. Jensen. You guys finally… acknowledged… your feelings.” Gen’s eyes were wide and filling with tears, but she’d known this was a possibility from the time she and Jared first started dating. “For each other.”

He’d denied that there was anything between him and Jensen when she’d asked so many years ago. She didn’t believe him at first, but then later, she’d realized he didn’t see it, or maybe he did and didn’t want it. He had no issue with gay people, so it wasn’t some identity crisis within him; she knew that much. So, she’d filed it away, always knowing that it could come up at some point in the future, but always hoping it wouldn’t.

But now, here it was. Gen had been waiting up to see if her little family would make it through the wrap party unscathed. She’d been dreading the party because she suspected that the emotions of the last day on set could be the catalyst that changed the course of all of their lives. She’d been hoping that she was wrong, that Jared and Jensen would have their cry and then some fun and they’d all move on, continuing to double-date and raise their kids together in Austin, families and happiness intact.

Now, she knew her biggest fear was coming true. She mentally kicked herself for not insisting that she accompany Jared to the wrap party. Had she been there, nothing would have happened. Jared would have doted on her as he always had and everything would have been fine.

Jared looked like a deer in the headlights. His eyes were wide and his lips formed an “O” as he tried to find the words to deny it. “Gen… I…” Jared swallowed over the lump in his throat. “I didn’t want… I couldn’t… I just…” 

Jared couldn’t find the words and he couldn’t keep the sobs at bay. He covered his face with his hands and cried. When Jared cried as Sam, he never looked great – his face would get scrunchy and red while his tears would leak out of his eyes, making his cheeks shiny. 

When Jared cried as himself, he looked worse. His whole body shook, his nose ran, he sniffled and choked back sobs. Gen didn’t want to feel sorry for him. She wanted to be angry. She wanted to yell and scream at the injustice of it all. But as she watched Jared collapse in on himself, in obvious agony, she couldn’t do any of those things. Jared had always been so good and sweet and loving to her. She knew he couldn’t help what he felt. 

And she’d always known those feelings were there. Maybe if she’d pressed harder at the beginning, they wouldn’t be where they were. She tried to regret that, but when she thought about her children sleeping soundly down the hall, she couldn’t regret loving this man and creating a family with him.

Gen threw the blanket to the side and inched over to Jared on her knees. She put her arms around her husband and held him as he broke in her arms. “Shhhh…. It’s ok. It’ll be ok, Jared.” She whispered softly. “We’ll figure this out. Don’t cry…” 

Gen murmured words of comfort in Jared’s ear until she felt him relax. When he finally did, she left the couch and came back quickly with Kleenex.

“Here. Blow your nose. Wipe your eyes.” Gen kept her voice even and didn’t let the sadness creep in. If Jared heard that, he’d cry all over her again. Jared took the Kleenex and did as he’d been told, trying to clean up his face a bit. Tears were still leaking from his eyes, but they’d slowed considerably.

Gen sat next to him on the couch and waited. When Jared was ready, he looked at her, trying hard to not start crying again. “Gen… I’m so sorry. You have no idea.” Jared shook his head sadly. “I wish I could go back and just… not go to the party. Or maybe if I’d just brought you… I could have avoided…” Gen watched as Jared compulsively twisted the wedding ring on his finger. Part of him wanted to cling to it, the rest of him wanted to fling it away for being a lie.

Gen rested her hand on Jared’s to stop the twisting. She gently took off Jared’s wedding ring and put it on the coffee table. He looked both terrified and relieved at the same time. Gen sighed and bowed her head, trying to find the right thing to say.

“Jared… I’ve loved you for a long time. You’re impossible not to love. I knew that you and Jensen had… something… that transcended everything. It wasn’t physical, although you two never noticed how much you actually touched one another.” Gen paused, swallowed, and then continued. “It went far beyond emotional… you two would each die for the other. In a heartbeat. You two have always had something that everyone sees and wants for themselves… but nearly no one else finds it. I knew that when I married you. I knew the risk of that connection finally… coalescing existed. I took the chance and I’d do it again.” Gen stopped and watched Jared.

He was, once again, surprised by her words and actions. “It… snuck up on me, Gen. When Jensen and I first started shooting the series, I had a huge man crush on him. In my head, I called it “hero worship”. I idolized Jensen. He was the coolest cat I knew. Later, when Sandy and I broke up, he was there for me. Every day. My best friend. He did all kinds of things for me that I never questioned. I’d never had a friend like him, and I didn’t know that those things he did were way beyond what friends normally do for each other. But I look back on that time now, and I realize that he was… waiting… for me… to realize…”

Jared paused to make sure he wasn’t making Gen uncomfortable. She was watching him and nodding for him to go on. 

“One day, during the writer’s strike in season 3, I realized that my deeply buried feelings for Jensen were… more complicated than I realized. Once we were back on set finishing up the season, I found myself having to make conscious choices to not touch him, to spend time with others who weren’t him. I thought about those things and I considered that I might be co-dependent; that maybe too much of the show was bleeding into my subconscious… I didn’t know. One thing I did know was that I couldn’t risk our friendship, so I kept all those feelings where I’d stowed them years before and went on as I always had. Then I met you and we started dating, getting serious… and those feelings for… him… were pushed so far down that I thought I’d fixed myself.” 

Jared wiped at his eyes as more tears escaped.

Gen patted his knee. “So… what happened tonight, Jared?” 

Gen didn’t really want to know, but she knew she had to hear it so they could move past it. She also knew that Jared needed to talk about it. For tonight, she’d need to be his friend, not his wife. No matter how hard it was, she loved him and always would. Gen knew that how she dealt with this crisis would set the tone for how they would move forward. For everyone’s sake she wanted that to be as positive as possible.

Jared looked at Gen. He didn’t want to hurt her. In her eyes he found love and sadness and determination. He relaxed a little when he saw no condemnation or fury. 

“Are you sure you want me to… tell you about this?” Jared asked quietly. “I don’t want to hurt you worse than I already have, Gen.”

Gen nodded. “I know. But I need to know, Jared. Just tell me.”

Jared gave her an account of the events leading up to Jensen declaring himself. “And then… Jensen told me that he loved me. And I knew it wasn’t the “I love you, man” we’ve exchanged so many times before. He looked at me… and he was scared… but so fucking brave… and then I told him I couldn’t love him that way and walked away.”

Gen gasped. “Oh Jared… you must have broken his heart. How could you just leave him like that?” Jared looked at her in surprise. “What?” she asked brusquely. “Jensen is my friend, too. I love him and I want him to be happy. I don’t want anyone hurting him.” 

Jared shook his head and pulled Gen into a hug, kissing her cheek and then moved back to his original position.

“He came after me.” 

Gen smiled a little through her sadness. “Good for him. You can be such a stubborn shit, especially if you’re trying to do what you think is right. Go on.”

“He… uh… told me he wasn’t going to let me run away from our feelings. When I thought about what this would do to you and Danneel and our children, I fell to the ground… my legs wouldn’t hold me any longer. He fell down with me and then… hugged me as I cried.” 

Jared’s eyes filled with tears again and he dabbed uselessly at his eyes with a soggy Kleenex.

Gen wiped her eyes with her own Kleenex and let out a sigh. “Oh Jared…”

Jared took a deep breath and continued. “We… were like that for a while and then… um… he kissed my cheek and I kissed his… and then…” Jared flushed a bright red as he whispered, “I kissed him.” Jared closed his eyes against the pain he was causing his wife. “I’m so sorry…” 

Gen cleared her throat. “Well, Jared… I’m not going to tell you it’s ok – because this whole situation is fucked up. But I do know that you didn’t do this on purpose. I can see how upset you are. We’re just going to have to be adults about this and figure out how to make it work for the sake of our children. All of our kids.”

Jared nodded in agreement and then looked at Gen sadly. “I don’t deserve the kindness you’re showing me, Gen.”

Gen leaned forward and laid her hand on Jared’s cheek. “Jared… you do deserve this kindness. You don’t have a malicious bone in your body. You’d never hurt someone on purpose. Did you even listen to your story? You were willing to walk away from the person I consider to be your soulmate in order to do what you believed was the honorable thing. That counts, Jared. It doesn’t fix anything – but it shows your character, which I love. You’re a good man and so is Jensen. We’ll figure this out. But let’s get some sleep, ok? I’m exhausted and you must be feeling worse.”

Jared stood and pulled Gen up with him, wrapping her in a hug. “I do love you, Gen.”

Gen nodded into his chest, understanding for certain now that he’d never really been in love with her; not when his heart had always belonged to Jensen. “I know you do, Jared. You don’t know how much I’m going to miss your love. But as long as we can stay friends and co-parents to our kids, I’ll be fine.”

Jared and Gen went to their master suite and got ready for bed. For the first time since their marriage, they didn’t kiss one another goodnight and they very purposefully kept to their own sides of the bed. Neither fell asleep immediately, but eventually the exhaustion took over and they slept until Tom woke them up in the early morning hours.


	8. Hell Hath No Fury

After Clif dropped Jensen off at his home, Jensen let himself into the quiet darkness of the familial abode. Inside, it was cold and silent and he was alone in the entryway. Rubbing his hands over his face, he made his way to the powder room where he washed his face and brushed his teeth. He always kept an extra toothbrush in the half bath near the door so he could brush his teeth quickly if they had guests or if he had to go out unexpectedly. It was a little lazy, but he liked having clean teeth.

Jensen looked at himself in the mirror. He saw hope and fear swirling in his bloodshot eyes. He was looking for a difference in himself. He’d told his best friend that he loved him – that he wanted and needed him – but he didn’t look any different on the outside. He’d been expecting to notice something new or different, but there was nothing he could see.

He gave himself a mental shake and made his way out to the living room. He had no intention of sleeping in the same bed as Danneel. He didn’t want to wake her up; he wasn’t prepared for the conversation they needed to have. Instead, he flipped on the TV, keeping the volume low. He found reruns of How I Met Your Mother and settled into the couch, lying down and letting the noise lull him to sleep.

Eventually, Jensen dreamt. Jared was above him and he was kissing him passionately as he ground his pelvis against Jensen’s; the friction was nearly unbearable and Jensen was thrusting up into the pressure, moaning and needing more. He reached up to grab Jared’s muscular shoulders and was confused when he felt a slight frame and soft shoulders beneath his hands. Jensen was startled awake to find Danneel straddling him, grinding into his morning wood.

“Good morning, baby.” She smiled down at him as she continued to grind into him. “Looks like you’re happy to see me.”

Jensen panicked and nearly threw her off of him, reaching out to steady her at the last moment so she didn’t fall. He scrambled away in the process. 

“Ugh… Danni… um… I have to pee. Be right back.” He turned and left a confused and somewhat stunned Danneel on the sofa as he sought refuge in the powder room. Hyperventilating, he worked to get his racing heart under control. That hadn’t been an auspicious start to the conversation that loomed.

Jensen splashed water on his face, peed and brushed his teeth nervously. He washed his hands and did everything possible to delay his emergence from the half bathroom. When he couldn’t delay any longer, he walked out to find Danneel sitting on the sofa, looking at him suspiciously. 

“What was all that about, Jensen?” Danneel demanded, her eyes flashing with emotion.

Jensen sat opposite her on the sofa, keeping space between them. He saw hurt and concern invade Danneel’s eyes. “What’s wrong, Jensen? What’s going on?”

Jensen looked at her tiredly. “We need to talk, Danni.” 

Jensen took a deep breath as Danneel watched him with growing tension. “I need to talk to you about what happened last night.” 

Jensen was trying to find the words as Danneel’s face turned from suspicion to predator waiting to strike.

“What happened last night, Jensen?” Danneel bit out. “Let me guess… your dick found a piece of strange?” Danneel’s face looked like she was contemplating murder.

Jensen held up his hands. “No, Danni. I didn’t cheat on you with some woman from the wrap party.” 

Danneel looked at him, searching his eyes. She knew he wasn’t lying, but she also knew that whatever came next would be something she wasn’t going to like; potentially something even worse.

“Then what, Jensen? Quit beating around the bush. You’re pissing me off.” Danneel didn’t have patience on her best days.

“I’m not trying to make you mad. I’m sorry. I just am trying to sort out what I want to say.” Jensen looked upset so Danneel tried to hold back her temper and give him some time to start talking. She really was tired of waiting for him to spit it out though.

“I don’t want to hurt you, Danni… but what I’m going to tell you is going to do just that. I don’t know a way around it so I’m just going to say it.” Jensen took a deep breath. “Last night… I told Jared how I felt about him, and he feels the same way about me.”

Danneel looked confused. “What does that have to do with us, Jensen? Why would that make me mad? You guys are best friends… you already know how you feel about each other. You’ve been best friends for years and I know that it’s a tough time for you with the show ending so…” 

Danneel suddenly stopped talking as what Jensen might be trying to say actually registered in her brain. Her eyes grew wide. “Maybe you better expand on what those feelings are, Jensen.” 

Danneel wrapped her arms around herself and closed off her expression as she waited for Jensen to continue.

Jensen took a shaky breath. “I love him.” he whispered.

“Like a best friend.” Danneel added stiffly. “Right?”

“No.” Jensen choked out. “Not like a friend, Danni.”

“Say it, Jensen.” Danneel bit out roughly. “Fucking say it!” she hissed.

“I’m… I… I’m in love with Jared.” Jensen breathed out. “I’m in love with Jared, Danni. I have been for a long time.” Jensen spoke more strongly. It felt good to get it off his chest even though it felt bad breaking Danneel’s heart at the same time.

Danneel wanted to crumble. Fucking Genevieve had been right all those years ago. They’d had a girls weekend and they’d gotten shitty drunk and Danneel had laughed when Gen had asked, “What are we gonna do when Jared and Jensen leave us for each other, Danni?” 

Danneel had found the concept to be hilarious and had brushed it off as the hysteria of a mediocre actor who was desperately tying her fortunes to what she considered to be a famous TV actor with big-time marketability. Danneel had never given it a second thought; she’d never even contemplated that Genevieve might be right… that she saw what Danneel knew others gossiped about… but had always dismissed, assuming that it would never come home to roost.

But now, here it was.

Danneel stood up and started to pace. “So… Jared…” She wanted to punch Jared right now. “He feels the same you say?”

Jensen started to confirm that he did but Danneel held up her hand and continued. “And you two just magically discovered that you were _in love_ with one another last night? Oh, I’d fucking love to know how _that_ happened.” 

Jensen opened up his mouth. “Don’t you fucking talk, Jensen!” Danneel’s voice was taking on a note of hysteria. “So… when I was grinding against you this morning, it wasn’t even me you were thinking about, was it?” 

Jensen looked at the floor as tears gathered in his eyes. Danneel continued, “And this little discussion you wanted to have with me today. It’s about how you’re going to destroy my family because you have a fucking gay crush on your best friend?” Danneel was panting and near yelling at this point. “You’re going to leave me for goddamned Jared Padalecki, Jensen? Really? Jared?”

Danneel bent over and moaned, “Jesus Christ. Fuck me. God… Why, Jensen? Why? Why are you doing this to us? To your daughter? Why are you destroying our family for fucking Jared? It doesn’t make a goddamned bit of sense!”

Jensen looked at Danneel, his heart shattering as he watched a woman he’d built a life with try to comprehend what he was saying. She had tears in her eyes now and her anger had dissipated.

“Danni.” Jensen said softly. “I’m so sorry. I am. I don’t mean to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you… but I can’t lie to you about this and I can’t pretend that I don’t feel what I feel. I didn’t want this to happen. Please – believe me I didn’t want to destroy everything we’ve built. But… I can’t be with you when I feel that way about him. It’s not fair to either of us.”

Danneel found additional anger as she listened to Jensen. “Oh… it’s not fair to either of us, huh? Seems to me you’re getting a pretty sweet deal, Jensen. You leave me and go right into Jared’s… arms. I give you a daughter, I reduce my workload to be supportive of you so you can keep doing your show and the thanks I get is that you suddenly decide you’re gay and are going to run off with your best friend?” 

Danneel picked up a decorative plate and threw it violently at the wall behind Jensen’s head. “I don’t accept that, Jensen! I won’t!” Danneel started crying for real and left the room. Jensen remained seated on the sofa, his hands shaking and tears running down his face. He knew he should go after her, but he couldn’t. He just wanted to curl up in a little ball and cry himself to back to sleep.

Jensen was startled when his phone vibrated. He looked at the screen and saw he had a new text message.

Jared: _Hey. U ok? Talked to Gen. Things ok here. Worried about u. Text when u can. I miss u, Jen._

Jensen smiled a little through his tears. It was so like Jared to be able to finesse his situation and still care about Jensen’s. With shaking fingers, Jensen typed a response back.

Jensen: _Not ok. Not going well. I miss u 2. Tell me this is worth it, J?_

Jared’s response was quick and to the point.

Jared: _It’s worth it Jen. I love u. Come here as soon as u can. I’ll be waiting for u._


	9. Take It All

Jensen felt himself relax a little. Jared was waiting for him and he loved him. 

_Jared loved him._

He wondered briefly if he’d get used to that thought any time soon. Then he focused on how to resolve this with his wife and he wanted to crumble. So he focused on Jared, his love, their connection. He knew without a doubt that Jared had his back. Jared’s support gave Jensen the strength he needed. 

Jensen pushed himself up off the couch and searched for Danneel. He eventually found her face down on the bed in their room.

“Danni…” Jensen said as he sat next to her. Reaching a hand out, he rubbed up and down between her shoulder blades. He could feel the tension in her lack of response to his touch. “I’m so sorry. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to lose… your friendship. I didn’t choose to have these feelings and I…”

Danneel rolled away from Jensen and rose from the bed. “Are you serious, Jensen? You don’t want to lose my… friendship? I’m your fucking wife you jackass! Maybe you didn’t choose these feelings… but you chose to act on them! How do you know they weren’t just a byproduct of the show ending? How do you know that you’re going to have these feelings a year from now? Tell me that.”

Jensen stood and faced Danneel. “I know because… I’ve felt this way for a long time already, Danni.”

Danneel stepped back and grabbed their dresser for support. “How long?” When Jensen didn’t immediately answer, Danneel raised her voice. Jensen was thankful that his daughter was at her first slumber party at a friend’s house nearby so she wouldn’t hear this fight.

Danneel repeated herself when Jensen didn’t immediately answer. “How long, Jensen!”

Jensen looked at her and closed his eyes briefly. When he opened them, he told her the truth. “Since before… before you and I started dating.”

Danneel stopped moving and stood a still as a statue. “Say it again, Jensen.”

Jensen looked at the wall. “I’ve been in love with Jared since the first year of Supernatural.”

Danneel started laughing uncontrollably as tears ran down her face. “You stupid son of a bitch!” she screamed. “I had a Twitter war with Ted Casablanca about how real our wedding was! I’ve defended you when people have hinted that they think you’re gay and you’ve been playing me this whole time?” Danneel sobbed and then got herself back under some semblance of control.

“All this, Jensen, and you think you still deserve my friendship?” Danneel looked at him with undisguised anger.

Jensen hung his head and said softly, “No… I don’t think I deserve it, Danni. I said I hoped to still have it someday.”

Danneel snorted. “Keep hoping, Ackles. Tell me something – were you ever in love with me?”

Jensen looked into Danneel’s eyes. “I’ve always loved you, Danni. I still do.”

Danneel walked over to Jensen, poking a finger into his chest. “That’s not what I asked and you know it. You look me in the eye and tell me… were you ever _in love_ with me.”

Jensen sighed and looked her in the eye. He owed her the truth. “No.”

Danneel pulled his lips back in disgust. “Get out of my house, Jensen. Pack your shit and get the fuck out of here. I don’t care where you go or what you do, but I don’t want you anywhere near me.” 

Danneel struggled to get her breathing back under control. She fixed Jensen in a steely gaze. “You’re going to be sorry that you did this to me, Jensen. I’m going to take half of everything you have and I’m going to go after everything single thing entitled to me by law. Spousal support. Child support. I’m going to stay single until our daughter is 18 and I’m going to take it all! And you’re going to give it to me with a smile on your lying face because if you don’t? I will expose what you are to the world. You do what I say? I won’t make waves in public. But you should know, Jensen, that I will hate you for the rest of my life. Do you hear me?”

Jensen nodded. “I hear you, Danni. And I’m not going to fight you. You can have it all. I know it won’t make up for hurting you, but it’s the right thing to do. Just… don’t stay single to spite me, Danni. Part of the reason I’m doing this is so that you have the chance to find someone who can love you the way you deserve to be loved. I haven’t been fair to you and I don’t want to be that person anymore. You deserve the best and I can’t give it to you.”

Danneel really looked at Jensen. Her expression softened when she realized that he was finally telling her the truth and that he was torn up about it. “Oh Jensen… she whispered. “How did we get here?”

Jensen looked at her with tears in his eyes. “I don’t know, Danni… but I’ll take the blame. It’s on me. I’ll pack some things. Can… can I stay long enough to say good-bye to our daughter?” Jensen’s tears fell as he asked the question. Danneel grabbed a Kleenex from the box next to the bed and handed it to him.

“Yeah… of course. I’ll call Kylie’s mom and tell her I’m coming to pick up JJ. I’ll bring her back so you can say good-bye. Text me when you get to wherever you’re going and we’ll talk about daily visits. I’m not going to take you away from her. She needs you. But I’m going to need time, Jensen. I’m not sure we can ever be friends but I don’t want this to impact our child.”

Jensen nodded as he stood. “Thank you, Danni.” Jensen kissed Danneel’s cheek softly as he went to their walk-in closet to pack. Danneel placed her hand on her cheek and walked out of the room.

Jensen was done packing when Danneel came back with their daughter. Jensen spent several minutes listening to his daughter talk about her first slumber party. After a while, he hugged her and told her he’d see her later. Danneel watched silently as Jensen called Clif for a ride. 

It didn’t take Clif long to get to the condo, but the wait was uncomfortable with Danneel essentially ignoring him. Jensen gave her a sad look and short wave as he closed the door behind him. When he emerged from the lobby, Clif watched Jensen pull his carry-on bag behind him. His heart broke for the man who was not quite a friend, but had certainly been a part of his daily existence for a long time. Jensen got into the back seat as usual and tried to smile at Clif. Clif gave Jensen a sympathetic smile. “It’ll be ok. Jared’s?”

“Jared’s.” Jensen said softly.

“You got it.” Clif turned on music he knew Jensen would like, playing some Little River Band as they drove in silence. Clif surmised that Jared’s conversation with Gen had gone better than Jensen’s with Danneel. Clif wasn’t surprised in the least. 

Gen was a lot less volatile than Danneel and had a different vantage point on the guys’ relationship since she’d actually worked with them, too. On set, Clif had watched Gen watch Jared and Jensen together and he knew that she saw what many other people had over the years, so he guessed she’d had time to prepare for this day. Danneel, on the other hand, was very self-involved and Clif had always suspected that she loved the _idea_ of Jensen more than she actually loved Jensen.

When they got to Jared’s building, Jensen put his hand on Clif’s shoulder. “Thanks, Clif. I appreciate it.” 

Clif nodded and watched sadly as Jensen made his way to Jared’s lobby. Clif wanted nothing but the best for those two. They were fine men. The best, really, and they had hard days ahead.


	10. Love Hurts

Gen and Jared were in the kitchen drinking coffee when they heard the knock on their door. Jared stood and gave Gen a worried look. “Would you give me a couple of minutes alone with him?” 

Gen smiled and patted his hand. “Of course, Jared. I’ll wait here.” 

She busied herself by pulling out food for breakfast. The boys needed to eat after all of the emotional turmoil.

When Jared opened the door, he took one look at Jensen and pulled him into his arms. “Jen… it’s ok. I’m here.” 

Jensen collapsed into Jared’s arms, weak with grief. He’d held himself together during the confrontation with Danneel. He’d put on a smile when he said good-bye to JJ. And he’d kept himself under control on the drive over. But now, with Jared’s arms around him, Jensen let it all out.

Jared didn’t think twice, he just picked up his best friend and carried him to the couch, where he sat down and kept Jensen on his lap and in his arms. Jared gently rocked him as Jensen cried.

Gen looked around the corner quickly and felt tears gather as she watched her husband try to comfort Jensen. Her eyes met Jared’s and they shared a look of sadness and distress. Gen disappeared back into the kitchen, wiping her eyes as she went. Jensen had looked so small and broken in her husband’s arms.

“Shhhh… Jen… I’ve got you.” Jared whispered. “I’m not letting you go. I’m here.” Jared could feel Jensen start to relax into his arms. “It’s going to be ok, Jen.” Jared kissed Jensen’s temple softly. “I love you.” Jensen balled his fists into Jared’s t-shirt and hung on, letting Jared’s love seep into him.

“Jared…” Jensen whispered. “What are we doing? We’re tearing everything apart, man… Danni… she’s so angry…” Jensen shuddered and Jared just hugged him.

“Jensen… I don’t think we can go back, take back the discussions we’ve had, but if you want to stay with Danni, I’ll understand.” Jared was whispering to Jensen as he cried. He hoped like hell Jensen didn’t want to stay with Danni but he wasn’t going to prevent him from doing whatever he thought was best.

Jensen leaned back and looked into Jared’s eyes. “I wanna be with you, Jared. I just hate that I have to destroy everything to finally be free to love you.”

Jared gently cupped Jensen’s face with his hand. Jensen nuzzled into the touch and look up at him. Jared leaned down and kissed Jensen softly, seeking contact and comfort but not probing for more. Jensen looped his arm around Jared’s neck, pulling him closer to deepen the kiss.

Both men gasped as their tongues met, but neither hesitated to lick into the other’s mouth, kissing deeply, making needy noises deep in their throats. Jared tightened his hold on Jensen and Jensen trembled as he felt Jared’s love envelope him. They clutched and grabbed at each other as they lost themselves in one another for a momentary respite from all of the pain and turmoil of the last 12 hours.

Gen rounded the corner into the great room from the kitchen to tell the men that breakfast was ready. She was stopped dead in her tracks by the sight of her husband holding his best friend in his lap, their bodies pressed tightly together with Jensen’s arms wrapped around Jared, clearly oblivious to the rest of the world as they kissed each other with complete abandon. Jensen’s hands were entwined in Jared’s hair and Jared had one arm around Jensen supporting his weight. His free hand was cupping Jensen’s face as they kissed.

Gen tried to hate what she saw before her… but all she saw was over a decade’s worth of love finally coming to fruition. Yes, she was sad, but she’d been somewhat mentally prepared. And they’d get through this. Even Danneel would come around, Gen was sure. Backing away quietly, Gen retreated to the kitchen. She waited for a few minutes before yelling out, “Guys… breakfast is ready!”

Jared and Jensen jumped at the sound of Gen’s voice. “Oh god…” Jensen whispered. “Do you think she saw us? I don’t want to hurt her any more than we already have…” He looked fearful and on edge. Jared kissed him gently. Once. Twice. A third time.

“No… she wanted us to have our privacy.” Jared kissed Jensen’s full lips that he’d kissed slick and swollen, cherishing the sweet softness of them. “I love kissing you, Jen… I can’t get enough of it.” Jared murmured against Jensen’s lips. Jared sighed into Jensen’s mouth. “Let’s go.”

Jared stood up with Jensen still in his arms. Jensen smiled at him. “You don’t have to carry me, Jared.” 

Jared smiled and then kissed Jensen one last time before allowing him to slide down into a standing position.

Jared held Jensen close to him. “I know I don’t have to Jen… but I like to.” Jared kissed Jensen’s temple and then took his hand, leading him to the kitchen. Jensen tried to disengage their hands before Gen could see, but Jared wouldn’t let him. Jared tugged Jensen in the direction of the bar stools at the breakfast bar as Gen smiled as she delivered plates.

Jensen had a hard time meeting her eyes so she walked over to him as he sat down, and stood next to his stool. 

“Jensen.” Gen said softly.

He met her eyes with a rueful look. She smiled at him again and wrapped her arms around him. “It’s ok. It’s all going to be ok. I promise.” 

Jensen threw his arms around her and hugged her tightly to him. All these years, he’d resented Gen for taking Jared away from him. He was cordial to her, but they had never really connected on a personal level. Jensen knew that had been his doing. Now, here he was, taking her husband away from her and the only thing she did to him was give him a hug. Jensen’s cheeks grew red with shame.

As she hugged Jensen, Gen looked at Jared with a sadness that drew down the corners of her mouth. She soothed Jensen for a few moments and then gently pulled away, patting his cheek as she did so. “Eat. You’ll feel better.”

Gen left the men to eat as she went to spend some time with Thomas and Shep. She brought her phone with her. After hugging both of her sons and getting them situated with some toys on the floor in Tom’s room, she sat in the rocking chair, watching her kids play together as she considered how things were about to change. With tears in her eyes, she picked up her phone and dialed a familiar number.

“Danni. It’s Gen. We need to talk.”

Thirty minutes later, Gen brought the kids downstairs. She’d packed a day bag and they were ready to leave the house.

“I’m going to get out of your hair for a while. Jared, I assume you guys are going to stay in a hotel for the interim so I’m going to take Thomas and Shep to the park while you pack. Say good-bye to them now, though, because I’ll probably be gone longer than you’ll be here. We can talk later about how to schedule visits and stuff.” Gen smiled at Jared and Jensen. They were still sitting at the breakfast bar in the kitchen, although they’d cleaned up after her and were no longer eating.

Jared walked to where Gen was and spent a few minutes squatting down and talking to his kids as Gen went to talk to Jensen. When Jared looked down at his sons, he briefly wondered if he was doing the right thing. Then his eyes would slide to where Jensen and Gen were talking and he knew that they’d work it out. With one last kiss to each son’s cheek, Jared brought his kids over to Jensen.

“Say good-bye to Uncle Jensen, guys.” 

Jensen smiled and pulled both boys in for a hug. They buried their faces in Jensen’s neck and Jared rubbed his arm briefly as Jensen’s smile wavered in emotion. Gen saved the day before Jensen could get too emotional.

“Come on guys. Let’s go see JJ!” The boys waved good-bye and followed Gen as she turned to leave. 

Jared and Jensen both waved and smiled and watched as Gen walked out of the kitchen, the boys running to the front door to see who could get there first. She paused in the doorway, letting them run ahead. “Jared, I’ll send you a text when I’m on my way back.” She hesitated again and regarded both of them. “Just so you know, I love you both and, while my heart is broken, I’m happy that you both finally recognized your feelings for one another because… you’re meant to be together.” Gen cleared her throat and then walked out the door.

Jared turned to Jensen and pulled him into a tight hug. 

“Jen... You ok?” 

Jensen buried his face in Jared’s neck, letting the familiar scent calm him; allowing Jared’s body heat to warm him; feeling Jared’s love in his touch. He was both terrified and thrilled. He still couldn’t believe that Jared loved him back. But here they were, starting the unraveling of their marriages so they could build a new life together.

“Good as I can be, Jay…” Jensen whispered as he hugged Jared tighter.


	11. The Children Are Our Future

Danneel was already at the park when Gen and the kids arrived. Tom and Shep ran to join JJ on the swings as Gen made her way to the bench where Danneel was waiting.

“Hey.” Gen said as she took a seat next to Danneel.

Danneel said nothing. She watched her daughter play with Gen’s sons from behind her oversized sunglasses, and thought about how much life was going to change for them all.

“Danneel… I know this is hard, but we…” Gen started.

“We?” Danneel spit out. “There is no ‘we’, Gen. There’s you and I and _them_. They’re the ‘we’ now.” Danneel was still struggling to keep her anger in check. She felt like such a fool. Like she’d spent the last nine years on candid camera, only to find out it has all been a set up.

Gen sighed. This wasn’t going to be easy. On any of them. She knew, too, that at some point she was going to have to let herself lose control and deal with the turmoil inside herself. So far, she’d been strong. She took care of Jared, she comforted Jensen and now she had to be the voice of reason with Danneel. She could cry and scream later.

“Listen… for the sake of the kids, we’re going to have to move past the anger stage as quickly as we can. They have to come first. Everything we do now is going to impact them, and they’ll follow our lead. If we’re shitty to Jared and Jensen, it could affect the kids’ relationship with their fathers. We’ve both tried so hard to give them happy homes… we can’t let this ruin that now.”

Danneel looked at Gen over the top of her sunglasses. Gen noted her eyes were swollen from crying and devoid of make-up. The sunglasses on an overcast day made a lot of sense now. “How the fuck can you be so rational about this, Gen? They’re destroying our marriages, our homes… everything… because they… they… they…”

“Are in love, Danni.” Gen said quietly. “They’ve been in love – forever. I knew it. And you knew it, too. You’ll see that once the anger dissipates. This whole thing… sucks. But we can’t go back. We have to move forward. And we all need to be on the same page. We have to have our priorities straight. The first one will always be the kids. So… how do we work with what we’ve been dealt?”

Danneel watched Tom pushing JJ higher and higher as she screamed in delight. “Not too high, Tom!” Danneel yelled out. Tom gave her a quick wave and ratcheted back the force he was using.

The women watched the children playing together. They interacted like siblings more than childhood friends. Moving to Austin and raising them together had given them a strong bond.

Danneel sighed and leaned her head back on the bench, looking up at the sky. There were no answers there.

“I don’t know if I can do it, Gen.” Danneel whispered forlornly.

“Sure you can. You’re a strong, independent woman. You always have been. You’ve been an amazing mother. Just keep your focus there. That’s all I’m doing. I’m as angry as you are…” Gen paused. “I want to scream and cry and just… rage about how unfair this all is. But… I am not going to upset the kids as I try to process this. And I am not going to ruin the relationship with the guys…”

“Why not?” Danneel snapped. “Why do we have to be so understanding in all of this? Why do we have to be the one to preserve the relationship? They’re the ones who blew it all up!”

Gen took a breath to keep her emotions in check. “Did Jensen cry when he told you?”

Danneel recalled their scene earlier in the day. “No.”

Gen was surprised to hear that based on his mental state when he had arrived at their house. “Well, he was a blubbering mess when he got to my house. I mean… he was extremely upset… grieving even.”

Danneel dabbed at her eyes with a tissue she’d had in her hand. She shouldn't have lied about whether or not Jensen cried. “He didn’t cry a lot, but… he was scared and… contrite. When I was angry, I told him I was going to take it all… and he didn’t even fight me. He said he didn’t care – I could have everything.”

Gen nodded. “Jared cried. He was a big, slobbering mess last night.”

Danneel looked at Gen in surprise. “He told you last night?”

Gen nodded. “I was waiting for him when he got home. He was upset from the moment he got home… and I just knew… I knew they’d finally realized what they are to one another.”

Danneel closed her eyes and tried to keep herself together. Having Gen humanize the guys was making it difficult for Danneel to sustain her anger at them. She realized that was probably her intent from the beginning.

“So… you’ve made your point.” Danneel said quietly. “Now what?”

Gen shrugged. “We find a different way to love the fathers of our children and we find a way to make this as easy as possible on the kids. We stay united – the four of us. We’re angry now… but they’re gonna need us, Danni. As much as we don’t like what’s happened…”

“I hate what’s happened.” Danneel whispered.

“I know… but we have to keep positive. They’ve got a hard road ahead of them now and we can either be bitter, angry ex-wives… or we can accept what is and be supportive co-parents. Everything we do… the way we choose to treat them, the way we talk about them to others… it will all affect not just our lives, but our kids. So we focus there.” Gen took a deep breath and let out some of the tension she’d been holding since the night before. “It’s gonna be hard. I know that. You know that. But… we can do this.”

Danneel sat up and dried her eyes. She smiled sadly as she watched JJ chase Tom and Shep in a game of tag. The kids were happy and they loved one another. Gen was right – that was the most important thing. 

“Ok. I can’t promise I’ll always behave gracefully. But you’re right.” Danneel continued to watch the kids, taking solace in the fact that they, at this point, were unaware of how much life was going to change for them.

Gen patted Danneel’s knee. “Good.” Gen paused. “One last thing. I know we’ve never been especially close, but we’re gonna need each other now. We’re the only ones going through this together and we’re going to need support. So…”

Danneel turned and brought Gen into a hug. “So let’s be real friends? Yeah… I’d like that.”

Gen smiled over Danneel’s shoulder as the kids ran by, still playing tag.

It was going to be a long road ahead of them, but they were going to find a way to walk it together.


	12. I Can See Clearly Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: this chapter contains explicit descriptions of sexual acts. And a lot of mushy, sappy stuff, too. :)

Jensen waited in the bar as Jared checked into the hotel in downtown Vancouver. They had walked in separately. Jared had dropped Jensen off about a block away from the hotel so he could walk in on foot to avoid being seen together. Jensen made sure that Jared had finished with the valet before using a side entrance to enter the building.

Jared booked a suite with a king sized bed for a 2 week stay to start. He asked to be registered under an alias and was in luck that the receptionist was a huge Supernatural fan and was willing to help conceal his stay. She smiled when he used the alias of Sam Wesson. He made up a story about doing renovations on his condo and she was so overwhelmed at meeting him personally he knew it barely registered with her.

Jared rode up to the top floor with the bell hop, whom he tipped generously. Once he had all of their luggage situated, Jared texted Jensen the room number and waited impatiently for the greatest love of his life to join him in their suite.

Jensen was nervous as he rode the elevator up to the top floor. He and Jared were going to be truly alone together for the first time since everything transpired. Jensen hadn’t really thought about what would happen between them until now. 

Jensen had always known, deep down, that he was gay. But being raised as he was, he repressed it. Squashed it down. Buried it. He was doing fine until he met Jared. With him, Jensen had never stood a chance. Three weeks after meeting Jared, Jensen knew he was in trouble. A month later, he was in love and he knew he’d never love anyone the way he loved Jared.

Jensen chewed on a nail as the elevator continued to climb. He was pretty sure that Jared wasn’t gay. He even doubted that Jared was bisexual, despite the fact he was leaving Gen for him. Jensen worried that Jared would decide soon that he couldn’t do a gay relationship and would leave him alone in all this. He would love to talk to Jared about his fears, but he didn’t know how to broach such a sensitive subject.

Jensen got off the elevator on the 20th floor and made his way to room 2004. He lifted his hand to knock when all of a sudden the door opened and Jared was standing there before him, smiling huge and flashing his dimples. “Get in here!”

Jared pulled Jensen into the room and then immediately into a big hug as he kicked the door closed. Jensen hugged him back hard, letting go of his fears for the moment. As Jared began kissing his way up Jensen’s neck, Jensen let his head tilt to the side to give him better access. Jensen groaned when Jared gently bit down on the cord of muscle there and then licked it softly. 

As Jared captured Jensen’s lips in a kiss, he walked him backwards to the bed. When Jensen felt the bed behind him, he let Jared push him back onto it, never breaking their kiss. They both scooted up to the top of the bed before settling in alongside one another. Jared slid his arm under Jensen’s head and cupped his face with his hand as they continued to kiss. Jensen buried his one hand in Jared’s hair as he allowed the other to slide down Jared’s side until it rested at his waist.

They kissed deeply and soulfully for quite some time before Jared pulled back slightly to look at Jensen. “Hi.”

Jensen’s kiss-swollen lips formed a smile as he spoke. “Hi.”

Jared pressed his forehead against Jensen’s. “I don’t know if I mentioned this before, but I fucking love kissing you.” Jared had a teasing smile on his face but Jensen felt the heat behind the words.

“I love when you kiss me.” Jensen whispered with a smile.

Jared got a serious look on his face. “I want to make sure you know that I love kissing you, Jensen.”

Jensen looked into Jared’s eyes. “I know you do.”

Jared leaned down and kissed Jensen perfectly: soft lips slowly parting, his tongue gently licking into Jensen’s mouth, their breaths mingling together. Jensen sighed at the perfection of it and whimpered a bit when Jared ended it and leaned up on his elbow.

Jared looked down at Jensen as he used his fingers to trace the contours of his face. “Jensen… I saw the look on your face when I dropped you off a block from the hotel. I only did that because we haven’t announced anything yet about our marriages and us and I didn’t want any rumors starting. You know that right?”

Jensen looked into Jared’s eyes and gave him a nod. Jared continued, “If it were just us we had to consider, I’d put up a billboard or buy the front page of Variety to tell the world how I feel about you. I’m not ashamed of us or afraid of someone knowing how I feel about you.” 

Jared stopped tracing Jensen’s features and laid his hand on his cheek. “I’ve always suspected that you weren’t entirely straight, Jensen. And I know it never occurred to you that I might be open to a relationship with a guy. And, honestly, if it were anyone other than you, I don’t think I would pursue that. But, I don’t want that to scare you, because it doesn’t scare me. I love you – everything about you – and I just don’t care what package you come in. I’ve never scoped out a guy’s ass repeatedly before… but yours turns me on because it’s yours and I’ve… uh… appreciated it a lot over the years.” Jared flashed Jensen a bashful smile. “I’ve never wanted to kiss a man before enough to actually do it… but I can’t get enough of kissing you because it’s you I’m kissing. Do you know what I mean?”

Jensen had been holding his breath as Jared spoke. He let it out slowly and nodded. “Yeah.” 

Jensen still looked unsure and inside he wanted to believe that Jared wouldn’t have a problem with the physical aspect of being together but he was still worried. And Jared could see it on his face.

Jared leaned in and kissed Jensen again, taking his time, enjoying the sensation of their mouths sealed together. Jared used his tongue to trace Jensen’s lips, to caress his tongue and to slowly penetrate into his mouth. Jared let the sensations affect him as they would. As he grew hard he pressed himself against Jensen’s hip and did nothing to stop the moan that escaped him at the feel of their bodies together.

“See…” Jared whispered between kisses. “Just kissing you turns me on. When we make love, I know that it will be electric. I can’t wait to feel your hands and mouth on me.”

Jensen moaned into Jared’s mouth and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him closer. Jared always knew how to make him feel secure, no matter what they were doing and Jensen loved him for his ability to sense what was troubling him and his subsequent attempts to make things right. 

Jensen couldn’t stop himself from wondering about things that didn’t involve hands and mouths. He was startled when Jared laughed into his mouth.

“Shut your brain off, Ackles. I can hear the gears whirling from here.” Jared smiled down at Jensen, who looked startled and a bit disgruntled.

“I don’t overthink everything, Padalecki.” Jensen huffed out.

Jared snorted. “Oh please… try to tell me that you weren’t just worrying about where this would all lead physically.” Jared’s eyes challenged Jensen to try to lie to him.

Jensen sighed and closed his eyes. “God dammit…”

Jared rolled over on to his back and laughed with a good deal of mirth. “Ha… see, I told you!” 

Jared laughed again and looked over at Jensen, who was staring at the ceiling. Jensen looked pensive and wasn’t joining in the laughter so Jared let it ebb away as he rolled back on his side. “Hey… it’s ok. I love that about you. And I love that I can always tell when it’s happening.” 

Jensen looked at him steadily. “I’m sorry I’m such a worrier. I just… this is all new. You know I’ve never… I’ve never actually been with a guy so…”

Jared took Jensen’s hand in his. “You haven’t?”

Jensen shook his head. “No. Never… I… well, I was raised a certain way and so when I realized I… that I… am… gay…” Jensen blew out a breath and whispered, “I’ve actually never said that out loud before.” 

Jared kissed him softly.

“You’re doing great.” Jared whispered back. “Keep talking.”

Jensen gave Jared a small smile. “So… when I realized it… I just decided I wouldn’t be. Couldn’t be. And was fakin’ it til I made it, ya know? And then I met you.” 

Jensen’s eyes grew misty as he thought about those first days on set. “From the first time you smiled at me…” he whispered, “I knew my life would never be the same. I fell… so hard, so fast for you… I just couldn’t help it. For me? You were perfect.”

Jared kissed Jensen’s cheek and pressed their foreheads together, grounding Jensen with his love. “I was so scared, Jared… everything I’d tried to suppress was right there in front of me every day. And you had Sandy, so I knew that nothing could come of it… but deep down? I wanted it – you – so badly. When you guys broke up, I used to lay in my room in your house and hope so hard that some night you’d discover you felt the same way and come to my room.”

Jared felt his heart breaking for his friend. “Jen…” he whispered softly before kissing Jensen. “You know I’m not very bright.”

Jensen snorted. “True… that’s so true…” 

Jared pulled Jensen’s hand to his lips and kissed each of his knuckles, urging him to continue with his eyes. 

“Right… so you never did. And then you started dating Gen and when I saw you were getting serious, I escalated my relationship with Danneel.” Jensen paused as his eyes filled with tears. “I knew you were going to propose, so I proposed to Danneel… and you know the rest.”

Jared reached over to brush a couple of errant tears from Jensen’s face. “Shhh… Jen… it’s ok.”

Jensen rolled over and buried his face in Jared’s neck. “No, it’s not. If… if I’d been brave, I could have told you how I felt after you and Sandy broke up… or at least I could have broken up with Danneel so she could find someone who could love her completely. I did nothing but lie and hide. I kind of hate myself for that, Jared.”

Jared didn’t know what to say to that so he just held Jensen close. After several minutes, he finally spoke. 

“I broke up with Sandy because I loved you, Jen.” Jared whispered. “Because I was… in love with you, just to be clear.”

Jensen stilled and then leaned back. “What?”

Jared’s face filled with angst. “Yeah… I broke up with her because I knew I was… in love with you. I wanted to tell you, but you were seeing Danneel… and you know it’s not like me to try to come between people, even when it’s casual. So I hung back, waiting to see what would happen. I had hoped that when I was single, if you felt anything for me, you’d make a move.” Jared puffed out a breath. “I invaded your space, I joked about you always watching me, wanting me… I hugged you for no reason… Hell, I climbed you like a tree on red carpets. But nothing happened and then I met Gen. We got along and I told myself I was in love. And I was – I was in love with the idea that I could try to be in love with someone who wasn’t you.”

Jensen sighed. “I’m so stupid.” He whispered.

Jared kissed him softly. “No Jen, you’re not. It just wasn’t the right time. And all that’s behind us now. We’ve both admitted that we’ve been in love with each other for a long time, so clearly those feelings aren’t going away. Let’s just embrace what we have now, ok?”

Jensen nodded before burying his face back in Jared’s neck, thinking about how many years they’d wasted when they could have been together. Jared held him for a while and then slowly pushed him onto his back. 

Jared moved himself so he was hovering over Jensen, looking down at him. “I love you.” Jared said with a smile.

Jensen reached up and framed Jared’s face with his hands. “I love you, too.” 

Jared leaned down and began kissing Jensen slowly, using his lips and tongue to love his mouth. Jensen threaded his fingers through Jared’s hair as Jared slowly lowered himself until their bodies were fully in contact. Jensen was solid beneath him. Jared could cover him with his body and know that he wasn’t going to crush him or smother him. He pressed himself closer and felt Jensen arch up into as they continued to kiss.

When Jensen felt Jared grow hard, he moaned. “Fuck… Jay… you feel so good.” 

Jared could feel Jensen’s hard cock pressing into his hip and he wanted it… he wanted to touch it, to lick it, to suck it. He pressed his pelvis more tightly against Jensen’s and the friction and pressure caused them both to groan.

Jared broke their kiss and laid his head next to Jensen’s. “Jen… I want you.” 

Jensen gasped. He’d wanted to hear those words coming out of his best friend’s mouth for so long. 

“Jen… you’re so hard… I want to touch you… your cock. I want to lick it, feel it in my mouth.” Jared’s breathing was shallow and coming out in soft pants that tickled Jensen’s ear.

“Oh god…” Jensen moaned. “I want that, too, Jay…”

Jared went back to kissing Jensen, unbuttoning his shirt slowly with one hand as he supported his weight with his other elbow. Jared then pushed Jensen’s shirt to the side as he started trailing soft, wet kisses down Jensen’s neck. With every kiss, with every lick, Jensen let his body respond as it would: breathy moans, gasps, his body arching, his hips thrusting… his reaction to Jared’s caresses did nothing but turn Jared on more.

Jared settled lower, between Jensen’s legs, and looked up into his eyes as he slowly licked into Jensen’s belly button. Jensen’s eyes were wide and dark with need. Jared smiled up at him. 

“Jen… you look so fucking hot. I want to put that look on your face every single day for the rest of my life.” Jensen blinked rapidly as tears flooded his eyes.

“Oh Jay… I want that. So much.” Jensen breathed out.

Jared placed a gentle kiss on Jensen’s stomach as he worked on taking off his pants. “Then that’s what you’re going to have.” 

Jared finally got Jensen’s belt and jeans opened and he quickly slid them down his thighs and then, finally, off, throwing them to the side. He knew Jensen was watching him as his eyes traveled up and down his body. Jared slid his hands up the insides of Jensen’s thighs as he looked at him and said, “You’re fucking beautiful. Do you know that? Every single inch of you is amazing.”

Jared felt Jensen shiver beneath his hands as he continued to watch Jared. Jared leaned down and dragged his tongue up the same path his hand had taken. He licked softly at the juncture between Jensen’s leg and pelvis. 

Jared gave Jensen a sweet smile. “You realize, of course, I have no idea what to do here, so don’t be too harsh on my technique.”

Jensen shook his head and licked his lips. “Never.”

Jared slid up until he was looking down into Jensen’s eyes. He gave Jensen a mischievous and sexy look before leaning down to whisper in his ear. 

“So… Jen… here are my plans.” As Jared began telling Jensen what he was going to do to him, he slowly thrust his hips into Jensen’s as he spoke. “Jen… I’m going to lick my way back down to your cock and then I’m going to use my tongue to tease the tip.” Jensen groaned and arched up into Jared. “When you can’t take it anymore, I’m going to slowly suck your cock into my mouth. I’m going to suck you in deep.” Jensen gasped and moaned. He knew his cock was leaking and he moaned when he thought about Jared finding him wet and needy. 

“Then I’m going to stroke and suck, finding a rhythm you like, and I’m not going to let up until you’re coming hard.” Jensen shuddered. “… in my mouth, Jen… and I’m going to fucking swallow down everything you give me.”

“Oh fuck!” Jensen said as his cock jerked in response to Jared’s words, pre-come oozing out in copious amounts. Jared kissed Jensen deep and a little rough after talking himself into a desperate need for the man he held in his arms. Jared broke their kiss and then did exactly as he said he would.

Jensen had his fingers threaded through Jared’s hair and he was holding his head as Jared sucked his orgasm right out of him. As Jensen felt his come shooting from him, he watched his cock jerk in Jared’s mouth and let out a shout before moaning Jared’s name over and over, each time causing Jared’s heart to flip and his body to tremble with need. 

Jared held Jensen’s cock in his mouth until it was soft. Then he placed a gentle kiss at the tip and slid back up to lay next to Jensen. Jared laid his palm on Jensen’s cheek, turning his head slightly so they could look into each other’s eyes.

“How you doin’?” Jared asked with a soft smile.

Jensen reached up and weakly pulled Jared in for a kiss. “Oh god, Jared… I came so fucking hard…” Jensen moaned when he tasted himself on Jared’s tongue. “That was amazing…” he whispered into Jared’s mouth.

“Mmmm… yeah, it was.” Jared agreed. “I loving being with you like this, Jen.”

Jensen sighed in contentment as he hugged Jared to him. “I love it, too.”

Jared rolled onto his back, pulling Jensen with him to snuggle. “You should know I’m a big fan of cuddling.”

Jensen laughed softly. “Dude… ain’t even surprised. And I’m glad you are… this feels so good. Almost makes me forget everything else.”

Jared smiled sadly. “Yeah… for me, too.” 

The two men lay there, just holding one another for some time. Jared’s hard-on receded but felt no frustration in the lack of immediate reciprocity. They had plenty of time to be sexual; being intimate was something both of their hearts needed.

After a while Jensen felt recovered enough to make some moves on Jared. He started by softly kissing and licking his way up Jared’s neck until they could bring their mouths together in a deep kiss. When Jared moaned as Jensen’s tongue probed into his mouth, Jensen rolled on top of him without breaking their kiss. Jensen was already hard again and he slowly ground his hips into Jared’s, causing him to gasp and thrust back.

“Jesus, Jen… the way you touch me… I get so fucking hard so quickly… I…” Jared threw his head back and moaned as Jensen sucked and licked at the soft skin under his jaw, nearly marking him. “Fuck…”

Jensen smiled into Jared’s neck as he continued licking and kissing his way lower. When he reached Jared’s clavicle, he slowly licked his way down to his nipple, looking directly into Jared’s eyes the entire time. When Jensen sucked and licked there, Jared closed his eyes and shuddered. “Oh god… Jen…”

Jensen kept licking and kissing his way south. When he got to the waist of Jared’s jeans, he worked on unbuckling his belt and opening the fly. As he slid Jared’s jeans off of him, he looked up and smiled. “You know… I’m about to return the favor, Padalecki.”

Jared gasped as he worked to help Jensen get his jeans and boxers off. “I know… oh god… I know…”

Jensen tossed Jared’s clothes away and then ran a finger down the length of his cock, causing it to jerk in response. Jensen smiled as pre-come oozed from the tip. Jensen raised his incredibly green eyes and met the hazel stare that had captivated him so many years before. 

“You don’t know how long I’ve dreamt of having your cock in my mouth Jay… what I’m about to do? I’ve wanted to do this since the day we were filming by the lake and I jumped into your arms and you caught me. Remember that? Feeling our bodies pressed together then… from that point on you were always my fantasy.”

Jared sat up and pulled Jensen to him, kissing him gently. “That long, Jen?”

Jensen wrapped his arms around Jared’s neck, hiding his head there. “Yeah… that long.”

Jared pushed Jensen back a bit and laid his palm on his cheek as he whispered, “We have a lot of lost time to make up for. I mean… thirteen years of foreplay is a little much, don’t you think?” 

Jared smiled and then kissed Jensen slowly and sensuously, using his tongue to tease his lips, licking his way deep into Jensen’s mouth. When they broke apart, Jared kissed Jensen’s cheek and said, “I love you, Jensen.” 

Jensen kissed Jared and pushed him back. “Lie back… let me get to my fantasy.” 

The two men smiled at one another as Jared lay back on the bed. He watched as Jensen licked his way back down to Jared’s cock. As Jensen settled between his legs, he looked up at Jared and said, “I love you, too, by the way.” 

Jared started to smile but then gasped as Jensen moved forward and sucked his cock straight into his mouth. Jared felt Jensen’s tongue teasing the head and shaft as he created a rhythm that somehow made Jared even harder.

When Jared’s cock began leaking pre-come in more-than-usual amounts, Jensen moaned at the taste flooding his mouth. He wrapped his hand around Jared’s cock and held it as he lapped at the tip. His eyes met Jared’s as he teased his slit with his tongue. 

Jared moaned loudly, “Jesus… fuck… Jen… Jen…” 

Jensen smiled as his tongue continued to tease his new lover. Jared reached down and cupped Jensen’s face, running his thumb gently across his cheek. “Jen… seeing you like this… you don’t know what it does to me.”

Jensen nuzzled his face into Jared’s hand. “I probably do… I know what it did to me to see you touching me this way.” 

Jared smiled his understanding and watched as Jensen sucked his cock deep into his mouth again, moaning as the tip hit the back of his throat.

Jensen changed the tempo and went at it with a vengeance… sucking and licking and stroking until Jared’s hips were bucking off the bed. Jensen could feel Jared’s legs quivering under his arms. Jensen sucked harder as he reached down to massage Jared’s perineum in time with the strokes. 

Jared made a strangled noise and groaned, “Jen… I’m… I’m… oh god… Jen!” Jared shouted Jensen’s name as he felt his orgasm rip through him. 

Jensen moaned his own release as he swallowed Jared down. As Jensen stroked and licked Jared through the aftershocks, he couldn’t believe that just having Jared come in his mouth was enough to cause him to come, too, unaided with just the friction from his hips thrusting against the bed. 

Jensen slid his way up Jared’s body. Jared’s arms flailed a bit as he tried to help him. 

“Jen,” Jared whispered raggedly, “oh god… Jen…” 

When Jensen’s face was finally hovering over Jared’s, Jared wrapped his arms around him and kissed him frantically. “Fuck,” he said between desperate kisses. “Jen… Jen… Jen…” Jared whispered over and over. 

Jensen felt his heart swell. He loved his man so much and he loved the fact Jared was as desperate for him as he was for Jared.

Jared rolled them onto their sides and held Jensen close. “I love you… I love you…” Jared repeated over and over as he fought to get himself under control.

“I can feel it.” Jensen whispered. “I feel the same about you, Jay.” 

They held onto one another tightly and reveled in the afterglow of finally knowing what it felt like to have the one person they each loved most in this world in their arms and hearts. 

Jared reached for Jensen’s hand and entwined their fingers. He brought their hands over his heart and held them there. 

“Love you so fucking much, Jen. I don’t know how I kept this hidden for so long. Now that we’re here… I just… I can’t keep it inside. I feel like if I told you I loved you ten thousand times, it still wouldn’t be enough. I just want to hold you and keep you close to me… and wrap you up and protect you… take away your pain… give you everything and anything you want or need… I just… just…”

Jared burst into tears.

Jensen squeezed his hand before letting go and then wrapped him up in his arms. He slowly rocked Jared. 

“I know… I know, babe. I feel the same way about you.” Jensen kissed Jared’s forehead. “I am so in love with you… and every word, every touch we share… takes my heart to a whole new place.”

Jared’s tears slowed. “Me, too, Jen.” he whispered into Jensen’s chest. “Sorry for getting so emotional… I’ve wanted this for a long time and my feelings are overwhelming me right now.”

Jensen tilted Jared’s head up so he could look into the eyes that had been his dream for so long. “I know – I’m right there with you.” 

Jensen kissed Jared. They took their time, they filled each lick, nip and touch with love. Both men sighed as they broke apart.

“This is perfect. You’re perfect…” Jared whispered.

“No… you are.” Jensen teased to add some levity. His mind was whirling from the emotional rollercoaster of the last 24 hours.

Jared grabbed Jensen’s face and kissed him hard. “Hungry? I’m dying for a steak.”

Jensen threw back his head and laughed. With Jared, it always came down to food. All the intimacy, all of the emotions… and suddenly… Food.

Jared grinned at Jensen sheepishly. “I’m sorry… I know that’s not very romantic… and we just gave our first blow jobs ever… but shit… it’s been a long day and all I wanna do is tuck into a big slab of meat… and then get right back here to be with you.” Jared gave Jensen a smacking kiss and rolled out of bed.

Jared stretched his arms above his head and smiled as Jensen appraised him openly. Jared loved the soft look in Jensen’s eyes as they scanned him from head to toe and back again.

“Like what you see?” Jared asked softly.

Jensen met his eyes boldly. “Since the day I first laid eyes on you.”

Jared felt his heart lurch. He reached down and took Jensen’s hands in his, pulling him to his feet. Jared kissed Jensen gently before pulling him into a hug. “God… Jen… I love you so much.”

Jensen smiled as he held Jared tightly against him. Jared released Jensen and then led him to the bathroom for a shower so they could clean up before going out for that steak.


	13. The Boys Are Back in Town

Once in the shower, Jared and Jensen kissed and caressed their way through the cleaning process. They lost themselves in one another, relishing the newness of being able to express what they’d always felt. Eventually, they went about their own routines until they were both ready for an evening out.

Jared was sprawled on the sofa watching the local news as Jensen finished up. 

When Jensen emerged from the bathroom, he was dressed in a pair of black dress pants, a tailored grey silk shirt and had his hair spikey the way Jared liked it. Jared let his eyes travel Jensen’s body, lingering on the fit of the shirt across his chest, the perfect fit of his pants… and then finally his face and hair.

Jensen blushed as Jared broke into a slow, sultry smile. Jared unfolded himself from the sofa and stood, quickly striding to where Jensen waited. Jensen looked up into Jared’s eyes and waited for him to say something.

Instead of speaking, Jared gently framed Jensen’s face with his hands and kissed him soundly.

“You are one beautiful man, Jensen Ackles.” Jared whispered against his lips.

Jensen stepped back and looked Jared up and down, noting the fit of his black dress pants and the cut of his light blue t-shirt, pulled tight across his chest.

“Same goes, Padalecki.” Jensen smiled up into Jared’s eyes.

Jared took Jensen’s hand and led him toward the suite door. On the way, he grabbed his black suit jacket and draped it over his arm. Jared spun Jensen toward him.

“One last kiss before we go.” Jared whispered as he captured Jensen’s lips in a heated kiss. Jensen whimpered as Jared’s tongue plundered his mouth. Jared growled in response as he pulled Jensen more firmly against him.

“How am I gonna keep my hands off you at dinner?” Jared murmured against Jensen’s lips between kisses.

Jensen moaned at the thought of Jared’s hands all over him at dinner, causing Jared to smile. With several quick kisses, Jared pulled back and looked at Jensen.

“Ready?” Jared asked softly.

Jensen nodded his assent so Jared opened the door and followed Jensen out of the suite.

Jensen suddenly stopped, causing Jared to run into him.

“Ooomph.” Jared said as they collided. “Did you forget something?”

Without turning around, Jensen spoke. “Maybe we should take separate elevators. Or I should take the stairs. Or…”

Jared leaned forward and kissed Jensen’s neck softly. “Shhhh. We’ve been friends forever. People are used to seeing us together around town. Maybe some caution when we get back, since you won’t be leaving… but this is ok.”

Jensen nodded and continued toward the elevator. It was empty when they got on it, so Jared stood close to Jensen and held his hand until they got to the lobby, only letting go when the doors started to open. They exited the elevator and Jared led the way to the taxi stand. It wasn’t long before a cab arrived. He and Jensen quickly jumped inside and driver pulled away from the hotel.

“Where to?” the cabbie asked.

“Gotham Steakhouse.” Jared said with a grin as he slid his hand across the seat and took Jensen’s hand in his own.

Jensen gave Jared a wide grin. They’d been to Gotham many times over the years. Jensen took comfort in the familiarity he knew he’d find there.

Minutes later, Jared paid the cabbie and then exited to stand next to Jensen on the sidewalk. Jensen smiled up at Jared, as Jared fought the urge to kiss him. Jared stepped closer and let their hands brush lightly.

“Ready for our first date, Jensen Ackles?” Jared said softly as he moved his hand to Jensen’s lower back and steered him forward. 

Jensen flushed with happiness as he let Jared guide him into the restaurant.

Jared approached the hostess stand. “Hey, Jeannie. How y’all doin?” Jared turned on the Southern charm as Jensen looked on fondly.

Jeannie beamed at Jared. “Hey, Mr. Padalecki. It’s good to see you and Mr. Ackles! We have your usual table available. Does that sound ok?”

Jared leaned in a turned up the wattage of his smile, putting his dimples to good use. “Sounds, great, Jeannie. Thank you.”

Another hostess led Jared and Jensen to a secluded table and wished them a good dinner.

They settled into their seats and looked at one another. Jared spread his legs until his knee found Jensen’s under the table. As he increased the pressure of his leg against Jensen’s, Jared smiled as he leaned forward. “I really wanna hold your hand, right here on the table, but… since I can’t… yet… knee will have to do.”

Jensen closed his eyes and savored the contact. When he opened them, Jared could see they were bright with quickly gathering tears.

Uncaring about what anyone might think, Jared quickly reached over and took Jensen’s hand in his. “What’s wrong, Jen?”

Jensen blinked rapidly and then smiled. “I’m just so fucking happy, Jared. Right now. Here.” Jensen squeezed Jared’s hand in reassurance. “I never thought I would have this with you. And, even though every damn thing is fucked up at home… I believe that together we can get through it.” 

Jared ran his thumb over Jensen’s knuckles in a soft caress. “In my mind, I’m kissing you so hard right now.” Jared’s voice was low but filled with intensity.

Jensen let a heated look flood his eyes, driving away the threatening tears. “Hopefully you’re using lots of tongue.”

Jared barked out a laugh and squeezed Jensen’s hand before letting go. As the server approached, Jared gave Jensen a wicked look. “Using my hands, too. If you know what I mean.”

Jensen was prevented from saying anything further as the server stepped in to take their drink orders.

The two men flirted their way through dinner, teasing each other with unnecessary tongue licking on forks and glasses, smoldering looks full of desire and whispered descriptions of what they might do when they got back to their suite.

By the time Jared was done with his dessert and had finished what remained of Jensen’s, Jensen was nearly panting with need. Jared had been seductively licking chocolate icing off his fork, essentially fellating it right in front of Jensen in a most gleeful manner. Jensen had to adjust himself several times as he tried to keep his erection in check.

After Jared slowly and thoroughly licked the last bit of chocolate from his finger, he leaned in and whispered, “You’re not the only one at this table with a rock-hard boner.”

Jensen closed his eyes, trying desperately to calm himself. When he opened his eyes, Jared was handing the server payment for their meal. 

After leaving a generous tip, Jared stood and waited for Jensen to stand. Once he did, Jared used his hand in the small of Jensen’s back to steer him out of the restaurant. It wasn’t unusual for Jared to guide Jensen in this fashion and he wasn’t going to stop just because their relationship had changed.

Once outside, the men looked at one another. 

“Separate cabs?” Jensen asked.

Jared frowned and sighed. “I suppose.” After a slight pause, he continued. “Is it bad I’m already sick of the subterfuge?”

Jensen chuckled ruefully. “Already? We’ve been hiding this for years… the only difference is we’re no longer hiding it from one another.”

Jared nodded in agreement. He couldn’t argue with that. “I know, Jen… but man… I just want to… to… kiss you and show the world how much I love you. Right here, on the sidewalk. Right now.”

Jensen laid his hand on Jared’s arm, squeezing softly. “I know, Jay. Someday we’ll have that. For right now… I just want to get back to the suite and be with you.”

Jared nodded as Jensen withdrew his hand. Jared turned and signaled for a cab. As one pulled up he turned to Jensen. “See you in a few.”

Jensen watched Jared as the cab pulled away. Jared turned and held his hand up as he mouthed, “I love you.”

Jensen smiled until he could no longer see the cab’s taillights.


	14. These Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: this chapter contains explicit descriptions of sexual acts; and a bunch of shmoop!

Jensen waited for 10 minutes before hailing his own cab. He entered the hotel through a side door and took the service elevator to the 20th floor. As he was about to knock on the suite door, Jared opened it and grabbed Jensen’s hand, pulling him inside.

Jared had changed into a soft pair of cotton pants with a drawstring waist and was shirtless. As Jared pulled him into an all-encompassing hug, Jensen slid his hands around Jared’s waist, resting them on his lower back. The feeling of Jared’s soft skin beneath his fingers turned Jensen on and he felt his cock begin to harden in anticipation.

Jared placed soft, wet kisses along Jensen’s jaw as he lowered his hands and pulled Jensen more firmly to him. He made sure Jensen could feel him getting hard as he continued to tease Jensen’s neck with gentle licks and nips. When Jared pushed his hips forward, grinding their erections together, Jensen let out a long sigh of pleasure.

“So fucking hot, Jared… fuck… everything you do to me turns me on.” Jensen whispered as Jared pulled back.

Jared smiled softly at Jensen before kissing him slowly. “Love touching you, Jen.” Jared whispered into Jensen’s mouth.

Jared began undressing Jensen. He took his time, kissing a freckle, running his hands over newly-exposed skin, trailing his tongue over sensitive areas and nibbling gently when he could feel Jensen respond involuntarily. Jensen had never been so sensuously undressed before. Every touch, every kiss, every caress touched his heart until he was lightheaded with desire.

When Jared had Jensen fully naked, he quickly dropped his own pants and led Jensen to the bed, pulling him in with him.

Jared gently pushed Jensen onto his back and then leaned up on an elbow so he could look down at the man he’d loved for so long.

Jensen met Jared’s gaze, wondering what was next.

Jared reached up and gently held Jensen’s jaw as he leaned down and kissed him. The kiss was long slow and a little dirty. Jared used his lips and tongue to make love to Jensen’s mouth. Jensen shuddered with desire as Jared bit down on his lower lip and sucked rhythmically. 

When Jared finally came up for air, they were both turned on and needy.

Jared cupped Jensen’s cheek with his hand and used his thumb to trace his cheekbone. He then took one long finger and slowly traced the contours of Jensen’s face.

“I called Gen from the cab.” Jared said softly. “She met Danneel at the park today with the kids. They had a long talk and she thinks that once Danneel has had time to process, she’ll support us. I was glad to hear that and I thought you’d want to know.”

Jensen closed his eyes and concentrated on the sensation of Jared’s finger slowly sliding over his skin. “I know. I called Danneel when I was waiting to hail a cab. I wasn’t sure she’d answer, but she did and she was civil. She and Gen agreed we should have the kids tomorrow.” 

Jensen opened his eyes and looked at Jared. “I hate what we’ve done to our families, Jay. But… I think we can make this work, and it’s such a weight off my mind.”

Jared leaned down and kissed Jensen’s cheek, letting his lips linger. “I know, babe. This is going to work… and we’re going to be together… and someday, we’ll be able to tell everyone how we feel. I can’t wait for that day, Jen.”

Jensen shifted so he could pull Jared into his arms. “Me either, Jay.” he whispered as he breathed Jared in.

Jared smiled into Jensen’s neck. “I get to sleep with you in my arms tonight, Jen. I can’t fucking believe it.”

Jensen snorted. “Who says you get to be big spoon, bitch?”

Jared pulled back and gave Jensen a saucy look. “Jerk. It’s a matter of mechanics. I’m bigger, so… big spoon.” Jared flashed his dimples to cute his way out of trouble.

Jensen pushed Jared onto his back and straddled him. “Yeah? Well, we’ll see.” Jared smiled at the challenge.

Jensen sat up and trailed his hands down over Jared’s chest, before moving one of his hands to his cock. He looked down at Jared as he began stroking himself.

Jared watched, fascinated. His mouth was open and his eyes followed the movements of Jensen’s hand.

As Jensen moaned and pre-come gathered at the tip of his cock, Jared sucked in a desperate breath as he watched Jensen swirl his thumb through the wetness.

“God… Jen… I want… I want you so much.” Jared rasped as Jensen slowly brought his thumb up to Jared’s lips.

Jared lunged his head forward, capturing Jensen’s thumb and sucking it into his mouth. He closed his eyes and savored Jensen’s taste. Jensen moaned as Jared’s tongue swirled over and around his thumb, licking up his essence. The look on Jared’s face was one of sheer ecstasy.

“Fuck… Jay.” Jensen stared down at the man he’d wanted to touch for so long. 

Jared could see the need in Jensen’s eyes, so he pulled Jensen into his arms and rolled him onto his back. Jared didn’t wait for Jensen to catch his breath before he began kissing him with intent. Jared slotted himself between Jensen’s legs, lining up their straining erections as he began to slowly thrust, rubbing their cocks together.

Jared kissed Jensen with increasing passion as their pre-come mingled and slicked things up, increasing the glide and providing just enough friction to drive them both nuts. Jared never stopped kissing Jensen as he rolled their hips in a slow, sensuous rhythm. 

Jared opened his eyes to sneak a peek at Jensen as they kissed and rutted against one another. He found Jensen looking up at him and it caused him to falter briefly as he nearly lost his mind. Never in his life had he felt what he was feeling now. Need, desire, want, passion, sweetness… all wrapped up in a love so strong that he could barely contain it inside of him.

“Jen… Jen…” Jared moaned. “Gonna… I’m gonna…”

Jensen grabbed Jared’s ass with both hands, sealing them together, increasing the friction.

“Come, Jay… please…” Jensen gasped as he felt his orgasm rushing toward him.

Jared’s hips stuttered as he shouted out his release. Jensen continued to roll his hips until he couldn’t hold out any longer. As Jared collapsed onto Jensen, he could feel Jensen’s cock pulsing against his stomach. Jared let out a long groan as Jensen shuddered beneath him.

For several minutes, they lay, still pressed tightly together, breathing heavily in tandem. Finally, Jared rolled to the side, pulling Jensen with him. He let out a deep breath before pressing his lips to Jensen’s forehead. Jared searched for Jensen’s hand, threading their fingers together once he found it.

“Never imagined…” Jared breathed out. “Jen… I had no idea that it would be like this with you.”

Jensen kissed Jared’s shoulder softly. “Me either, Jay.”

Jared pulled Jensen more tightly to him. “I promise you, Jensen… I will fight so hard to keep this. Us. Now that I know… there’s no way I’m ever letting this, or you, go.”

Jensen lifted his head so he could look into Jared’s eyes. He saw they were filling with tears so he pushed himself up and gently kissed Jared’s eyelids before kissing his lips softly. “Same for me… Jared, god… I imagined us together so many times… but nothing – not even my best fantasy – can touch this.”

Jared wanted to lighten the mood a little. “So… fantasies, huh? Now, you know you’re gonna have to tell me about those.”

Jensen settled back down into the crook of Jared’s arm. “Oh, I will. But they’ll seem rather dull after what we’ve shared so far.”

Jared smiled and kissed Jensen. “I still want to hear them.” 

Jensen blushed and Jared laughed. 

“You know what’s crazy?” Jared asked with a smile on his face.

Jensen eyed Jared thoughtfully. 

“You… about me?” Jensen asked hopefully.

Jared’s smile grew soft. “Yeah… for sure that.” Jared let his smile grow a little wicked. “But… what I was thinking was that, for a couple of newbies, we’re um… pretty damn good at this stuff… uh… being together. Physically.”

Jared’s cheeks flushed red in embarrassment. He realized that was kind of a stupid observation, but he hadn’t expected to be able to go from never having touched another man to giving a pretty decent blow job without more practice.

Jensen smiled and kissed Jared. “If you knew how many blow jobs I gave you in my dreams… you’d realize how much time I’d had to work on technique!”

Jared huffed out a breath and smiled sweetly. “Well, I’m not saying you need it, but if you ever want to practice your technique…”

Jensen smiled through a yawn he couldn’t quite suppress. “Believe me… I plan to practice. A lot.”

Jared looked at a sleepy Jensen and found him adorable; so adorable, he couldn’t resist kissing him. Jensen sighed in contentment as Jared slowly drew back and smiled at him.

“I need another kiss.” Jensen said sleepily as he rubbed his eye with the back of his hand. 

Jared kissed Jensen softly one more time. 

“Let me hold you, Jen.” Jared suggested with a dimply smile.

Despite his earlier grousing about being the little spoon, Jensen rolled onto his side and Jared spooned him, gathering him close and holding him tightly. Jensen let out a little moan of happiness as he was enveloped in Jared’s love. Worries about the future ebbed away for the moment as Jensen focused on how good it felt to have Jared wrapped around him.

Jared placed a soft kiss at the nape of Jensen’s neck. “I love you, Jen.” Jared whispered, moving his lips against Jensen’s neck.

Jensen wiggled backward to ensure there was no space between them. “Love you.” Jensen breathed out as sleep overtook him. Behind him, Jared fell asleep with a smile on his face.

When Jared awoke in the morning, he was still holding Jensen tightly to him. He’d never felt so content with a partner before. He slowly extracted his hand from Jensen’s and then ran his hand up from Jensen’s hip and over his arm and shoulder. He spent time slowly caressing Jensen awake, running his hand up and down his lover’s body. He marveled at the softness of Jensen’s skin beneath his fingers and his lips.

“Mmmm…” Jensen moaned after a while. “Jay… feels so good to be with you like this.”

Jared shifted so he could turn Jensen’s head toward him. Jared kissed him softly before whispering, “Good morning.”

Jensen smiled up at Jared, his eyes a little puffy from sleep but a big smile on his face. “Hi.”

Jared placed another soft, sweet kiss on Jensen’s lips and murmured, “Hi yourself.” 

Jensen worked on turning himself around in Jared’s arms so he could hug him close. Jared pulled Jensen against him and concentrated on the feeling of holding the person he’d secretly loved for so long. Neither man moved for quite some time.

Finally, Jared pulled back and smiled at Jensen. “Wanna shower and then go get the kids? I was thinking we could take them to the Planetarium after lunch. What do you think?”

Jensen smiled back at Jared. “I think that it’s never really mattered what we do… the only thing that matters is that we do it together.”

Jared kissed Jensen and then pulled him out of bed toward the shower. “Let’s go.”


	15. Feels Like the First Time

The next couple of weeks went by in a blur of child exchanges, packing and planning for repatriation into the United States. Jared and Jensen were both avoiding their agents and any auditions they might be trying to arrange in order to focus on their families and getting themselves ready to leave their home of the last 13+ years.

A few times, Gen actually spent some time with Jared, Jensen and the kids. Things with Danneel were still strained; Jensen often worried that things might remain like a layer of permafrost between them. Jensen had given her space and had been very deferential to her each time they’d handed JJ back and forth, but so far, she wasn’t thawing much. She was civil, sometimes borderline cordial, but there was always the feeling that if Jensen said or did the wrong thing, an explosion awaited him.

At night, Jensen tried not to dwell on the situation with Danneel, but Jared knew it bothered him. He didn’t ask Jensen to talk to him on the subject. He knew if Jensen had something to say about it, he’d share it in the quiet of the night after they’d loved one another.

Near the end of the second week, Jared and Jensen were snuggling on the couch in their hotel suite, watching a Property Brothers marathon. They’d been on the move since the Saturday after the wrap party and this was the first night they’d been alone early enough to actually spend time alone together.

Jared smiled as he looked down at his hand. Jensen had threaded his fingers through Jared’s and had covered their joined hands with his other; essentially he’d cocooned Jared’s hand in his own. Jared hadn’t expected it, but Jensen was a hand-holder.

In the elevator, in a taxi, whenever they were alone, Jensen consistently reached for Jared’s hand. He always held it firmly but gently and Jared loved it. He’d thought he knew everything about Jensen, but over the last two weeks he’d learned that Jensen secretly loved being the little spoon, that he enjoyed waking up to Jared’s caresses and, the biggest surprise was the hand holding.

“Jen…” Jared said softly as Jonathan Scott started to reveal how he’d renovate the properties in question.

“One sec…” Jensen said as he raptly watched Jonathan reveal his designs. “Gotta see… Wow! Look at that kitchen…”

Jared smiled and kissed Jensen’s cheek as he continued to watch the show.

“Sorry…” Jensen smiled quickly at Jared. “You know I… oh, my god! Look at that game room. We gotta get something done like that.” Jensen squeezed Jared’s hand excitedly. “Maybe a music studio… we could jam together, maybe record… Holy crap! That master bedroom is amazing. We need to think about…” 

After all the designs had been revealed, Jared grabbed Jensen’s chin and turned his face toward him, bringing his lips within millimeters of Jensen’s. 

“You’re adorable, Jensen.” Jared whispered as he captured Jensen’s lips with his own. He kissed him deeply, loving his mouth, caressing it with his own. Jensen made a little needy noise deep in his throat and Jared growled in response. Whenever Jensen made those little irresistible noises, Jared’s inner beast rose to the surface, demanding to dominate and make Jensen whimper with need. Jared suspected that sometimes Jensen made those little noises just to drive him crazy. He didn’t mind, though.

Moments later, Jared drew back. “I want to talk to you about something.”

Jensen reached for the remote and muted the TV as he turned toward Jared. “Ok… you have my attention.”

Jared cleared his throat, swallowed audibly to give him time to gather his courage and then quietly asked, “How do you feel about… sex?”

Jensen’s eyes widened and then he smiled broadly. “With you? I’m for it!”

Jared laughed as Jensen climbed onto his lap and straddled him. Jensen leaned down and kissed Jared softly. “We do it every night… and I thought you could tell that I would never turn it down.”

Jared ran his hands up Jensen’s back as he laughed. “You’re crazy… I love that about you.” Jared paused. “But… I’m talking about… penetration… being together completely, Jen. How do you feel about that?”

Jensen leaned back so he could see Jared’s face. Jensen had been thinking a lot about penetration over the last couple of weeks. They’d been intimate every night… hand jobs, blow jobs, dry humping… making out for hours. It had been glorious. But Jensen wanted more, and it was clear Jared did, too.

Jensen smiled at Jared. “I feel like it’s something I want to share with you. How do you feel about it?”

Jared puffed out a breath of air, reminding Jensen of Sam when he was dealing with something difficult. “I wanna share it with you, too.” Jared said with a gentle smile. “Wanna… do everything with you.” Jared paused. “But maybe we should talk logistics… like how, when, who… uh… bottoms… condoms, lube… um… getting tested and maybe tossing out the condoms…” Jared let his sentence trail off.

Jensen looked at Jared thoughtfully before speaking. “Definitely, let’s get tested… for everything. I don’t want barriers between us… not long-term. I do… wanna go there with you here in Canada… before we leave. This is where I fell in love with you. This is where I dreamed of being with you. This is where we got together after spending 13 years on our show. This is the right place to… consummate… our relationship, I think. I mean, we can wait, too… but this place has always been just ours so…”

Jensen’s cheeks flushed pink as he waited for Jared to respond.

Jared reached up and framed Jensen’s face with his hands. Smiling, he said, “I never figured you for a romantic, Ackles. I’ve never seen you… get mushy and emotional when you’ve been dating someone.”

Jensen looked deep into Jared’s eyes, whispering, “This is the first time you’re seeing me date someone I love.”

Jared felt tears gather behind his eyes as he realized the truth in Jensen’s statement. Quickly, he pulled Jensen’s face toward him, meeting him half-way with a passionate kiss. Once he had Jensen’s lips completely occupied, he spread his legs for leverage and slowly rose with Jensen, whose legs instinctively wrapped around Jared’s waist, in his arms.

Now that they had a bit of a plan, thoughts of tests, condoms and the tricky question of how far they’d go were purged from their minds as Jared laid Jensen down on the bed and lowered himself next to him.

A couple of days later, while Jensen met Danneel at their condo to finish packing up the remaining items they hadn’t yet reviewed for the ultimate destination: Jensen’s house or wherever Danneel’s ultimate destination would be, Jared went to the drug store.

He’d driven to the outskirts of Vancouver in hopes of remaining anonymous. He’d slicked his hair back into a short ponytail, eschewing his usual beanie in favor of a hairstyle people weren’t used to seeing on him. He wore slightly tinted horn-rimmed glasses and a bulky jacket with a high collar so he could hide his profile. He’d considered a fake moustache, but thought it would make him more obvious.

Now, he was standing in the personal hygiene aisle, looking at the condoms and lube. He’d neglected to ask Jensen which kind he preferred, and still didn’t know if he was receiving or giving . With that in mind, he grabbed a couple of different kinds of condom packs so they’d have choices, and then grabbed several bottles of KY, figuring they should have more of that since they didn’t know what the hell they were doing in the first place.

As Jared looked down into his basket, he wondered if he should throw a few other items in there so the condoms and lube didn’t look so conspicuous. He decided that some antiperspirant, toothpaste, mouthwash and several different moisturizers would make it look purely like a personal hygiene trip. 

As Jared approached the cashier, his palms were sweating and he could feel the nervous hysteria rising within him. Briefly he thought that maybe he should have grabbed a box of tampons to look a) heterosexual and b) like an evolved man just to ensure no one would look in his basket and realize he was getting ready for a big old gay love-fest. 

Jared took a deep breath, trying to get himself under control. He knew he was being paranoid so he puffed out a breath and put his basket on the counter. 

“Hey.” Jared said as he looked through his wallet, getting cash ready. He didn’t intend to use anything with his name on it for this. Mentally, he made a note to order this stuff online once he and Jensen were back in Austin. That would be safer and easier.

The cashier’s eyes widened when she noted who was at her register. “Hi.” 

Quickly and efficiently the cashier rang through Jared’s purchases. “$93.81 please.”

Jared put five $20 Canadian dollar bills into the waiting hand without meeting the cashier’s eyes. He was relaxing since it appeared he wasn’t recognized. He should have known he had overreacted. “There you go.”

The cashier gave Jared his change and his bag with his purchased goods. She smiled brightly as Jared turned to leave. “Have a nice day!”

As a relieved Jared got into his SUV and backed out of his parking spot, the cashier grabbed her phone and pulled up her Twitter app.

_@SPN_SammyIsMyBaby  
Sam Winchester just bought a bunch of condoms  & lots of lube in my store. I’m screaming! #SPNFamily #Wincest #J2_

Blissfully unaware that his purchase was being discussed on Twitter, Tumblr and LiveJournal, Jared made another stop and then drove back to the hotel and went up to the suite to wait for Jensen. He figured he had maybe an hour to get things ready. He decided to text Jensen just to make sure.

Me: _Hey. Miss u… when will u be back?_

Jensen Ackles: _Miss u too. 45 – 60 minutes._

Jared set his phone on the coffee table and got to work.

A little over an hour later, Jensen walked through the door and into their suite. The lights were low and candles were set out everywhere. And there were flowers, purple and white daisies, in vases on every flat surface. 

Jensen’s eyes misted over as he thought about the time he and Jared had gone to the ACL Festival in Austin several years earlier. There had been a young girl selling flowers from a basket as she walked amongst the crowd, hoping someone would want to buy flowers for their sweetheart. 

“Flowers for your sweetheart? Flowers for your love?” the girl asked each couple she passed, hoping they’d buy a bunch.

It had been clear she didn’t have much in life and she wasn’t having much luck selling her flowers, either. Jared had gone up to her and had purchased two bunches of daisies: one purple, one white. And then he’d given her a hug and $100. As he’d turned back to Jensen, holding out the white daisies for him to take, Jared had slid one of the purple flowers over his ear and into his hair. Jared had looked beautiful and Jensen had been mesmerized.

“Daisies for my sweetheart.” Jared had said with a smile and a wink as Jensen blushed and took the flowers.

“Dude…” Jensen protested as his heart beat sped up and his breath caught in his throat.

Jared had wrapped his arm around Jensen and pulled him into a quick hug with a laugh. “You love them and you know it.”

Jared released Jensen and started walking, a wistful smile on his face that Jensen couldn’t see. “Beer me, Ackles!”

Jensen watched Jared walk toward the food stands and then looked down at the daisies. Smiling to himself, Jensen tucked the small bouquet into the back right pocket of his jeans and then strode quickly to catch up with Jared.

Jensen left the sweet memory behind and focused on the present. Soft music played in the background; he could just make out the sound of strings. And then the sound swelled… Benedictus. Jensen smiled as he realized that Jared had put 2Cellos on the sound system.

“Jared?” Jensen called out as he set down his backpack and placed his keys and wallet on the console table just inside the door.

Jared came up behind Jensen and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him close as he kissed Jensen’s neck softly. “Hi babe.”

Jensen smiled and leaned back into Jared. “Hey. What is all this?”

Jared turned Jensen around and framed his face with his hands. Leaning down, he captured Jensen’s lips in a sweet, lingering kiss before whispering, “I’m romancing you.”

“Mmmmm…” Jensen hummed as Jared deepened their kiss. Jensen made a little noise of protest when Jared finally broke away.

With a sweet smile on his face, Jared took Jensen’s hand. “Come with me.”

Jared turned and led Jensen into the bedroom where he’d placed more candles and flowers. Jensen stopped walking and tugged Jared to a stop with him.

“ACL Festival. 2015. You gave me daisies.” Jensen said in awe as Jared turned to look at him.

Smiling softly, Jared stepped back to Jensen and laid his hand on his cheek. “Daisies for my sweetheart…”

Jensen blinked back tears. “They meant something to me.” Jensen whispered. “I didn’t know they’d meant something to you...”

Jared gently caressed Jensen’s cheek with his thumb. “Whenever I’ve let instinct take over, it’s always led me directly to you, Jensen.”

Jensen closed his eyes as emotion overwhelmed him. Jared kissed him softly and then resumed leading Jensen to the bed. Jared climbed onto the bed and pulled Jensen with him. They lay down together and just looked into each other’s eyes.

“So… I bought us some… supplies. For tonight. If you’re up for it…” Jared said softly.

Jensen smiled at Jared. “And would those supplies be condoms and lube?”

Jared drew his brows together quizzically as he smiled. “Yeah… did you just guess because of all the romancing I’m doing… or do you have someone spying on me?”

Jensen smirked and slid his hand into the pocket of his jeans, pulling out his phone. After hitting a few buttons, he turned the phone around so Jared could see it. “Your excursion made it to Twitter.”

“Oh my god!” Jared yelled as he sat up. “Are you even kidding me right now? I wore my horn-rimmed glasses and I went way out of town…”

Jensen couldn’t help himself. He started laughing. “Dude… you’re 6’5”. That’s a lot of Padalecki to disguise.” Jensen continued to laugh as Jared flapped his arms around and huffed and puffed as he tried to process what had transpired.

Jensen’s laughter had turned to tears as he watched Jared continue to flail about. Between his giggles, Jensen managed to say, “Just your luck you had a Wincest shipper at the register…”

Jared collapsed back onto the bed and stared at the ceiling. “Fuck me.” he uttered under his breath.

Jensen stuffed his phone back into his pocket and wiggled his eyebrows at Jared. “Is that an invitation, cowboy?”

Jared gave Jensen an irritated look. “Dude… how can you even think about sex right now? People are talking about me buying condoms! And lube! Oh my god… lube… lots of lube, Jen. I bought a shit-ton. Why the fuck didn’t I just buy it on Amazon Prime? Two-day shipping, Jensen! We could have waited 2 more days… Jesus!” Jared dramatically flung his arm over his eyes and sighed loudly. “I will never… NEVER… live this down.”

Jensen reached out to touch Jared’s arm but quickly pulled his hand back when Jared suddenly sat up. “Misha. Did Misha see it? Is he commenting? Did he retweet? Oh sweet baby Jesus…. Amell. Did he say anything? Oh my god…” Jared was about to climb out of the bed to pace, but Jensen grabbed him and pulled him back.

“Shhh… babe. It’s ok. Misha didn’t retweet. Amell didn’t say a damn word. It was just a bunch of Wincest and J2 shippers squeeing about Sam & Dean… doin’ it. And, uh… speculation that maybe it was for you and me.” Jensen let that hang there.

Jared’s eyes grew wide. “Jesus, Jensen. Did I out us?”

Jensen pulled Jared’s face to his. “No. You didn’t. Jay… it’s ok. If it makes you feel better, call Gen and see if she’ll tweet out a pic of you & her and hashtag it #DateNight. Then anyone who’s paying attention will assume she’s having… a great night.”

Jensen did not like the thought of that, but it was an easy way to clean up the unexpected mess.

Jared nodded. “Yeah… yeah. Good idea.” After a long pause, Jared restated his position. “No, Jen. I don’t want to do that. It’s a lie! I’m just not gonna say anything. Gonna let it ride. People can assume whatever the hell they want. Are you ok with that?”

Jensen smiled and tugged Jared’s hand so he’d lay back down next to him. “I like that option best, Jay. Although… I wish I could respond with ‘Guess who’s getting lucky tonight!’ and not give a shit about who knows how much I want you inside me.”

Jared’s smile turned into a look of surprise and then morphed into a seductive look. “You want me inside of you, Jen? We haven’t talked about who would be inside whom… is that how you want this to go?”

“Yeah, Jay…” Jensen whispered. “Thought about it so much… so many years… giving myself to you…”

Jared closed his eyes and shivered. “Oh god… Jen… I want that so much. Hearing you say it… fuck…”

Jared opened his eyes and held Jensen’s gaze. Jensen’s eyes were full of desire… and love… and need. The sheer emotion Jared found there took his breath away.


	16. Every Breath You Take

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: chapter contains explicit descriptions of sexual acts.

Jensen smiled softly at Jared as he reached up to push his hair back from his face. “You’ve certainly set the stage, Padalecki. You gonna follow through?”

Jared’s response to Jensen’s teasing was to lean down and kiss him. Jared brought his hand up and held Jensen’s face gently as he increased the passion of his kiss. When Jensen made one of his needy noises, Jared growled in return and pulled Jensen more tightly to him. 

Jared took his time unbuttoning Jensen’s shirt as they continued to kiss. They had time. They had all night, and he had every intention of making this an evening to remember. 

Jensen shivered as Jared slid his hand under his open shirt and pushed it from his shoulder. Jared moved to straddle Jensen as he continued to touch him as his slowly pulled Jensen’s shirt away from his body. Jared’s eyes traveled Jensen’s skin and he smiled when Jensen blushed under his gaze.

“Don’t be shy, Jensen…” Jared whispered as he leaned down to kiss his collarbone. “You know I love everything I see.”

Jensen turned pinker at Jared’s praise. He still couldn’t believe that he and Jared were finally in this place where their love had an outlet and that there was nothing but honesty between them. As hard as it was to tear down what he and Danneel had built, to have something now that was genuine and based on what his heart truly desired made him feel hopeful and inspired.

Jensen arched up into Jared’s soft kisses as he made his way down his chest and stomach. Jared turned his head and nuzzled the soft skin of Jensen’s belly. For a moment, Jensen felt self-conscious about the fact that he didn’t have the ripped abs that Jared possessed. He was reminded of shirtless photos of him playing soccer many years earlier… and all the shit he’d gotten from the crew for having a less than well-defined ab region.  
In a moment of self-doubt, Jensen tensed up as he wondered how Jared, who still had the muscles of a Greek god, could even find his softness attractive. Jared felt the change in Jensen and looked up in concern. Jensen’s eyes were closed and his lips were pressed together in what could only be called a grimace.

Jared sat up and looked down at his lover. “Jen…”

“Yeah.” Jensen’s response was soft and he didn’t look at Jared as he said.

“What’s wrong?” Jared gently squeezed the sides of Jensen’s waist to comfort him. Instead, Jensen rolled his head to the side and stared at the wall saying nothing.

Jared looked down at his hands and thought about the moments before he sensed the change. Jared tightened his grip when he felt he understood what was troubling Jensen. Instead of saying anything, Jared moved his hands to his jeans to unbutton them and then he unzipped the fly. He freed his cock and held it loosely in his hand. He used his free hand to move Jensen’s hand to his cock, which was all hardness covered by velvety soft skin.

“Do you feel what touching you does to me, Jen?” Jared said softly as he wrapped his hand around Jensen’s and began slowly thrusting into their entwined hands. “Touching you, kissing you… loving every part of you does this to me.”

Jensen turned and looked up at Jared. Jared’s eyes were intense – full of desire – as he continued to jack himself off with languid strokes of Jensen’s hand enveloped within his own. “You’re so fucking hot, Jen. Before we were together, I could barely keep my eyes off you. Now? All I want to do is touch you… all the time.”

Jensen lowered his eyes and smiled as he watched Jared continue to thrust himself into their hands. He knew was loved by the man above him and he’d have to get over comparisons between them; holding onto insecurities would put a barrier between them that Jensen didn’t want. 

Feeling more confident, Jensen looked back up and Jared and gave him a sultry smile. “You gonna keep jacking yourself off or are you gonna get back to me?”

Jared’s eyes narrowed as waves of desire rolled through him. Jared’s voice was low and full of need as he whispered, “Gonna get back to you…”

Jared moved so he could continue kissing his way down Jensen’s body. Jensen’s hips bucked when Jared wrapped his hand around his cock. When Jared sucked him down, Jensen moaned loudly. Jared’s technique had exponentially improved over the last few weeks and it wasn’t long before Jensen was shouting his release as Jared licked and sucked Jensen through his orgasm.

As Jared moved back up to kiss Jensen, he grabbed the lube from the bedside table. He gathered a blissed-out Jensen against him and kissed him deeply. Jensen sighed with happiness as he tasted himself on Jared’s tongue. Jared flicked open the bottle of lube and covered his fingers as they continued to kiss.

Jared slowly moved his hand down between Jensen’s legs. As his fingers found Jensen’s entrance, Jensen instinctively spread his legs, sliding one up and over onto Jared’s hip. Jared continued kissing Jensen as he carefully began to open him. 

Jared’s fingers were sure and gentle as he slid his finger into Jensen. It was an intense moment for Jared as Jensen first let him inside. Jared groaned as Jensen relaxed into his touch. “Love you…” Jared moaned as he felt the silky softness just inside of Jensen.

Jensen broke their kiss and looked into Jared’s eyes. “Love you, too, Jay. Want you so much…”

Jared smiled and kissed Jensen’s eyelids. “Want you, too, Jen. God… I can’t wait to be inside of you…”

Jensen slid his hand down, encompassing Jared’s in his own, holding Jared inside of him. “Want you inside me…”

Jared shuddered at the feeling of Jensen’s hand holding his fingers inside him. “Jen… Jen…” Jared whispered as he began moving his fingers deeper and deeper. The feeling of Jensen, all slick and opening for him, was driving Jared out of his mind. He knew he could get lost in this feeling… the closeness, the sheer intimacy of the act… but he had to stay in the moment and make sure he was taking proper care of Jensen as he prepped him.

Whenever Jensen tensed from the fullness of Jared’s penetrating fingers, Jared would slow his ministrations and kiss Jensen tenderly until he relaxed enough for Jared to continue. Jared could be with Jensen like this for hours, he mused. But when Jensen’s hips began moving, Jared knew it was time to take their love to the next level.

Jensen moaned from the loss of Jared’s fingers inside him. 

“Jen…” Jared whispered. “Do you want to roll over? It’s supposed to be easier that way…”

Jensen’s eyes opened and he looked up at Jared. Jared could see the love and the need and knew Jensen found the same in his eyes, too. “No… wanna see you, Jay. Gotta be able to hold you.”

Jensen’s voice was raspy from desire. Jared nodded and reached for the condom. He quickly put it on and then moved between Jensen’s open legs. Jared looked down at his best friend and lover. “You’re beautiful, Jen… so fucking beautiful.”

Jensen smiled Jared. “Quit romancing me and get to the good stuff, Padalecki.”

Jared laughed and kissed Jensen soundly. He kept the kiss going as he worked to position himself. As he started pushing into Jensen’s body, Jared moved his hands up to frame Jensen’s face. He kissed him deeply, passionately as he began to carefully slide himself into Jensen.

Their union went in fits and starts as Jared tried to maintain control of his orgasm. He’d move in a little and Jensen would tense up. They’d kiss and Jensen would relax and let Jared in a little deeper. It was a slow dance that took patience, but when Jared was finally all the way inside of Jensen, they opened their eyes and held one another’s gaze. Their union was complete now.

“I’m inside you, Jen…” Jared whispered with awe.

“You’re inside me, Jay…” Jensen whispered back, his eyes full of emotion. 

Jared kissed Jensen softly and then pressed their cheeks together as he began to move. With every thrust, Jared whispered into Jensen’s ear, “I’m inside you… I’m inside you…”

As the passion mounted, Jared began to babble, professing his love, telling Jensen how good he felt… anything that came to mind. Jensen closed his eyes and let Jared’s love wash over him, transporting him to a place where there was nothing but the two of them – totally in love and forever together.

Jared looked down at Jensen and could tell he was completely into what they were doing, so he picked up the pace and the force of his thrusts. When he hit Jensen’s prostate, his eyes flew open.

“Oh god… Jared… that was…” Jensen breathed out and then gasped as Jared hit it again. “Fuck… yeah… god… Jay, don’t stop.” 

Jared didn’t know what was happening, but he definitely didn’t want to stop so he kept pounding into Jensen. When Jensen grew hard, Jared looked down in wonder. Clearly, being on the bottom had some benefits and he couldn’t wait to try it.

Jensen’s gasps and moans and groans of appreciation held Jared’s attention. He worked to give Jensen as much pleasure as he could. Suddenly Jensen tensed up, tightening around Jared; driving him insane. As Jensen’s cock began pulsing as another orgasm rushed through him, Jared pounded into Jensen several more times and then shouted his own release.

As he collapsed onto Jensen, Jared could feel Jensen’s come between their stomachs. “Fuck… so hot, Jen. You’re so fucking hot…”

Jensen was so drained, he could barely speak, but he managed to whisper, “I love you, Jay…”

Jared kissed Jensen and then rolled onto his side, pulling Jensen with him. They held each other close as they recovered. Jared smiled as Jensen’s hand found his. He was such a hand-holder, and Jared loved that about him. As the minutes passed and their breathing returned to normal, Jared thought about what they’d just shared.

All of his life, Jared had been looking for a love like this. He’d thought he found it with Sandy. But then he’d met Jensen and he’d realized that what he wanted couldn’t be found with Sandy, so they’d called things off. When nothing happened with Jensen when they lived together, Jared pursued Gen because he wanted love and a family. All along, what he really wanted – what he really needed – was at his side every day.

And now Jensen was in his arms and they were starting a whole new life together. Jared held Jensen more tightly, thankful that this love hadn’t passed them by; that it hadn’t been too late for them to have each other. Maybe for them, it would never been too late.

“I love you, Jen.” Jared whispered.

Jensen burrowed more deeply into Jared’s embrace. “Love you, Jay.”

“That was amazing.” Jared’s voice was soft and full of love. “I had no idea it would be like that. That we’d be like that.”

Jensen hummed his approval into Jared’s shoulder. “I know… looking up and seeing you… feeling you inside me. I felt complete, Jay. Totally complete, for the first time in my life…”

Jensen rolled away from Jared, just enough to be able to look into his eyes. “Tell me we can have this forever, Jay. Tell me we’ll always have this… us.”

Jared rolled over until Jensen was beneath him. Jared smiled down into Jensen’s eyes. “I promise you, Jensen. We’ll always have this.”

Jensen blinked away the tears that had gathered in his eyes. “I was afraid it was too late when we got married, started having kids… I thought any chance for us was well in the past.”

Jared kissed Jensen gently and then whispered softly. “It’s never too late.”

While Jared and Jensen reveled in their newfound love, unbeknownst to them, a blind gossip site posted a new entry.

_All’s Not Super for This Couple_

_For this long-time couple, something seems to be amiss. Rumor has it that a certain vertically-blessed actor is living away from his former guest-star wife, spending his evenings at a downtown hotel. Perhaps there’s nothing demonic about it; it could just be short-term adjustments due to a recent change in his work life. Or, could it be that their marriage is about to experience the old salt and burn?_


	17. Austin City Limits

Jared awoke with Jensen in his arms and his cell phone incessantly ringing. He flung his free arm around and his hand eventually landed on his phone. Jensen grumbled and wiggled to get closer to Jared. Jared smiled and kissed his neck as he squinted at his phone.

Spilo. Again.

Jared pressed talk and put the phone to his ear. “Hey.”

Dan Spilo had been Jared’s agent since he was first in the industry. He was beyond having to rely on pleasantries before getting to the meat of the discussion. “Have you and Gen split?”

At first Jared thought Dan meant Jen, but then he realized Dan was referring to his wife. Jared cleared his throat. “Well, hello, Dan. Nice to hear from you.”

Dan sighed. “Cut the shit, Jared. There was a blind posted last night with a rumor that you’re living away from Gen at a downtown hotel.” Dan read the blind item to Jared. “So, is it true?”

It was Jared’s turn to sigh. “It’s complicated, Dan.”

Dan didn’t say anything for a few moments. “Is Jensen with you?”

Jared closed his eyes. No mention or reference to Jensen in the blind, and still Spilo knew. He wondered how many people had seen something besides friendship between him and Jensen over the years. Jared’s voice was soft as he responded. “Yes.”

Dan leaned back in his office chair and looked up at the ceiling. He’d been afraid of this happening for years. Along with the studio, he’d backed the play to keep Clif around to ensure that Jared and Jensen would never have the opportunity to take their friendship and make it into something more. Clearly something had gone awry with the plan since Supernatural ended.

“Jared…” Dan started.

“I know what you’re going to say, Dan.” Jared said before he could continue. “It doesn’t matter. Not anymore. Jensen and I are together and that’s the way it’s going to be.”

Jensen turned in Jared’s arms and looked up at him. His eyes showed he was troubled so Jared leaned down and kissed him softly.

Dan heard the soft snick of Jared’s kiss. “Jesus, Jared… don’t kiss him while we’re trying to talk. Man, you know I want you to be happy… but you can’t just throw everything away. You gotta preserve what you have with your family, Jared. Think of them. Think of your career.”

“Go fuck yourself, Dan.” Jared said softly as he pressed end and placed the phone back on the nightstand.

Jared rolled onto his back and looked up at the ceiling. Jensen looked at him pensively, afraid to ask what had prompted the agent’s call. Jared knew he’d be wondering so he just offered up the information. “Blind item has me separated and living in a downtown hotel. No mention of you – but Spilo’s not stupid. Clearly.”

Jensen sighed and rolled onto his back, too. “I’m sorry, Jay.”

Jared turned on his side and looked at Jensen. “Don’t be, Jen. I’m not ashamed of what I feel for you. I told you – if it weren’t for our families, I’d have already let everyone know how I feel about you. But we gotta consider the girls and our kids, so we should probably step up the move back to the states. Don’t you think?”

Jensen considered Jared’s statement. “Out of sight, out of mind – down in Austin with our families…” Jensen nodded. “Far less scrutiny, for sure. I think you’re right.”

Jared pulled Jensen to him and kissed him. “Let’s call the girls so we finalize our plans to get back to Austin.”

Several hours later, the four adults sat around the Padalecki’s dining room table while the 3 kids played together in the living room.

Danneel’s demeanor was still standoffish, but she was trying. Meanwhile, Gen looked to be adjusting ok. Her face was open, friendly even, as she waited for the boys to speak.

Jared looked at the two women and swallowed nervously before starting. “So… just to get you both up to speed. Spilo called me this morning to tell me that there was a blind item speculating that Gen and I had split.”

Danneel threw her hands up in the air. “It’s always something with you two. So… what? Now everyone knows about… everything?” 

Danneel crossed her arms in front of her, closing everyone out. On her face, she wore a grimace of disgust. She was still very angry and it didn’t take much to set her off. Jensen looked at his soon to be ex-wife. His heart broke a little every time he saw her. Not because they’d split, but because he knew how much he’d hurt her. In the midst of all of his new-found happiness, Danneel was alone and angry. He knew it wasn’t fair, but he couldn’t see a way around it.

Jared held up his hands and looked at Gen. “No one knows anything for certain, although… Spilo guessed right off. I told him to mind his own business.”

Gen tentatively smiled and nodded for Jared to continue while Danneel rolled her eyes.

“No one even knows if the blind is right. So… Jensen and I were thinking we could move up our travel dates and get back to Austin as soon as possible. There’s less scrutiny there and we can take our time to sort things out without being under a microscope like we are up here.” Jared didn’t look at Danneel, but did look to Gen and then Jensen.

“Great.” Danneel scoffed. “Back to Austin we go. And then what? We haven’t even decided who’s going where. I mean, where the hell am I going to live?” Danneel was worried about how this was going to play out. She liked Austin. It was closer to her parents than LA, but the scene was fairly low-brow compared to what she was used to. She liked the action and the energy in LA. She missed it.

Jensen looked at the mother of his child. “Where do you want to live, Danni?”

Danneel looked at Jensen. She wanted to be as far away from him as possible, but the fact that they had a child added a significant complication. “I want to split my time between LA and Austin.”

Jensen raised an eyebrow in surprise. “We don’t have any property in LA anymore. Just our house in Austin and the ranch…”

Danneel fixed Jensen with her steely gaze. “Well, I want a place in LA, Jensen. Something simple, it can be understated, maybe in Brentwood. We could get something for a couple of million, easy.” Danneel paused and then added, “And the ranch. I want the ranch.”

Jensen closed his eyes. He’d known she was going to go after concessions but he hadn’t expected it to start so soon. He felt Jared’s knee press against his own. Jensen opened his eyes and smiled. “Ok. We can do that.”

Danneel held Jensen’s gaze. “And I want them both in just my name. Before the divorce.”

Gen shifted uncomfortably as she watched Danneel negotiating extra assets on top of what she’d eventually get. Gen didn’t understand her approach, but there was no way she was going to say or do anything to draw Danneel’s attention to her.

Jared lightly tapped Jensen’s knee three times with his own. A silent “I love you” he couldn’t say out loud.

Jensen nodded. “Sure, Danni. Both in your name.”

Satisfied, Danneel leaned back in her chair and let her arms relax. She and JJ would have everything they needed and she’d have enough in assets to ensure that JJ would never want for anything. That’s what mattered.

Jared cleared his throat nervously and looked at Gen. “Gen… where do you want to live?”

Gen smiled hesitantly. “Well, I was thinking… our house. I thought maybe you and Jensen would be living in his? Did I make a bad assumption?”

Jared smiled, for real this time. “I think that works. Jen?”

Jensen tore his gaze away from the centerpiece on the table. He met Jared’s eyes. “Yes. It works.”

Jared looked at Jensen with concern. Jensen gave him a smile, meant to reassure, but Jared could see the sadness there. They couldn’t talk about it now, but they would later when they were alone.

Jared nodded to keep things moving. “Ok. That’s settled. You know, Danneel… we had a lot of renovations done on the house in Austin, including an expansion of the guest house. You and JJ can stay there if you want…” 

“No.” Danneel said. “I think Jensen is going to buy me my own place in the neighborhood, near the current houses. That’s where I’ll be with JJ when I’m in town.” Danneel paused and looked at Jensen. “A new house. Also in my name.”

Jensen blinked rapidly, fighting back tears. “I know. Before the divorce. Whatever you want, Danneel.”

Gen sighed audibly. She couldn’t allow Danneel to derail this. “Danni…”

Danneel looked at Gen. She wasn’t any happier with her than she was with Jensen at this point. “I can’t imagine that I’m interested in anything you have to say, Genevieve.”

Gen stood, her hands trembling in anger. “Whether you’re interested or not, Danni, I don’t care. But you need to stop right now. They didn’t try to do this. It just was, and has always been. Taking everything from Jensen isn’t going to change anything. And I won’t watch you hurt him this way. He’ll do whatever you ask – because he loves you and the daughter you share. But don’t abuse it… don’t do that. It’s not right.”

Gen walked over and put her hand on Jensen’s shoulder as a sign of solidarity. “I’m going to check on the kids.”

Danneel watched Gen leave the room and then looked at Jensen. He looked wrecked and suddenly the sadness and the fear overwhelmed her. She covered her face with her hands and cried softly. 

Jared stood and walked to her, placing a hand on her shoulder. “Danni… it’s ok. Everything is going to be ok.”

From behind her hands, Danneel whispered, “Nothing will ever be ok again, Jared.”

Jared gently squeezed Danneel’s shoulder. “Yes, it will. But we have to believe in that, Danni. We gotta stick together and be kind to one another. We have three kids who need us and we all want them to be happy. Let’s focus there. You know Jen will give you anything you want. You don’t have to worry about finances. I promise you, everything will be fine.”

Danneel shook her head. She still couldn’t wrap her head around the whole situation. She’d tried. She’d been civil. Nearly friendly at times. But now the gossip was starting, and eventually the whole thing would be out there for the whole world to see… and everyone would know what an idiot she’d been.

Jared squatted down and looked up at Danneel. “I know you’re mad, Danni. You have a right to be. But be mad at me, ok? Blame me. If I’d been true to myself all those years ago, we wouldn’t be where we are now. And now… I was the one who kissed Jensen. It was my choice – so blame me. Just know that I’m sorry – so very sorry. I hope someday you can forgive me.”

Jared rose and returned to Jensen’s side. Danneel dried her eyes and looked over at the two men. Neither of them looked happy. In fact, they both had a sad aura about them. And she knew that her outburst had caused it.

“I’m sorry.” Danneel whispered as she looked at the centerpiece on the table. It wasn’t fancy – just a silver bowl with scented potpourri in it. But it was something to look at that didn’t involve meeting her husband’s eyes.

Jensen looked at Danneel. “It’s ok, Danni. We’ll get through it.”

Gen came back to the table, taking in the atmosphere. “So… are we ready to talk logistics?”

From there, they got down to business, determining how to ship items, where to ship them and planning how to get their cars back to the US. They decided that Jared and Jensen would drive the big SUV with all of the dogs and Danneel and Gen would each drive one of the other two vehicles. Danneel would take JJ with her and Gen would take the boys. They’d drive from Vancouver to Austin caravan style.

Gen brought a laptop to the table and they planned out the multi-day journey. In the past, Jared and Jensen, back in their single days, had driven from Vancouver to Austin in 3 days. They’d been long days, but they’d had walkie-talkies, and they’d amused themselves by using CB lingo the whole way. Now, with kids and multiple dogs, the trip would be longer. 

The first day, they’d stop in Boise, Idaho. The second day, they’d drive to Cheyenne, Wyoming. Those would be the two longer days. On day three, they’d stop in Amarillo, Texas and they’d arrive in Austin late on the fourth day. They left room in the schedule to be able to stop at Rocky Mountain National Park if the kids were up for it, and they all agreed that if they needed to amend the schedule because the days were too long for the kids, they would.

Satisfied they had a sound approach, all that remained was to finish packing and labeling the boxes with the appropriate destinations. For now, all of Danneel’s and Gen’s things would be sent to the Padalecki house and all of Jared and Jensen’s things would be sent to the Ackles house. Danneel had softened on her demand for another house in the neighborhood; at least for now.

Danneel went out onto the balcony to get some air. She was feeling especially emotional now that it was becoming real. They had plans. They’d made decisions. It was all progressing, despite her desire to return to more innocent times… times when she had a husband who seemed to love her, and she was secure in the illusion of safety that a nuclear family provided her.

Danneel wasn’t surprised when Jensen joined her.

“Hey.”

Danneel squinted into the sun without looking at Jensen. “What am I going to tell Gino?”

Jensen looked out at the Vancouver skyline. Gino was living in their house in Austin. Clearly, they’d have to tell him something, because he’d be impacted by this, too.

“What about the truth?” Jensen suggested. He couldn’t see a way around it. He’d been supporting Danneel’s brother for a long time. He was going to have to move out of their house. Maybe Gino could finally find a way to make it on his own.

Danneel looked over at Jensen. “You want me to tell him that you’re suddenly gay and that Jared is moving into our house?”

Jensen sighed and looked down as he kicked the railing with his shoe. “Danni… I’m not suddenly gay. And yes, we all just decided that Jared is moving into… the house. Gino’s going to have to find some place to live. I’m sorry if that’s inconvenient for him, but he’s been getting a pretty sweet deal all these years, and honestly? I don’t feel bad about this part, Danni. He needs to stand on his own two feet.”

Jensen looked over at his wife, meeting her gaze unflinchingly, daring her to challenge him on that.

Danneel looked away. Jensen was right. Gino had used Jensen to attain a lifestyle he’d never have been able to have on his own. But, Jensen had used Gino to occupy Danneel when he was up in Vancouver. Maybe it’d been a fair trade.

“You want me to call him?” Jensen asked. “It’s my story… I can tell it.”

Danneel shook her head. “No. I’ll tell him.” Danneel sighed audibly. “And I will be kind about it, Jensen. I mean… I’ll try to. But you know – my emotions right now…”

Jensen nodded. “I know.”

Jared stuck his head out of the condo. “Gen and I were thinking we could take the kids to dinner.” After a pause he added, “All of us.”

Jensen looked at Danneel. “You ok with that? We’re going to have to pretend everything is ok. Between all of us.”

Danneel’s smile was tiny, but real. “I think I can manage dinner.”

Later that night, Jared held Jensen tightly in his arms as they recovered from making love. 

Dinner had been an interesting affair. They’d been spotted by fans and had allowed them to take several pictures. There were a few fans who had wanted both Jared and Gen in their shots, which, once posted, cooled the rumors about trouble with the marriage. At least for the short-term.

They’d spent some time with the kids after dinner. They were adjusting well to Jared and Jensen leaving together at the end of the day. They’d just kiss their fathers good-bye and accept that they’d see them the next day. Saying good-bye to Gen and Danneel was still awkward, but they were getting through it.

On the way back to the hotel, Jensen had cried a bit. He often did whenever he had a confrontation with Danneel. Jared would just hold his hand and be there for him. Everyone grieved differently; for Jensen, tears seemed to be the best release of emotion.

Jared still dropped Jensen off down the block from the hotel and then valet parked. Jensen stuck to the side elevators and avoided crowds as he made his way to their suite. He didn’t like hiding, but they didn’t need to put any fuel on the fire when it came to rumors around Jared right now.

Jensen shifted position so that Jared could spoon him. Jared obliged, wrapping him up in his arms. Jensen sighed as he felt Jared’s love all around him. 

“Jay… do you think this is going to get better?” Jensen was afraid that things would always be tense and that they’d always have to hide what they felt.

“I do.” Jared stated confidently. “Things with the girls will get better… and someday, maybe not too far in the future, we’ll come out. And we’ll tell everyone.”

“You’re not afraid?” Jensen’s voice wavered with emotion.

Jared hugged Jensen, squeezing him tight. “Jen… as long as you’re here, next to me… loving me… there’s nothing that scares me. We can do this.”

Jensen reached for Jared’s hand, pulling it to his lips. He placed a soft kiss on the back of his knuckles. “I love you, Jared.”

Jared smiled into the nape of Jensen’s neck. He placed a soft kiss there. “I love you, too, Jensen.”

Tomorrow would be a new day.


	18. This Masquerade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: this chapter contains explicit descriptions of sexual acts.

Once the families were back in Austin, they quickly established a routine. The first few weeks entailed lots of after-dark transport of essentials from one house to the other. They were moving small personal things when the neighborhood was quiet. They didn’t want to attract unnecessary attention by contracting movers or by moving things during the day.

Jared and Gen decided that they’d go first with the divorce proceedings. They worked out their own division of property, with Jared giving Gen more than she’d asked for. She felt guilty about taking things from him. He’d always been so generous with her and her family; he was beyond gracious.

Jared and Spilo had reached a detente of sorts. They weren’t talking much, but Dan helped them craft their press release to announce their divorce. He’d advised that they keep it short and be seen co-parenting their kids together so that people were more likely to believe their statement.

Before authorizing the release, Jared and Gen knew they had to tell their parents about what was happening. Gen would talk in generalities about growing apart, while Jared decided he’d tell his parents the truth. To do so, he made the drive from Austin to San Antonio. Jensen accompanied Jared on the drive, although he wouldn’t be going to the house with him. Jared had booked a room for Jensen at a nearby hotel and dropped him there before heading to his parents’ house. If things went well, Jared would be back to pick Jensen up. If they didn’t, Jared would spend the night in the hotel with Jensen and they’d leave in the morning.

Jared’s parents greeted him with glee when he arrived. They were thankful for the unexpected visit of their middle child. They never got to see him as much as they wanted to so any reason for a visit was a good one in their book.

Jared dropped his duffel just inside the door as he wrapped his mother up in a bear hug. “Hey, momma.”

Sherri Padalecki smiled broadly as her son squished her within an inch of her life. Jared kissed her cheek and then spun around to hug his dad.

“Hey dad.” Jared clapped his dad’s back twice and then let go. Gerry beamed at his son. He looked good – healthy, happy; just like Gerry and Sherri had always hoped he’d be.

Sherri grabbed Jared by the arm. “Guess who made you a cake, Jared.”

Jared smiled. His mother was always feeding him whenever he was home. Jared followed his mother into the kitchen and let her get him set up with some fresh lemonade and a big slice of double chocolate cake. Gerry grabbed a mug of coffee and joined Jared at the table with his own, much smaller, slice of cake.

“So, son. We were surprised to hear you were coming for a visit.” Gerry looked over his mug at his son. “Alone.”

“Gerry.” Sherri admonished. “Let him eat his cake. We can talk later.”

Jared’s parents had been surprised that Jared was coming to see them without his family. It was highly unusual and they were concerned about what might have inspired the solo visit. They’d speculated, but came to no conclusions. Now they just had to wait for Jared to open up and tell them what was on his mind.

Jared looked from his mother to his father. He knew it wouldn’t be any easier if he waited so he took a long draw of lemonade and pushed the cake back a bit. “It’s ok, momma. We can talk now. I do have some things to tell you.”

Sherri tried to suppress her worry. Jared would tell them whatever was bothering him and she and his father would support him. On that, they’d already agreed. Their middle child could sometimes be fragile. With a long history of fighting depression, Jared sometimes needed extra love and support. Especially if he was dealing with something troubling to him.

Sherri grabbed some lemonade and took the seat next to Gerry. “Ok, Jared. We’re here and we’re listening.”

Jared took another sip of lemonade. This was going to be hard, and he didn’t know how to say everything without hurting them. So, he just started to talk.

“First… I know this is going to come as a surprise to you, but Gen and I… we’re… um…” Jared paused. “We’re getting a divorce.”

Jared looked at his mother and father, watching their faces change from open and interested to concerned and surprised.

Jared cleared his throat. “So… we’re, uh… still friends. And we’re gonna be really good co-parents to the kids, but it’s just not right for us to be married anymore.”

Sherri and Gerry exchanged a look. Jared watched his parents and was desperate to know what they were thinking, but was also afraid to ask. Sherri saved him the trouble.

“Do you want to tell us the rest, Jared?” Sherri asked quietly. “Do you want to tell us why it’s not right for the two of you to be married anymore?”

Jared looked down at his cake. It had been difficult to tell his parents about the divorce. What he was going to say next was even more difficult. Jared sighed and locked gazes with his mother.

“I’m not in love with Gen.” Jared stated softly.

“Yes you are.” Sherri whispered.

“No, momma. I’m not.” Jared stated more firmly.

Sherri smiled at her son ruefully. She took Gerry’s hand in hers and spoke again. “I’m not talking about Genevieve, Jared.”

Jared’s mouth formed an “O” of surprise. His mother knew.

“Jared.” Sherri said softly. “You’ve been in love with Jensen for a long, long time.” She looked at her husband, who nodded in agreement. “We’ve always known. We just never understood why you didn’t.”

Jared’s eyes filled with tears. “You knew?”

Sherri reached over and took Jared’s hand in her own. “A mother always knows, Jared.”

As Jared’s tears fell, Sherri rose to grab him some tissues. She handed them to her son and hovered next to him, rubbing soothing circles on his back. “It’s ok, Jared. Everything is ok now. All we care about is that you’re happy. And that our grandbabies are happy.”

Jared blew his nose. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

Gerry puffed out a breath, reminding Jared of Sam Winchester when he was dealing with something tough. “We told you so many times how much we love Jensen… we just thought that if there was something there, you’d know and understand that we’re here to support you.”

Jared looked at his parents in surprise. As he dried his eyes, he said, “This didn’t go exactly how I thought it would.”

Jared’s parents smiled at him. Sherri dabbed at a tear in her own eye. “Well, I hope that’s a good thing, Jared. We love you. We’ll always love you. Now… why didn’t you bring Jensen with you? You know we’d love to see him.”

Jared’s eyes widened in surprise. “Well… like I said… this didn’t go the way I thought it might… so I didn’t think he needed to be here for this discussion.”

Gerry fixed his son with a serious gaze. “He’s close though, right? You at least brought him with you?”

Jared flushed pink and looked at the cake in front of him. “Yeah. I dropped him at a hotel…”

“Jared Tristan Padalecki!” Sherri admonished. “You go get him right now and I’ll start dinner. You boys need a good, home-cooked meal.”

Jared smiled at his parents through his tears. “I love you guys.”

Sherri smiled at her son, her gentle child. Her eyes grew misty with unshed tears. “We love you, too, Jared. Now, go get our future son-in-law and let’s have a feast!”

Two days later, Gen and Jared quietly filed for divorce. Jared was more than generous with how their assets were split and once they’d agreed on joint custody of their sons, there was nothing left to prevent them from moving forward.

Spilo released their statement to coincide with the filing.

_After much thought and careful consideration, we have made the mutual decision to separate. We remain close friends and co-parents, but will no longer meet the future as husband and wife. We ask that our privacy during this emotional time is respected._

Not long after the Padaleckis released their statement, a previous blind item was updated.

_All’s Not Super for This Couple - **SOLVED!**_

_For this long-time couple, something seems to be amiss. Rumor has it that a certain vertically-blessed actor is living away from his former guest-star wife, spending his evenings at a downtown hotel. Perhaps there’s nothing demonic about it; it could just be short-term adjustments due to a recent change in his work life. Or, could it be that their marriage is about to experience the old salt and burn?_

_UPDATE: Jared and Genevieve Padalecki released this joint statement today:_

_“After much thought and careful consideration, we have made the mutual decision to separate. We remain close friends and co-parents, but will no longer meet the future as husband and wife. We ask that our privacy during this emotional time is respected.” ___

_Yet another Hollywood marriage bites the dust, my friends. The question is – what happened? Not too long ago, Jared Padalecki was seen buying condoms and lube outside of Vancouver; potentially a strange purchase for someone in a long-term relationship. Could there be someone else out there for this hunky tall drink of water? Stay tuned!_

Not long after the blind item was updated, Spilo called Jared.

“Hey, Dan.” Jared said, tiredly. He didn’t want to deal with his agent right now, but they needed to get back to some normalcy so he’d taken the call just to get it over with.

Without preamble, Spilo started talking. “I’m sending a link to your phone. Read it. I’ll wait.”

Jared scanned the text and closed his eyes. “Fuck.”

“Yeah.” Spilo said emotionlessly. “Jared, I gotta tell you man – you need to be more careful. You don’t want rumors surrounding you on this.”

Jared sighed. “I know. I didn’t think that little trip would make it past the rabid fan base.”

“Well, it did. And I don’t have to tell you, with what you have going on down in Austin – this isn’t good. You all need to lay low. Jensen and Danneel should probably delay announcing their split so the speculation doesn’t go into overdrive.” Spilo paused. “Be careful, Jared. You don’t want to throw your whole career away, do you?”

Jensen walked into the great room and sat next to Jared as he finished his call with Dan. Jensen took Jared’s hand in his and waited until they were done talking. 

Jared squeezed Jensen’s hand as he responded to Dan’s question. “I’m not gonna worry about that now, Dan. I need to think about my kids – all three of them – and I want to focus on my future with Jensen. Whatever happens with my career, I’ll deal with it. I was actually planning to take time off and enjoy what I’m building with Jen.” Jared paused. “I’m tired, Dan. I’m tired of the games. I gotta go. Take care.”

Jared hit End Call and set his phone on the end table. He leaned his head back on the sofa and let out a long sigh.

“I’m sorry, Jay.” Jensen whispered. 

Jared rolled his head to the side and smiled at Jensen. “I’m not, Jen.”

Jared pulled Jensen against him and held him tight. “I love you so fucking much, Jensen Ackles. This is what I want. You are what I want. The rest of this is just noise and I’m not gonna let it touch us. Things with Gen are… good. We’re co-parenting and she supports us. My parents adore you and support us, too. Danneel… well, she’ll eventually come around. What else do we need?”

Jensen placed a soft kiss on Jared’s neck. “You’re right, Jared. We have everything we need.”

The next morning, Jensen managed to wake before Jared for once. His morning wood was nestled against Jared’s thigh. Jensen smiled as he thought about the night before. They’d made love for hours and Jared had shouted out his name as he came with nothing but Jensen’s cock buried inside him. 

Jensen rolled to the side and grabbed a condom off the nightstand. He quickly slid it on and then lubed it up. He rolled back to Jared and moved him onto his side. Jared’s groan turned into a moan as Jensen teased his entrance. He found Jared was still loose from last night, so he moved in behind him and began working his way inside. In his sleep, Jared pressed his hips back toward Jensen, seeking more.

Once Jensen was fully inside his lover, he reached around and began stroking Jared’s cock. Jared moaned and gasped as Jensen’s thrusts brought him fully awake.

“Mmmm… Jen…” Jared moaned as Jensen continued to roll their hips together as he stroked Jared’s cock. “I love waking up with you like this. So fucking hot…”

Jensen kissed Jared’s shoulder. “Love you, babe.”

Jared turned his head, trying for a kiss. “Wanna ride you, Jen… please…”

Jared’s whispered plea made Jensen gasp with want. Jensen withdrew from Jared’s body and rolled onto his back as Jared turned to straddle him. Jared, with tousled hair and sleepy eyes, loomed above Jensen. “Gotta have your cock, Jen…. Need it…”

Jensen closed his eyes and moaned as Jared took him inside of himself. Jared reached for Jensen’s hands and twined their fingers together as he rode Jensen’s cock.

The two men looked into each other’s eyes. They saw all the love, the need, the desire there.

Jared fell forward and kissed Jensen desperately as Jensen thrust himself up into Jared over and over. It wasn’t long before Jared’s come covered Jensen’s stomach and chest. Jensen loved the feeling of Jared coming on him. Knowing he could make Jared feel that way meant everything to him.

As Jensen’s orgasm rushed toward him, he clutched Jared to him, moaning his name as he panted from the effort of keeping the pace. Jared shuddered and groaned as he felt Jensen’s cock pulsing inside him. He loved the man beneath him so much and he would never, ever get enough of him like this.

Jared made a little noise of protest as Jensen withdrew from him. Jared rolled to the side, pulling Jensen with him. He covered Jensen’s face with soft kisses. “Love you so much, Jen.”

Jensen’s smile was satisfied. He’d never been happier than he was when he was with Jared, sharing moments like this. “Love you too, Jay.”

“I’ll never get enough of this. You. Us…” Jared said softly.

Jensen snuggled closer to Jared. “Me either, Jay."

The two men snuggled together, talking softly about plans for the day. Their touches were gentle and reverent, full of love. Eventually, they got up and showered together, ready to face the day as team.


	19. There's a Kind of Hush

As the months passed, the 4 adults and their children fell into a comfortable routine. Jared and Jensen lived in Jensen’s house and Gen and Danneel lived on Jared’s estate, with Danneel occupying the renovated guest house. Most nights, they ate dinner together as an extended family. The kids alternated nights between houses and thrived from having so much additional time with their fathers.

When Jared and Jensen traveled to conventions, Danneel and JJ would stay in the house she used to share with Jensen and Gen and the boys would stay in their house. Gino had moved in with his girlfriend as he continued to grow his brewery business. Each woman enjoyed some alone time with her children. Every night while Jared and Jensen were away, they Skyped with all three kids. They openly showed affection to one another and the kids now found that to be the norm, phasing them not at all.

Danneel and Jensen started talking about their upcoming divorce. While it was still months away, they’d decided to quietly separate almost a year to the day after the filming of Supernatural ended. They had talked about delaying the divorce until the following year to reduce speculation about the men getting divorced within six months of each other, but Jensen wanted Danneel to be free to get on with her life.

Danneel’s anger had dissipated and she was being reasonable as they discussed the division of assets. Jensen had established a trust for JJ and Danneel appreciated his willingness to ensure their daughter’s financial security. Danneel had retracted her demand for a house in LA. She finally admitted to herself that restarting her acting career was low on her list of priorities at this point. She was happy being the best mother she could to JJ.

The two families were spotted out in Austin together frequently and the fandom bought into Jared and Gen’s divorce statement; it was clear they took co-parenting seriously. When they were out on the town together, fans always managed to get a few photos. Spilo’s nervous calls about Jared’s career tapered off as the new norm was established.

On the nights Jared and Jensen didn’t have the kids, they frequented The Handlebar. They had a long history of being seen there together so it gave them an easy cover to go out and spend some time together. They struggled not to touch one another in public and sometimes as they drove home they’d talk about how hard it was to hide their relationship. 

On convention weekends, they’d still have their Saturday night date night. They’d been unaware that many in the fandom called the Saturday nights before the J2 Sunday panels “date night”, but they approved. Spilo had recently sent Jared links to some J2 hat communities. There was a lot of wank and vitriol in some of the communities, but it amused Jared to think that some of the “hats” as they were called were convinced that he and Jensen had been together since the first season of Supernatural.

Jared shared some of the more innocuous information from those communities with Jensen. He wanted to protect Jensen from the negativity out there, so he was judicious in what he shared. What meant a lot to both men was that so many people in those communities loved and supported them, whether they were together or not.

Since Jared’s divorce, there were fewer questions about the wives during their panels. It was a welcome change. At each convention, Jensen had a hard time looking put-out whenever Jared hugged him. Mostly he looked pleased or even smug. And there were numerous pictures to prove it. As the convention season dragged on, the fandom squeed repeatedly as Jensen began initiating more hugs and generally looking at Jared like a love-drunk fool.

Both Jared and Jensen got calls from their management with pleas to tone it down, but they just couldn’t, although they tried. In the weeks leading up to Jensen’s divorce, the J2 tinhat community was growing by leaps and bounds. Jared and Jensen had never been A-listers, so most of the convention shenanigans flew under the public radar; only truly invested fans were noticing the change between them.

When another blind item dropped – this time about both of them – Jensen’s management told him to either get divorced already and glass closet it, or get all the way back in. 

_Super Good Friends – Or More?_

_Which two former co-stars are looking super friendly these days? Reports from their former show’s fandom speculate as to whether these two actors are merely as close as ever or has cupid shot his arrow? Rumor has it not even Lucifer himself could keep these two apart._

Jared actually laughed when Jensen read him the blind. Jensen looked at Jared in disbelief. “You think this is funny?”

Jared pulled Jensen into his arms and kissed his temple. “I think it’s inevitable, Jen. I mean, for over a decade there was a community out there dedicated to speculating about our status as friends or more. Now that we’re together, we both know we have a hard time hiding it, so of course there will be rumors. But we’ll just ignore them… until we decide together that the time is right to end the speculation.”

Jensen relaxed into Jared’s embrace. “Do you really think we’ll be able to do it, Jay? Actually come out someday?”

Jared leaned back so he could look at Jensen. “We have to, Jen. I don’t want to hide what I feel for you forever. We have enough money. We have our kids. We have everything we’ll ever need and I have no intention of hiding how happy you make me.” 

When Jensen didn’t respond right away, Jared furrowed his brows. “You do want to be honest about us, don’t you?”

Jensen looked into Jared’s eyes. He took Jared’s face in his hands and kissed him softly. “Of course I do. I love you, Jared.”

When Jensen didn’t continue, Jared pulled back further. “But…?”

Jensen stepped back and sighed as he ran his hand over his face, reminding Jared of Dean. “I just think we should wait for a year. Or two.”

“Two.” Jared said softly as he swallowed to control his emotions. “Two years.”

Jensen stepped forward and grabbed Jared’s hand. “I know that seems like a long time, Jay. But it’s almost been a year since we stopped filming the show and got together. It’ll fly by… and if we wait, maybe we can both secure another show and then it’ll be no big deal.”

“I don’t want to wait that long, Jen.” Jared said quietly. “I feel like I’ve been hiding my feelings forever and I’m just done with it. I wanna start being honest, Jen.”

Jensen hadn’t meant to upset Jared. He pulled Jared into his arms and held him tight. “I love you, Jay. We don’t have to decide today, right? We can talk about it again, ok?”

They tabled the discussion, but it definitely wouldn’t be the last time they talked about when and how to come out.

The week after the latest blind, Jensen drove to Dallas. Jared was in the passenger seat, holding his hand. The silence was heavy. Jensen dreaded the discussion that awaited him once he got to his parents’ house. Jared could feel the tension rolling off Jensen.

As they neared Dallas, Jared spoke. “Jen… I know you’re nervous – and probably scared – about talking to your parents. You don’t have to tell them everything. Just tell them you and Danneel grew apart and leave it at that. There’s no point in poking the hornets’ nest.”

Jensen squeezed Jared’s hand. “I know… I don’t know what I’m going to say yet. Just gonna see how it goes, I guess.”

Jensen signaled a right turn off the highway. He was dropping Jared off at a hotel, just as Jared had dropped him off several months previously. Jensen stopped his SUV well before the lobby so he and Jared would have some privacy to say goodbye. 

Jared held Jensen tightly. As he pulled away, he gave Jensen a soft kiss. “I love you, babe. I’ll be here waiting for you.”

Jensen gave Jared a weak smile and watched him walk into the lobby with their bag. Jensen knew that there was no celebratory dinner which included Jared in his immediate future. At least not at the home his parents shared.

Jensen drove toward his parents’ house. He didn’t hurry; he was in no rush to experience the confrontation he knew awaited him. When he arrived, he pulled into the driveway and turned off the engine of his SUV. He waited for a moment, to collect himself. When he knew he couldn’t wait any longer, he exited the vehicle and walked to the front door. With a trembling finger, he pushed the doorbell.

Moments later, his mother opened the door. “Jensen… come in. It’s good to see you; although, I was surprised to find out your wife and child weren’t accompanying you.”

He’d just arrived and already Jensen could feel his mother’s disapproval. He stepped past his mother and into the foyer. Immediately, he was overcome by the smell the dinner his mother made for them. Already nauseous, the odors made his stomach churn. He was fairly certain he wasn’t going to be able to eat.

Donna looked at Jensen. “No hug for your mother?”

Jensen gave his mother a loose and brief hug as she kissed the air next to his cheek. Donna led Jensen to the great room, where his father waited.

“Alan, Jensen is here.”

Alan looked up at Jensen and smiled. He rose and held out his hand. Jensen grabbed his father’s hand and Alan pumped their hands up and down twice. His standard greeting. “Hello, son.”

“Hi, dad.” Jensen said softly.

Alan headed toward the dining room. “Donna, how long before dinner?”

“About twenty minutes.” Donna responded as she followed her husband.

Jensen trailed his parents and then took a seat across from them at the dining table.

“So, Jensen. It’s good to see you, son. You look well.” Alan’s smile was warm. “It’s nice to have you for a visit outside of the holidays. It would have been great if you’d brought your family. You know we never tire of seeing that granddaughter of ours.”

Jensen cleared his throat and smiled nervously. “I know, dad. I just… had some things I wanted to talk to you about, so I came alone.”

“People are talking, Jensen.” Donna blurted.

“Donna.” Alan admonished. Donna held herself in check. After all, her husband was the spiritual leader of the home and she was to follow his lead.

Jensen clenched his hands into fists as he fought off a wave of nausea.

“What do you want to talk to us about, Jensen?” Alan asked softly. He could see his son was nervous and he wanted to alleviate that as much as he could.

Jensen took a deep breath and began talking. “I didn’t bring Danneel and JJ because it’s them I want to talk to you about. Danneel and I have decided to… end our marriage. We’re going to live in Austin and share custody of JJ and…”

“No.” Donna said harshly. “Jensen, you are not going to embarrass this family by not honoring your commitment to Danneel before God.”

Alan reached over and laid his hand on Donna’s. He gave her a look and she immediately stopped talking. 

Alan looked at his son. “You’ll have to forgive me, Jensen. I’m confused. You’ve been married for almost nine years. You share a child. Why, after all this time and all the sacrifices, would you tear that down?”

Jensen looked at his father. “I… we grew apart, dad. Danneel deserves to be happy so this is the best course of action.”

Donna opened her mouth and then closed it when Alan squeezed her hand.

“Why can’t she be happy with you, Jensen?” Alan asked, his eyes boring into those of his son.

Jensen closed his eyes when he couldn’t hold his father’s gaze any longer. He whispered, “Because I’m not in love with her, dad.”

Donna rose from the table. “Jensen… we know what people are saying. About you. And… and… him.” 

Donna couldn’t bring herself to mention Jared’s name. She wouldn’t because if she did, she might see the truth in Jensen’s eyes and she couldn’t handle that.

This time, Alan didn’t try to control Donna’s participation in the conversation. He looked at Jensen. His son wouldn’t – or couldn’t – meet his eyes. Jensen looked small, folded in on himself. Alan loved his son and he wanted to comfort him, but… there was no way they could support what they all knew was happening here.

Alan cleared his throat. “Son, you know what we believe. Marriage is between one man and one woman. Period. We raised you into our faith and it appears you’ve turned your back on our core beliefs. We cannot support that, Jensen.”

Jensen looked up at his father with tears in his eyes. “I love him, dad. I’ve always loved him.”

Donna began crying. She ran from the kitchen. Alan watched her go. He wasn’t surprised by Jensen’s admission. He’d been on set with them. He’d seen them together over the years. Jensen and Jared had always had a connection that Alan couldn’t begin to understand.

Alan sighed and looked at his son. “You’ve upset your mother, Jensen. You’ve upset me. You’re going to destroy your family… all in the name of sin. It’s forbidden, Jensen. God will judge you by his laws…”

Jensen rose and met his father’s eyes. He held his gaze as he spoke. “Your beliefs are not mine, dad. I’m a good person. Jared is a great person. We can’t help what we feel. And I’m sorry that you don’t approve of my choices, but that’s just it – they’re mine. I’ve never been happier than when I’m with Jared and I’m not going to let you take that away from me because you and mom hold… archaic beliefs.”

Alan looked stunned that his son would have the audacity to stand up to him in his own house. He rose stiffly and responded to Jensen. “Jensen, I can’t have you disrespecting me and my beliefs in my own house. I think you need to leave.”

Jensen stood and looked at his father sadly. “I love you, dad. And I love mom. But I’m not going to live my life being afraid of your judgment anymore. I hope someday you’ll both be a part of my life again; but until you accept that Jared will always be my partner… well, then I guess this is the last time I’ll be seeing you.”

Jensen turned and left his father standing in the dining room. As he walked through the house, he could hear his mother crying somewhere upstairs. Hot tears slid down Jensen’s face as he wrenched open the front door. He paused on the threshold of his parents’ home, briefly wondering if he’d ever cross over it again. Jensen swallowed convulsively and then continued walking to his SUV.

Just as he got to the door of his vehicle, he gagged. He dropped to his knees in the front yard and threw up repeatedly. All he wanted to do was get back to Jared. Jensen knew that he’d find love and acceptance just ten minutes away. All he had to do was get there.

Inside the house, Alan watched his son get sick on his front lawn. He closed his eyes and wondered how they’d ever gotten to this place. He’d tried so hard to raise his children well. He couldn’t understand why things had gone so wrong with Jensen.

A couple of weeks later, Jensen worked with his management to craft the statement about the dissolution of his marriage. He, too, was advised to be brief. On the same day he and Danneel filed for divorce, Jensen’s management company sent out a press release.

_We are amicably ending our 9 year marriage by mutual agreement. We intend to remain close friends and co-parents of our daughter. We ask that our privacy is respected during this time of change._

They’d waited until late on a Friday and hoped that the news cycle would just pass them by. It was a good strategy that resulted in the mainstream media paying their announcement minimal attention. The J2 tinhat communities didn’t miss it, though, and Jared and Jensen spent some time laughing about the wild speculation about what was happening with them. It was some welcome comic relief.

With both divorces behind them, Jared and Jensen focused on their future together. Jensen had his agent work some magic and he surprised Jared with a romantic dinner and concert tickets to celebrate their one year anniversary together.


	20. Benedictus

Jensen and Jared had front row tickets to see 2Cellos at the Austin Music Hall. They went out to dinner at Fixe before the show and arrived a little early to get settled in their seats. Through Jensen’s agent they’d secured back stage access to a meet and greet with Stjepan Hauser and Luka Šulić, the two very talented cellists.

When the house lights were lowered, Jensen reached for Jared’s hand and threaded their fingers together. They smiled at each other as Luka and Stjepan took the stage to the roar of the crowd.

They opened the concert with Benedictus, as they often did. Stjepan looked out at the crowd as he bowed the melody. Next to him, Luka had his head thrown back, his long neck displayed in a graceful arch, as he bowed the background rhythm. Stjepan looked over at Luka several times throughout the piece, a small, almost private, smile on his face.

Jared watched Stjepan watching Luka as they played. For a moment he wondered if the two were together based on the intensity of the way they played together. Mentally, he shook himself. Just because he was in big ol’ gay love didn’t mean everyone was.

After a couple of songs, Stjepan grabbed a mic and greeted the crowd. He smiled at the very enthusiastic response. It was clear he loved what he was sharing with everyone in attendance. “Thank you, Austin! Let’s hear it for my brother, Luka!” 

Jensen had been watching Luka watch Stjapan as he interacted with the crowd. Luka’s expression was soft as he watched Stjepan. To Jensen’s eyes, it was clear that Luka adored his cello partner. He considered that they might be more than on-stage partners and friends. He wasn’t sure, but he wouldn’t be surprised by the way they migrated toward each other on stage, moving in tandem, always perfectly in tune with one another. Jensen let that thought drift away as he continued to enjoy the show.

When Luka began bowing the intro to With Or Without You, Jared leaned over to Jensen and whispered, “I love you.” 

Jensen squeezed Jared’s hand 3 times, which was his silent signal for “I love you” – one squeeze for each word. Jared turned his attention back to the two men on stage wearing a satisfied smile on his face. 

A year previously, they’d been at the wrap party for Supernatural. So much had changed since then. They’d been able to work through all the familial disruption with less than expected trouble. Thankfully, Gen and Danneel had been more understanding than they could have hoped, and they all agreed on one thing: the children came first.

So, while it hadn’t been easy on any of them, they’d rebuilt their lives around the children they all loved, and the children benefited from it. They had daily access to their fathers and had simply accepted that Jared and Jensen now lived in a house together and shared a bed.

Gen had recently shared with Jared that she had fallen in love with a friend of hers. A female friend. Jared congratulated her and promised to openly support her if she decided to go public with the relationship. Danneel was still playing the field. She’d spent the first six months focusing on JJ and mending her broken heart. Lately, she’d been dabbling in dating, but there was no one serious. And she was happy that way.

And Jared and Jensen? They had never been happier, despite all of the upheaval in their lives. From moving back to the US full-time, to finding a new way to create a family with different dynamics; their relationship had only grown stronger, their partnership was more symbiotic than it had been at any other point during the years they’d known one another.

Jensen was still struggling with the fact that his parents had not taken the news about his divorce and relationship with Jared well. Jared spent many evenings just holding him, loving him, trying to take some of the pain away. Jared had his parents come for a visit the previous weekend. Sherri and Gerry had showered Jensen with parental love. It wasn’t the same as having his own parents’ love, but Jensen knew without a doubt that he’d always have the Padaleckis, and that meant a lot to him.

For tonight, Jared and Jensen were both focused on the now. It was a celebration of them; one year together. They’d shared so much over the last twelve months and it was clear that their love could get them through anything, no matter how tough. So, they held hands and watched with awe the amazing duo before them.

When Stjepan and Luka left the stage to the sound of a standing ovation, Jared and Jensen made their way backstage. A small reception area had been set up, offering cocktails, champagne and hors d’oeuvres. Still full from dinner, the two men passed on the food but did grab champagne flutes.

There were maybe 20 other people waiting to meet Stjepan and Luka. There were just three men in the crowd.

“Three dudes in here. We’re probably all gay.” Jared snarked as he and Jensen stood off to the side, observing the crowd.

“Well, at least 66% of us are.” Jensen said wryly, causing Jared to bark out a laugh, attracting some attention.

Suddenly three women came rushing over to them, begging for a picture with them. A nearby woman offered to take the picture. Jared and Jensen posed with their fans and then noted that four other women had joined them. They were also asking for a photo.

When Stjepan and Luka entered the reception area, they were surprised to see most of the people gathered in one corner, getting their picture taken with 2 tall gentlemen, one small group after another.

In Croatian, Luka said to Stjepan. “Are those the guys from Supernatural?” Both Luka and Stjepan were familiar with the show.

Stjepan squinted to get a better look. “Yes. We’ve been upstaged by Sam and Dean.”

Luka laughed. “Let’s go stand in line to get our picture taken with them.”

Stjepan wiggled his eyebrows at Luka. “Agreed! Let’s go.”

Without attracting attention, Luka and Stjepan made their way to the back of the spontaneous line that had formed.

As the last woman strolled away, Jared and Jensen turned in unison and saw Luka and Stjepan wearing big grins.

In lightly accented English, Stjepan said, “Sam and Dean Winchester! What an honor it is to meet you.”

All four men laughed and introduced themselves, shaking hands all around.

“Sorry to have distracted your crowd.” Jared smiled at the 2 Croatian men. “We’d love to chat with you, but insist you start with the others. We’re happy to wait.”

Luka and Stjepan agreed and strolled over to begin mingling with those gathered. Jared and Jensen watched as they moved in unison and would gravitate back toward one another when one had strayed too far from the other.

At one point, while Stjepan was talking with a beautiful admirer of the female persuasion, he unerringly reached over and squeezed Luka’s shoulder. Without missing a beat, Luka reached up and patted the hand that was on his shoulder. Stjepan trailed his fingers down Luka’s upper arm as he withdrew his hand.

Jared leaned toward Jensen. “You don’t think…”

Jensen looked up at his partner and smiled. “Kinda reminds me of us.” Jensen paused. “In earlier days. Before…”

Jared ran his hand up Jensen’s back and gently squeezed the nape of his neck. “Yeah. Before.”

Eventually the women and one man drifted away and Luka and Stjepan rejoined Jared and Jensen. They talked about Supernatural for a bit and then moved on to music. The two Croatian men were thrilled to find out that Jared and Jensen both played the guitar.

“It would be great to collaborate with you!” Stjepan said enthusiastically.

Luka smiled fondly at Stjepan and then looked at Jared and Jensen. “He means ‘jam’”.

Stjepan pulled Luka into a hug. “He always helps me with my English. I don’t always get it right.”

Luka’s cheeks were tinged with pink when Stjepan released him.

Jared jumped into the conversation. “Where are you performing next?”

Luka responded. “We’re playing in San Antonio in 2 days, so we actually have some free time.”

“Down-time!” Stjepan inserted with a grin. Luka smiled and ducked his head. Stjepan squeezed Luka’s shoulder. “Sometimes I help him, too.”

Jensen gave Jared a quick look. When he nodded, Jensen threw out a suggestion. “Why don’t you guys come to our house tomorrow? We could jam, maybe do a little barbeque. We have a pool and jet skis – lots of fun stuff, if you’re interested.”

Luka and Stjepan exchanged glances, coming to a mutual agreement without using any words.

“We would love that.” Luka said enthusiastically. Luka dug his phone out of his pocket, causing several loose pieces of paper to fall to the floor.

Jensen bent down to help him pick them up. As he looked at them, he saw that many of the women had slipped Luka their phone numbers. Jensen held the slips out to Luka. Before Luka could take them, Stjepan grabbed them, adding his own handful.

“The girls… they always give us the numbers.” Stjepan said apologetically as he threw the handful of numbers away as Luka watched, a pleased smile on his face. “Now, your number, we must have.”

Luka and Jared exchanged numbers as Stjepan sought to clarify something about the next day.

“So, Jensen… tomorrow, we go to your house or to Jared’s?” Stjepan asked.

Jensen smiled as he felt Jared’s fingers twine with his. “Our house. We live together.” 

Jared saved Luka’s number and then slotted himself next to Jensen, pressing a kiss to his temple. “Yep. Our house.”

Stjepan and Luka nodded and smiled. They’d been on tour with Elton John so being around gay men was nothing new. They just hadn’t realized that Jared and Jensen were gay.

“Got it.” Luka said. “We didn’t know you were together, but I’m sure Stjepan joins me in wishing you much happiness together.” 

Stjepan rested his hand on Luka’s shoulder. “Of course. You make a very nice couple.” After a pause, Stjepan continued. “A very tall couple!”

Jared and Jensen smiled and said their good-byes. As they walked away, Luka watched them wistfully. The small touches, Jared guiding Jensen with a hand on his back, moving in sync. Luka wanted a love like that.

Stjepan patted Luka’s shoulder. Switching to Croatian, he said, “Let’s get some rest, dušo. We have a big day full of fun ahead of us now.” 

Stjepan led the way to the elevator as Luka trailed behind him, trying to ignore the warmth that always spread through him whenever Stjepan called him his soul.


	21. Shape of My Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: this chapter is nearly all explicit, but there's some schmoop and humor, too. If graphic descriptions of sex isn't your thing, you can skip this chapter without missing any of the story.

Jared and Jensen held hands as they drove back home. While Dean was nearly always the one in the driver’s seat on their show, it was usually Jared behind the wheel in real life. Jensen wasn’t the biggest fan of driving and preferred to passenger whenever the opportunity arose.

They talked about the show they’d just seen. They’d always wanted to see 2Cellos live and they were not disappointed. Luka and Stjepan put on a mesmerizing show. Their passion for music was palpable, and now that Jared and Jensen had met them, they were even more impressed as they seemed to be very nice people as well.

Jared pulled the SUV into their garage and then kissed Jensen softly before they got out of the vehicle. Jared led the way inside. He made his way to the staircase leading to the basement. He smiled back at Jensen. “Come with me.”

Jensen followed Jared downstairs. Jared went to the bar and opened a bottle of merlot. He poured two generous glasses and then handed one to Jensen as he went over to the sound system. Soon, the lower level of their house was filled with the sounds of 2Cellos. Jared had created a playlist of their slower, more romantic pieces in anticipation of some romance with his love.

Jared returned to Jensen, who was leaning up against their bar. He placed his wine glass on the bar and then took Jensen’s glass from his hand and put it down next to his. Jared moved close to Jensen, taking his face in his hands. Jensen smiled up at Jared as Jared leaned in and captured his lips in a heated kiss.

The two men wrapped their arms around each other as the kiss deepened. When Jared sucked softly on Jensen’s lower lip, Jensen moaned. Jared knew how sensitive Jensen’s lips were and he loved to suck and lick them to drive Jensen wild.

Before things could get too heated, Jared broke away and pulled Jensen to the open space between the bar and their billiard table. Jared took Jensen’s hand in his as he pulled him close, moving in time with the music. Jensen laid his head on Jared’s shoulder and let him lead them in a slow waltz.

They danced together through several songs. Each man with his own thoughts, their hearts beating in tandem and in time with the music Jared had selected.

Jensen thought about the hours Jared had spent holding him after his confrontation with his parents. He’d arrived back at the hotel an absolute mess. He nearly fell through the hotel door when Jared had opened it. Jared had taken him in his arms and had effortlessly picked him up, carrying him to the bed. If he were less secure in his masculinity, it might bother him that Jared had picked him up and carried him – not once, but twice now – when he was in emotional distress. 

Secretly, Jensen loved that he could be that vulnerable with someone and know that the only thought in Jared’s mind was to keep him safe. Since the first time he’d jumped into Jared’s arms early in season 1 (a moment that made the gag reel), Jensen had been hooked on the feeling of being in his arms that way.

After the confrontation with his parents, Jared had held him for hours. He had listened to Jensen talk when he’d wanted to. He’d dried Jensen’s tears when he cried. He’d just held Jensen and had whispered words of love. He’d been exactly what Jensen had needed in order to be strong enough to stand up for himself; for them.

Jared’s thoughts were about earlier days, when he first realized that Jensen was something special. He remembered the first time they truly met in the joint audition for their Sam and Dean roles. Jared had been immediately drawn to Jensen, even though he was a bit reserved. Once they began shooting, Jared just wanted to be with Jensen, as often as he could.

Looking back on it now, Jared knew that for him, it had been love at first sight. He held Jensen tighter as he thought about how thankful he was for what he had now. It was really a miracle in the truest sense. There were so many reasons they shouldn’t be where they were now, but despite it all, they’d found one another and had held on, willing to risk everything for a love so profound.

Jared pushed back from Jensen in time with the music. He smiled as he gave Jensen a twirl. Jensen laughed as Jared dipped him, and his laughter trailed off as Jared pulled him up into a heated kiss.

Frantically, Jared began stripping Jensen’s clothes off of him as they kissed, throwing piece after piece away from them and onto the floor. Jensen worked to removed Jared’s clothes, too, but he was having less success because whenever he tried to unbutton something or push something away, Jared’s hands were pulling and pushing him as he hungrily devoured Jensen’s mouth.

Jared was still half-clothed when he got Jensen naked. He pushed Jensen back against the billiard table and dropped to his knees. He looked up at a panting Jensen and gave him a naughty smile. “You’re about to get an anniversary blow job. How do you feel about that?”

Jensen moaned as he watched Jared suck him down. He threaded his fingers through Jared’s hair and gently held his head as Jared licked and sucked his way around Jensen’s cock. Jared knew exactly how to tease Jensen with his tongue. As he slowly swirled his tongue around the tip of Jensen’s cock, Jared looked up into his eyes. Jensen couldn’t look away.

“So hot…” Jensen breathed out in awe. 

There were still days he couldn’t believe that Jared did this to him. Sometimes, usually during their convention panels, Jensen would look at Jared and immediately the image of Jared on his knees sucking him off would come to mind and his cock would quickly grow hard. Jensen had to frequently find innovative and hopefully hidden ways to discreetly adjust himself. Sometimes he’d notice Jared trying to surreptitiously adjust himself, too, as though he’d known what Jensen was imagining.

Jared smiled up at Jensen, his lips stretched around the head of his cock. Jared closed his eyes and sucked all of Jensen into the silky heat of his mouth. Jensen’s thigh muscles trembled in response. Jared wrapped his long fingers around Jensen and began sucking in earnest.

Not long after, Jensen’s orgasm was flooding Jared’s waiting mouth. Jared always held him in his mouth until the last spasm was over and then he’d gently kiss Jensen’s softening cock with love. Jared would then kiss and lick his way back up Jensen’s body until he could kiss him deeply.

Jensen loved the way Jared always ended his blow jobs. It made him feel loved and cherished; taken care of in a way no one had ever done before.

When Jared broke their kiss, he held Jensen in a tight hug.

“I love you so much, Jensen.” Jared whispered next to his ear.

Jensen held Jared close, making a little needy noise he knew Jared loved. As Jared held him tighter, Jensen whispered, “There ain’t no me if there ain’t no you.”

Jared barked out a laugh and pushed Jensen back to look at him. He let his smile slip into a naughtier look. “Hmmm… A little Sam-slash-Dean role playing might be fun…”

Jensen turned pink. Fandom lore always said he was the original Wincest shipper and truth be told, he shipped it. He’d shipped it hard from their first day on set. He’d bought Jared a Wincest phone case once as a birthday gag, but deep down, that image of him and Jared as a Sam-n-Dean couple was the closest he thought he’d ever get to actually seeing what they might look like together.

Jared’s eyes were full of mischief when he pulled Jensen back to him. “So… a little Sam and Dean action turns you on, huh?”

“Jared…” Jensen protested ineffectually. 

Jared kissed Jensen playfully. “I always hoped they’d take the subtext and actually do something with it.”

Jensen blinked at Jared. “You did?”

Jared wrapped Jensen back up in a big hug. “Hell yes… man, if we’d been on HBO or something, I would have been able to live out my fantasies since Sam would have totally been bending Dean over everything in sight…”

Jensen spun out of Jared’s arms. “No way! Dean is totally a top, Jared! He would have had Sam on every surface, in the back seat of the car, out in a field…” 

Jared scoffed. “Absolutely not, Jensen. Sam totally ruled that relationship. Cute little puppy dog eyes got Dean every single time! Dean was… maternal. Like a housewife from the 1950s… Cooking, cleaning, taking care of Sam. He was a big, nelly bottom!”

“You take that back, Padalecki!” Jensen demanded.

Jared turned and wiggled his half-naked ass at Jensen. “Make me, Ackles!”

Jensen grabbed for Jared, who gleefully squealed and ran to the other side of the billiard table.

“Dean Winchester is a big nelly bottom!” Jared cried out as he laughed.

Jensen ducked behind the bar and when he came back out, he had a bottle of flavored lube in his hand. “Oh yeah? Well, we’ll just see who the big, nelly bottom is, _Samuel_.”

Jared shrieked as Jensen ran after him, not caring in the slightest that he was buck naked.

As Jared ran, his pants started to slide off. Eventually he ended up tripping over them and he fell face first over the back of one of the couches. He was trying to push himself back up when he felt Jensen’s hand slide over his ass. He stopped moving and waited for what would happen next.

Jared felt Jensen move in behind him, his hand still gliding from one cheek to the other. The silence was broken by the soft snick of the cap when Jensen used his thumb to open the bottle of lube. Jared sucked his bottom lip between his teeth and held himself still in anticipation of Jensen’s touch.

Without saying a word, Jensen covered his fingers in cherry-flavored lube. He placed one hand on the small of Jared’s back and deftly worked his other between Jared’s cheeks. Jared moaned as Jensen began covering his entrance with the slick lube.

When Jensen dropped to his knees, Jared looked over his shoulder. He could just see Jensen’s eyes, which met his boldly, taking his breath away.

“Oh god, Jen…” Jared breathed out as Jensen slowly spread his cheeks. 

When Jensen’s tongue began exploring his most intimate spot, Jared shuddered, arching his back and pressing into the contact. The way Jensen teased Jared with his tongue made him want to scream with need. As Jensen licked and sucked, he used his hand to slowly stroke Jared’s cock. The sensation of so much contact – so much Jensen – made Jared whine deep in his throat.

Jensen smiled as he continued to tease Jared. He incorporated fingers into the action and began to open Jared slowly, taking his time, enjoying the responses he was getting from his lover. As Jensen’s cock recovered and then began to swell again, he reached down and lubed himself up. After two clean rounds of testing just to be sure, tonight would be the first time there would be no barrier between them.

Jensen withdrew his fingers from Jared, who made a delicious noise lamenting the loss. Jensen gently turned Jared around, wrapping his fingers around Jared’s cock as they were once again face to face, with Jensen still on his knees.

Jensen looked up at Jared as he began to stroke him slowly. 

“Do you miss having me inside you?” Jensen’s voice was rough with need.

Jared’s moaned “Yes…” was all the encouragement Jensen needed to suck him into his mouth. Jensen didn’t tease Jared or take his time. He was ruthless in his technique, doing everything he knew Jared loved, and it wasn’t long before Jared’s come was pulsing down his throat.

Jared was panting hard when Jensen stood to kiss him. Jared’s needy moans as Jensen’s tongue plundered his mouth made Jensen even harder. 

“Wanna be inside you, Jay…” Jensen moaned into Jared’s mouth.

Jared broke their kiss and turned around, offering himself to Jensen as he leaned forward onto the back of the couch. Jensen moved forward and lined himself up. He held the base of his cock as he pressed into Jared. He’d done well when he’d opened him up, so he was able to quickly get to full penetration.

Jensen reached forward and wrapped his hand around Jared’s throat, pulling him backward. Jared allowed Jensen to pull him to a position where his back was arched and Jensen’s face was next to his. Jensen bit down on the cord of Jared’s neck, eliciting a long moan from him as he started to drive himself into Jared again and again.

As the intensity increased, Jensen released Jared and let him fall forward. He used his hands to hold Jared’s hips as he pounded into him. Jensen couldn’t believe how much better it felt to have nothing between them. He could feel every contour and the silkiness inside of Jared.

“Gotta see you, Jen…” Jared said between breaths.

“Wanna see you, too, Jay…” Jensen panted. 

He slowed his thrusts and then gently withdrew himself from Jared, who groaned at the loss. Jensen took Jared’s hand and led him to the floor in front of the fireplace. Jared grabbed a couple of pillows and a blanket off the couch as Jensen started the gas fireplace.

Jared laid down on his back and waited for Jensen as he adjusted the settings on the fireplace. Jensen moved in next to Jared and looked down at him. Jared’s eyes were luminous in the soft light of the flickering fire. Jensen ran the backs of his fingers over Jared’s cheek in a soft caress that caused Jared’s eyelids to flutter.

“Do you have any idea how much I love you?” Jensen asked softly.

Jared blinked rapidly as he framed Jensen’s face with his hands. “I hope it’s almost as much as I love you, Jensen.”

Jensen rolled on top of Jared and kissed him softly. “So much, Jared… I love you so fucking much.”

As Jensen slid himself deep inside Jared, Jared smiled up at him. “I know you do, babe. I know.”


	22. Every Teardrop is a Waterfall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: contains a brief (but explicit) description of oral sex. It's about 2 paragraphs. Unfortunately, this chapter can't be skipped if you want to keep up with the story. Hopefully those 2 paragraphs won't ruin things for those who don't like explicit stories.

The morning after their concert in Austin, Stjepan pulled the rental car up the drive to Jensen and Jared’s house. As the house came into view, Luka’s eyes widened at the sheer size of the edifice.

“Sranje.” Luka breathed out. 

“Shit is right.” Stjepan said with a laugh. “Imagine if we had a place like this, Luka! How amazing would that be?”

Luka’s heart sped up when he thought about Stjepan’s statement. For a moment, he tried to imagine them living together in a house like the one before them. It was beyond anything he could conceive of, for multiple reasons.

Stjepan put the car into Park and looked at Luka, who seemed lost in thought. “Are you ready for a fun day, Luka?”

Luka pulled himself from his thoughts and smiled broadly at his friend. “Yes, I am looking forward to this day.”

Stjepan reached over and patted Luka’s knee. “Me, too, dušo.”

Stjepan turned and left the car so he didn’t see Luka turn pink with pleasure at the endearment. Luka quickly followed and they grabbed their cellos in tandem. Stjepan grabbed his cello from the back seat and Luka grabbed his from the trunk. Stjepan waited until Luka’s cello was clear and then closed the trunk of the car, following Luka up the sidewalk.

Jared immediately opened the door with a big smile on his face. “Stjepan, Luka! Welcome to our home!”

Jensen stood just inside the door. He was also smiling broadly. “Come on in, guys.”

Stjepan and Luka hauled their Yamaha electric cellos into Jared and Jensen’s foyer. Laying them down, they stood and looked around at the expanse of the home the other 2 men shared. It was massive by any standard from the outside, but the open flow of the interior was overwhelming for 2 men who had grown up in homes that could easily fit in the great room found in this one.

Jared and Jensen were quick to usher them through the house and out into the backyard where they’d set up some snacks and beverages in the outdoor kitchen and lanai area. The four men grabbed some food and some coffee and gathered around the table.

“You have a beautiful home.” Luka smiled at Jared and Jensen. Stjepan nodded his agreement as he bit into a chocolate croissant. 

Jared leaned over and softly kissed Jensen before turning to the other men. “Jensen’s the heart of it. I’m a bit helpless when it comes to…” Jared waved his hand around to indicate everything. “But he’s the only thing I need to call any place home, if y’all know what I mean.” Jared’s smiled was big and full of dimples. 

Luka and Stjepan exchanged a quick smile, neither realizing the other was thinking the same thing: with as much as they traveled, as long as they were together, it felt like home. Not that they didn’t get homesick for Croatia, but they were the two constants in one another’s lives and it had be that way for many years now.

Jensen laughed as he gently tucked Jared’s hair behind his ear. “He’s not as helpless as he claims. He designed this whole area, kitchen and lanai included, so don’t let him fool you.”

Initially, Luka and Stjepan were surprised by the ease and frequency of physical affection between Jared and Jensen. They’d been raised very Catholic in a conservative country and while they were perfectly comfortable around gay people, they weren’t used to seeing the intimacy so out in the open.

As the day progressed, both Luka and Stjepan grew accustomed to the way Jared and Jensen interacted. Later in the afternoon, as they were playing 2 on 2 volleyball in the pool, Jared noted that the physical interaction between Stjepan and Luka was more overt. He smiled as they hugged one another after Luka scored the winning point in their current game.

Jensen swam in behind Jared and wrapped his arms around him. “They like each other.” Jensen whispered in his lover’s ear. Jared turned around and took Jensen’s jaw in his hand to steady him.

“I like you.” Jared breathed out as he leaned down for a lingering kiss.

When Luka and Stjepan broke apart from their celebratory hug, they looked to the other side of the pool and saw Jared kissing Jensen deeply, softly stroking his thumb over Jensen’s cheekbone. Luka felt his cock stir and quickly turned to swim after the ball, trying to get himself under control as he cut through the water. Stjepan let his gaze linger thoughtfully on Jared and Jensen before following after Luka.

The men decided against another game and climbed out of the pool.

“Y’all know how to ride jet skis?” Jared asked as he toweled off his hair.

Stjepan and Luka traded wide-eyed looks. “No.” Luka responded for them.

Jensen threw a look at Jared. “You, skis. Me, barbeque?” 

Jared smiled and nodded. Jensen had gone right into efficiency mode where verbs were not required.

“Y’all follow me. I’m gonna teach you something new while Jen gets the barbeque going.” Jared said as he walked toward the boathouse. Soon after, Luka and Stjepan were racing one another up and down Lake Austin.

Jared joined Jensen in the kitchen. Jensen was busy cleaning asparagus to grill with the filets he’d picked up from the butcher that morning. Jared strode quickly to him and took the asparagus out of Jensen’s hand as he spun him around. Jensen barely had time to react as Jared captured his lips in a heated kiss.

Jensen groaned as he felt Jared’s cock grow hard against his leg. Jared growled and pulled Jensen closer, greedily licking his way into Jensen’s mouth. Jensen gasped as Jared slid his hand down into his pants, wrapping his fingers around his hardening cock.

“Jay… the guys… they could come back…” Jensen breathed out with a whimper as Jared started stroking him vigorously.

“Nah…” Jared said as he dropped to his knees. He looked up at Jensen as he pulled his pants down to free his cock. “They just got out there. They’ll be riding for at least 30 minutes. Maybe longer.” Jared said before sucking Jensen’s cock deep into his mouth.

Jensen let his head fall back and lost himself in the sensation of his Jared loving him. Jared had gotten very, very good at blow jobs over the last year and it wasn’t long before Jensen was writhing, begging for release. Jared stopped teasing him and got to work. Soon, he his efforts were rewarded as Jensen shouted his release, flooding Jared’s mouth with his come.

Jared sucked the last drop out of him, kissed his softening cock as he always did, and then quickly rose to kiss Jensen. His kisses were passion-filled and desperate. Jensen spun Jared around and pushed back against the counter.

“My turn.” Jensen said with a smoldering look as he dropped to his knees.

Later, Luka and Stjepan entered the kitchen and found Jared and Jensen finishing the prep for the barbeque. Jared threw some additional lime slices into his big batch of mojitos and Jensen picked up the platter with the filets, asparagus and lobster tails.

Jared smiled at the 2 Croatian men. “Y’all are just in time. You wanna grab those glasses and bring them out back?”

Luka grabbed the stemware and followed Jared out to the patio. Jensen asked Stjepan to grab the sticks of butter off the counter and then they went to join Luka and Jared.

Jared, Luka and Stjepan sat around the table chatting and drinking mojitos while Jensen grilled. Every now and then Jensen would grunt and shout, “Meat! Fire! Good!” making the other three men laugh. Jared would always turn and lock eyes with Jensen, sending him a look full of love.

Soon Jensen was putting plates of food in front of each of them. Everything was perfect: the filets were medium rare, the asparagus was crisp on the outside and just right in the middle and the lobster was grilled to perfection.

When Jensen finally took his seat next to Jared, Jared leaned over and kissed him softly. “Everything is perfect, babe. Thank you.”

Luka smiled and raised his glass. “A toast! To great food, new experiences and new friends.”

“Živjeli!” Stjepan added with gusto.

The men clinked their mojitos and dug into the fare. Conversation was energetic and the mojitos flowed. Luka watched the easy affection between Jared and Jensen and again he found himself envious of the love they’d found with one another. He was unaware of Stjepan’s glances in his direction whenever his eyes lingered on Jared too long. 

For Stjepan, it was instinctual to look over at his cello partner. He did it all the time when they played. Luka would look at him, too, but it was Stjepan who was normally watching his partner with intensity, his deep chocolate brown eyes fixed on Luka’s fingers as they moved up and down the cello.

When the group was done eating, Jared filled up Luka’s and Stjepan’s glasses with the remaining mojito and then he and Jensen got busy cleaning up. In short order, everything was cleared and in the dishwasher. Four hands were far more productive than two.

“Y’all ready to jam?” Jared asked when he appeared back out on the patio.

Luka and Stjepan stood, in sync as usual, and grabbed their mojitos as they moved to follow Jared back into the house. Jensen had moved the cellos to the basement, where he’d set up a music studio. Luka and Stjepan checked out his equipment and shook their heads in wonder.

“You could professionally record an album in here.” Stjepan observed.

Jensen smiled at him as he set up a mic. “I’m in the process of doing just that.”

Luka nodded enthusiastically. “We watched some videos of you singing on YouTube last night. You are very good.”

Jensen blushed as Jared rushed to hug him. Looking at the Croatian men over Jensen’s head, Jared said, “He’s way better than very good. But I’m probably biased.” Jared leaned down and kissed Jensen’s neck before releasing him so he could grab his guitar.

They started with Highway to Hell. Jensen supplied the vocals and the sound was amazing. Luka and Stjepan were having a great time jamming with their new friends. While neither Jared nor Jensen were classically trained on the guitar, they both played with passion and Jensen, as they found out when they played With Or Without You, could sing like an angel.

Jared kept running out, past the billiard table and into the bar to grab shots. It wasn’t long before they were all quite drunk. Jared eventually stopped playing and just sat on the floor watching Jensen sing. As Stjepan glanced at Luka, each time he’d find him watching Jared. Stjepan was starting to wonder if maybe Luka found him attractive. That’s when Stjepan realized he was jealous. The thought surprised him and made him a bit uncomfortable so he poured his emotions into his playing, pushing thoughts of jealousy to the side. 

With his eyes closed, he threw himself into Welcome to the Jungle. He could hear Luka playing the rapid base line – perfectly, despite all of the drinks – next to him. He loved playing like this with Luka at his side. As he’d said once in an interview, he hoped they’d play together forever. Never once had he wavered from that hope.

As the last strains of Welcome to the Jungle rang out in the small studio, Stjepan opened his eyes. The first thing he saw was Luka looking at him. When Luka smiled, Stjepan smiled in return, feeling his stomach do a slow flip when he realized just how much he loved when Luka smiled at him after they’d played well.

Jared startled Stjepan when he clapped. Stjepan looked over at Jared and gave him a big smile.

“Mombasa!” Jared cried out.

Jensen put down his guitar and joined Jared on the floor. Jared pulled him into his arms and held him tightly as Luka and Stjepan began playing.

After a couple of additional requests from Jared and Jensen, the jam session wound down. When Luka stood, he was a little wobbly. Stjepan reached over to steady him.

“Budi oprezan, dušo.” Stjepan said softly.

Luka looked into his friend’s eyes and saw concern there. “I’m ok. I’m always careful.”

Jared held Stjepan’s cello for him as he stood and helped Luka up. 

“Why don’t y’all stay here tonight.” Jared suggested. He didn’t think either of them should be driving. “We have a couple of guest rooms down here.” Jared looked at Jensen. “Babe, can you grab them some t-shirts and shorts to sleep in?”

Jensen smiled and left the studio, making his way to the main level and then up another to their master bedroom. While he was gone, Jared led Stjepan and Luka to the other side of the basement, waving in the direction of two rooms at the far end. 

“The guest rooms are there. Take your pick. And the bathroom is here to the left,” Jared stated. “Fully stocked with shampoo, and stuff. There are new packs of toothbrushes, toothpaste, mouthwash – whatever else you want – in the drawer in the vanity.” Jared blew his bangs out of his eyes. “Let’s see… bottled water in the fridge in the bar… some chips and other snacks in the cabinets behind the bar… you should have everything you need.”

Jensen came barreling down the stairs with extra clothes. “I brought a selection!” he announced as he laid the shirts and shorts out on the billiard table. “Choose whatever you’d like.”

Jared hugged Luka and then Stjepan, thanking them for a great day as he did so. Jensen followed along behind him doing the same. With one last smile, Jared grabbed Jensen’s hand and led him up the staircase.

Luka watched them go, a blatant look of longing on his face, which was did not escape Stjepan’s attention. He thought perhaps the longing was for Jared and he felt jealousy once again. Stjepan continued to watch Luka and then quickly looked away as Luka turned toward him. 

In Croatian Luka asked, “Which room do you want, Stjepan?”

Stjepan shrugged with a smile as he selected an Always Keep Fighting t-shirt and a pair of shorts. “Take whichever you wish. I will be done soon.”

Luka watched Stjepan walk away from him. His look of longing was quickly replaced by a look of raw desire. As the day had passed, he’d been forced to acknowledge that he wanted what Jared and Jensen had with Stjepan. It had been a difficult thing to accept and he still struggled with the knowledge that he felt more for Stjepan than he’d ever realized. Luka sighed and turned his attention to selecting a shirt and shorts. He chose the guest room on the right and went inside, where he quickly changed and then waited for Stjepan to emerge from the bathroom.

When he did, Luka stood and walked toward his friend, smiling at him as he continued to walk toward the bathroom. Stjepan reached out and stopped Luka with his hand before he could get past him. 

“Thank you for a great night, Luka.” Stjepan said softly in their mother tongue. “We have many great adventures together and I’m glad to share them with you. Lijepo spavaj, dušo.”

Luka gave Stjepan and quick hug. As he pulled away, he whispered, “Sleep well, too, my friend.”

Minutes later, while Jared and Jensen made love two floors above them, Luka and Stjepan lay awake in their respective guest rooms. Stjepan was thinking about their day and some of the startling revelations he’d had during various moments of it. 

One room over, Luka stared at the ceiling as the soft light of the full moon filtered in through the sheer curtains covering the window. He thought of things he could never have; things that made him physically ache with need and came close to breaking him mentally. When he couldn’t stay in bed any longer, he got up and left his room. He went to the bar and grabbed some water as his eyes scanned the room. 

He needed air. And space. 

Space between him and Stjepan.


	23. With or Without You

Luka went up the stairs, through the kitchen and directly to the French doors leading out onto the lanai of Jared and Jensen's house. He quietly opened the door, leaving it ajar as he went out into the cool, moonlit night.

Luka walked to the edge of the first level of the lanai and leaned on the demi-wall that separated the first level from the second, which held the swimming pool they’d played volleyball in earlier in the day. Drawing in a deep breath of the crisp night air, Luka worked to control his emotions. He looked up at the moon and the stars, thinking about the universe and its perverse jokes.

For over eight years, he’d been playing alongside Stjepan as 2Cellos. They’d had an easy camaraderie from the moment they met several years before forming their act. The friendship came easy, despite the fact they were intense competitors. As their friendship grew, so had their collaboration, ultimately resulting in the formation of 2Cellos and rapid world-wide acclaim. 

Over the years, they’d shared so much. They’d traveled the world together, touring for over 200 days a year and then spending another 100 days working on new material and recording albums as a team. They’d met presidents, premiers and all kinds of foreign dignitaries. They’d worked with rock stars and opera stars. 

Stjepan had always had side projects with other musicians, winning multiple awards with them. Luka was so proud of the work his friend produced, no matter if it was with him or another musician. Stjepan was a magnificent performer and composer. He deserved the recognition, the accolades, the fame. In Luka’s opinion, the world should never be deprived of Stjepan’s brilliance.

All that aside, no matter what else they had going on, 2Cellos was always the first priority for both of them from the day they formed the group. In that, they were completely aligned. As such, there’d been room for little else in their lives since the fateful day on which they’d uploaded their Smooth Criminal video to YouTube.

They’d both dated over the years, but never seriously. Stjepan had quite the reputation in their homeland. The Croatian media always had an article about Stjepan and some beauty queen. It had always been a bit of a joke for them, because he’d never been serious with any of them. Their first love would always be the cello and the glorious music they made together. In this, too, they were aligned: the music had always been enough for both of them.

It had always been enough until the last 24 hours when Luka saw what he wanted in the relationship Jared and Jensen had. 

And he realized that he wanted that with Stjepan. 

“Ja sam u ljubavi u Stjepan.” Luka whispered into the night air, allowing himself to acknowledge that he was in love with Stjepan for the first time.

As Luka thought about the revolving door of women that came and went through Stjepan’s life, he allowed the tears to come. Quietly he stood, looking at the moon and stars above, with tears running down his face.

Now that he knew the truth in his heart, Luka was full of fear about the future. How could he possibly see Stjepan every day, travel the world with him, but never be able to do anything about his feelings? It would be pure torment to continue to be close to him, knowing what was truly in his heart.

Luka knew that he was going to have to find a way to get past his emotions if he wanted to continue on with 2Cellos. No matter how much he wanted something more with Stjepan, he knew it would be ridiculous to risk everything by holding onto a dream he could never have. If he couldn’t let his feelings go, he’d grow to resent Stjepan and his women. And if Stjepan finally found “the one” and actually had a long term relationship? Well, Luka knew he could never bear that if he held onto this love.

It seemed strange to consider destroying a love so recently discovered, but there was too much at stake. Luka wanted to scream at the injustice of it all. He felt like his heart was shattering into a thousand pieces. He took several deep breaths and dashed his tears away with the back of his hand. He had to be strong; but that could wait until tomorrow. Tonight, he would have his cry and let his heart ache as he let go of a love that could never be.

Luka, in his misery, was unaware of time passing. He just let himself feel what he needed to feel so that he could move past it and go back to being thankful for everything he already had: his cello, his talent, his best friend at his side nearly every day of the year, and life-long financial security for him and his family. It was far more than a boy from Maribor had a right to hope for.

Luka let out a gasp when he felt a hand land on his shoulder. 

“Luka…” Stjepan whispered. “What’s going on?”

Luka averted his face so Stjepan wouldn’t see he’d been crying. 

“Just wanted to get some air, Stjepan.” Luka whispered back without looking at the man who held his heart.

“Why didn’t you come get me? I am happy to sit out here with you.” Stjepan said softly.

Luka stepped away, still keeping his face averted. “I thought you were sleeping.” was all he said.

Stjepan looked at his friend. He could tell something was seriously wrong. It was in the way Luka held himself. Stjepan could always tell exactly what was happening with him based on his body language alone; they were that in tune with one another.

“Look at me, dušo.” Stjepan’s voice was low but resolute. 

Whatever was happening with Luka, he needed him. Stjepan would always be there for him, no matter what weighed on his mind. What Stjepan was most afraid of was that Luka would turn to him and say that he wanted Jared. While Stjepan didn’t want to hear that, because he wasn’t sure his heart could bear it, he couldn’t leave his friend in a time of need. 

“Go back to bed, Stjepan. I’ll be down in a while.” Luka replied softly. He closed his eyes against the pain of having Stjepan so close to him without being able to touch him the way he wanted to so badly.

Suddenly Stjepan reached for Luka’s arm and spun him around. Stjepan gasped when he saw the tears on his friend’s face. 

“Luka… dušo…” Stjepan breathed out. “Talk to me, please…”

Luka didn’t open his eyes and said nothing. It was so hard to ignore how much it made his heart ache each time Stjepan called him his soul.

Stjepan stepped close to Luka and framed his face with his hands as he used his thumbs to wipe his friend’s tears away. Stjepan slowly lowered his hands to his side. “Please tell me what troubles you.”

“I can’t.” Luka whispered, his eyes still closed. “Please just go back to bed, Stjepan. And tomorrow all will be well and we will say that tonight, I had too much alcohol.”

Stjepan wouldn’t leave Luka by himself when he was struggling with something that must be profound. Stjepan reached up and gently cupped Luka’s cheek with his hand. He smiled as Luka leaned into the touch just enough for him to notice. Stjepan suspected then that he knew what was bothering his friend. He felt a great sense of relief wash over him as he made a decision to act.

Stjepan let his fingers trail across Luka’s cheek, then down his elegant neck and then over the skin of his arm as he brought his hand from Luka’s face to take Luka’s hand in his. Stjepan noted that Luka shivered as he’d done so and then held himself completely still as Stjepan began to trace Luka’s fingers with his own. 

Taking a deep breath, Stjepan spoke softly. “I watch your fingers, Luka.”

Luka held his breath as he waited for Stjepan to continue. 

After a brief pause, he did. “When we play together, I watch your fingers fly over the strings as you lose yourself in the music, your head thrown back, your neck arched and a look of pure bliss on your face. I try to match your speed and your rhythm… and sometimes, you’re too fast for even me. But most times, I meet your rhythm and then I close my eyes and my heart swells as our love of music meshes so perfectly that it nearly brings me to tears, Luka.” 

Stjepan continued to trace Luka’s fingers as he waited for the other man to speak.

Finally, when Luka couldn’t stand the silence or the intimacy of Stjepan’s touch anymore, he whispered, “What does that mean, Stjepan?”

Stjepan stopped tracing Luka’s fingers as he brought Luka’s hand to his lips, placing a soft kiss in the palm of Luka’s trembling hand. “It’s a metaphor, dušo. It means that if you are feeling something… about us, the chances are very good that I am feeling it, too. We resonate… with each other.”

Luka opened his eyes and looked down into the chocolate depths of Stjepan’s. He found eyes shimmering with emotion… and love. Luka saw love there and it took his breath away. 

“Stjepan…” Luka breathed out as he took a step toward the man before him. Luka’s eyes were wide with awe as Stjepan held Luka’s gaze with his own and took a step closer. 

Luka stilled as he thought about how wrong things could go if he did as he wanted; as his heart insisted he must. He worried about the consequences, the things they’d put at risk if he just bent his head down a little bit and took Stjepan’s lips with his own. Their families… and the hopes and dreams they had of daughter-in-laws and grandbabies. Their fans. Risking everything they’d built for love. Luka blinked rapidly as tears flooded his eyes.

Stjepan looked up into the eyes of the man who had been his partner in life for so long. He could see the torment of expectations and familial disappointments and judgment warring within. Stjepan took a shaky breath; having only just realized his feelings for Luka, he was no better equipped to deal with the internal struggle he knew they were both facing. Nevertheless, in many respects he had more life experience than Luka did and therefore, he felt strongly that he had to be the one to show Luka that they had choices. 

“Luka… it’s ok. You are free to choose whichever life you want.” Stjepan whispered. “No matter your choice, everything will be ok for us… between us. I promise we’ll be ok. But, if the path you want is with me, don’t make me wait… please.”

“Moje ljubavi…” Luka whispered as he framed Stjepan’s face with his hands. 

As Luka’s words – “my love” – registered with Stjepan, he smiled up at Luka through watery eyes. “Dušo…”

Luka leaned in and softly pressed his lips against Stjepan’s. Immediately, he felt the electric connection between them. Stjepan wrapped his arms around Luka as he threaded his fingers through Stjepan’s hair, using the leverage to deepen the kiss.

Stjepan moaned as Luka’s tongue found his. The two men mirrored each other perfectly as the passion of their kiss grew. Luka smiled through the kiss as Stjepan ran his hands over his ass, pulling their hips closer. Stjepan always oozed barely concealed sexual energy and Luka wasn’t surprised that he would immediately move to initiate more intimate contact.

Luka broke their kiss and pulled Stjepan into a hug. “Maybe we should take this slow, Stjepan.”

Stjepan smiled up at the moon above. While he was ready to jump right into this new thing with gusto, Luka, as was his nature, would always want to go slowly, carefully. Stjepan kissed Luka’s elegant neck softly and then whispered, “My Luka, always so careful and deliberate.”

Luka pulled back and looked at Stjepan pensively. “Are you unhappy with me?”

Stjepan leaned up and kissed Luka gently. “Never, dušo. Without you, I would run around like a mad man. I’d have no focus… and I would rush right into this, even though we will face difficult times. We should consider and prepare for those. You are the perfect counterbalance to me, Luka.”

Luka smiled tentatively at Stjepan. “Just don’t let me weigh you down.”

“Luka…” Stjepan breathed out. “That could never happen. I have all my best times with you. Being together would only make everything… better, more intense, more memorable.”

Luka smiled at Stjepan. “I agree… you do have all your best times with me.”

Stjepan laughed and pulled Luka into a playful kiss that quickly turned passionate. Stjepan groaned loudly as Luka broke away again.

“We agreed to take things slow, Stjepan.” Luka said with a gentle smile.

Stjepan blew his long bangs away from his forehead. “I know… you’re right.”

Luka leaned in and kissed Stjepan softly. “That doesn’t mean we can’t go back downstairs and make out though…”

Stjepan’s eyes lit up as Luka grabbed his hand and quickly led him back into the house and down to the room he’d chosen. 

One floor above, Jared turned away from their bedroom window and pulled Jensen into a hug. “That looked promising…”

Jensen sighed softly, a smile on his face as he remembered the first kiss he and Jared had shared. “Yeah… I think they’re going to be very happy together.”

Jared turned and tugged Jensen back to their bed. “Me, too, Jen. Me, too.”

In the morning, Luka led Stjepan up the stairs and into the kitchen. Jared and Jensen were already up and were putting the final touches on breakfast.

“Dobro jutro.” Stjepan smiled as Jared and Jensen turned to look at their new friends.

“Good morning?” Jared guessed, his eyebrows raised to indicate a question.

“Yes… Stjepan bid you a good morning.” Luka said with a smile of his own for their hosts. 

Jensen grabbed a big platter of scrambled eggs, bacon and toast and brought it to the table. 

“Sit. Food.” Jensen said with a smile as he went back to the kitchen for the carafe of coffee.

Jared snagged him on the way and gave him a kiss. “Y’all could use verbs with our guests, Jen. They’re not used to your efficiency mode.”

Stjepan laughed as he steered Luka to the table with a gentle hand in the small of his back. “It is ok. I like this way of talking. It makes a point.”

Luka smiled as Stjepan pulled his chair out for him before taking the seat next to him and casually draping his arm across Luka’s shoulders.

Jared sat across from the 2 men as Jensen brought the coffee and took a seat next to him. 

“Eat up!” Jensen said as he reached for the coffee.

The men filled their plates with food and ate with enthusiasm. Stjepan and Luka shared looks and small touches throughout the breakfast as they regaled Jared and Jensen with stories from their tours.

Stjepan told them about their tour in Japan several years prior and how they had to do over 20 takes just to say two sentences in Japanese. Every take, they tried valiantly to get through the short script and each time one of them – mostly Stjepan – would dissolve into laughter. They did take after take, trying to be serious, but that just made them laugh at each other harder. 

When Stjepan snuck a look at Luka as he finished the story, Luka was watching him with his heart in his eyes and Stjepan saw so clearly for the first time the sheer intensity of Luka’s love for him. It took his breath away and, without conscious thought, he instinctively leaned in to kiss him. 

When Luka’s eyes darted to Jared and Jensen, Stjepan started to pull back, but then as he did so, Luka started to lean in but then he stopped when he saw Stjepan pulling back. Stjepan blew his bangs off his forehead and then leaned in to capture Luka’s lips with his own, letting the kiss linger. He smiled softly at Luka as they broke apart. 

As Stjepan and Luka sat back, Jared and Jensen smiled at them. 

“It gets easier. You’ll get your timing down. It’ll be just like playing the cello.” Jared said with a smile as he turned his head to look at Jensen. “And, in case you’re wondering, it’s absolutely worth the risk. I’m sure y’all are worrying about your families, your fans, your friends. We went through the same thing. But… at the end of the day, what will matter most is that you have each other – and together, you’ll be able to conquer anything.”

Jensen took Jared’s hand in his, lifting it so he could kiss his knuckles. “I wouldn’t change a thing.” Jensen’s voice was strong and sure. “Not one thing.”

Jared beamed at Jensen and then turned to the other men. “We, uh… suspected that y’all liked each other.”

Luka blushed and Stjepan nodded ruefully. “Yes… I suppose what was not obvious to us was painfully so for you.”

Jensen leaned forward and looked at Stjepan and Luka. “Y’all are together all the time like Jared and I were. Sometimes you don’t realize what you have until you realize you’re about to lose it. Other times, you may see something elsewhere and come to the realization that what you’ve been looking for has been with you all along. For us, it was a little of both. For y’all, it’s the latter.”

Jared let the Croatian men ponder Jensen’s point for a moment and then added, “We’re just glad you had the courage to take that first leap. It wasn’t that long ago for us, so we know it’s scary. You’ve done something very brave, and you should be proud of what you’ve found together: a partnership on multiple levels. We’re proud of you both and will always be here if you need us.”

Stjepan and Luka reached for each other’s hands as Stjepan said, “If it weren’t for you both showing your love for one another to us, we may never have realized, so we owe you a great debt.”

Jared smiled broadly. “Oh no… y’all don’t owe us anything. Just tell Jen his breakfast is amazing and we’ll be even!”

Luka and Stjepan laughed, glad for Jared’s ability to lighten the mood and turn them to a new topic.

After breakfast, Jared and Jensen walked Luka and Stjepan out to their rental car. After loading the cellos, Luka joined Stjepan and their hosts to say good-bye. Four hugs all around and then Luka slid his hand into Stjepan’s, squeezing it gently.

“Thank you. So much.” Luka said to both Jared and Jensen.

Stjepan raised his hand, bringing Luka’s along with it. “Thank you. For everything.” Stjepan looked at their entwined hands pointedly. “As I said, we may never have… understood… what we have if it weren’t for you both.”

Jensen slid his hand into Jared’s. “You’re both welcome here any time. Next time you want a few days off, call. We’ll always have room for you.”

As Stjepan and Luka pulled away and drove off to their next adventure, Jared pulled Jensen into a hug. 

“I fucking love you, Jensen Ackles.” Jared whispered fiercely in his ear.

“I know, babe.” Jensen said in return. “I know.”


	24. I'm Coming Out, I Want the World to Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place in September of 2021.

Jensen was waiting on Jared. Not for the first time. 

Over the years, he’s joked that if he were to write a book, he’d call it “Waiting on Jared”. At a convention, someone had asked him, after 10 years on the set, if he were to write a book, what would the title be? He’d responded, “Still Waiting on Jared”. 

Jensen decided to check his email while he waited. His face lit up with a big smile as he saw that Luka and Stjepan had sent him one. He clicked to open the email and began reading. His smile grew as his eyes misted over.

“Jared!” Jensen yelled.

“I know… I know… I’m almost done. Five minutes…” Jared let his sentence trail off as he took another stab at tying his tie. Just once he wished he could manage this on his own. “Dammit…” Jared said as he ripped the tie off and started over.

“Just come here. And bring that damn tie with you.” Jensen yelled from the bedroom of their hotel suite in LA.

Jared sighed and walked out of the hotel bathroom. “Jen, you know I gotta learn to do this…”

“Shhhh. Come read this. And give me the fucking tie.” Jensen demanded as he stood, waving Jared into his seat.

Jensen stood behind Jared and grumbled. “You don’t have to learn how to tie them yourself. You’ll always have me… but you’re so stubborn…”

Jared looked at the screen of Jensen’s laptop. He smiled when he saw it was an email from Luka and Stjepan.

“Shhh… stop talking, Jensen. I’m reading.” Jared said as he reached around to touch Jensen’s leg, wrapping his hand around his thigh.

_Dearest friends,_

_We know tonight is your big night. Your “coming out” party, so to speak. Luka and I want to send you our love and our best wishes for the evening. We are thinking of you as you bravely show the world the amazing love you two share._

_We want you to be the first to know that I have asked Luka for his hand in a life-long legal partnership and he has both humbled me and has made me the happiest I’ve ever been by agreeing. I realize that does not sound very romantic, but we cannot yet get married in Croatia so we will make it as official as they’ll let us and then lead the fight for full equality._

_First though, we must reveal our love to the world. We intend to do that tomorrow before our concert in my hometown of Pula, as we have now told everyone in our personal lives about how things are and will be between us. The news was met with varying degrees of acceptance. We are lucky, though, to still be welcome in our childhood homes. Often, this process does not go well for others in Croatia, so we are thankful._

_I’ve attached our press release for you to review for 2 reasons. First, we wanted you to know – and to see it first. Second, we are naming you both as our inspiration, with your permission, of course. Certainly, if you wish for us not to mention our friendship with you, we will respect your wishes. Or, if you decide tonight that it’s not the right time to reveal your relationship, we’ll be watching and will make sure to remove any mention of you if your plans change._

_Again, please accept our heart-felt congratulations on your big night._

_With much love,  
Stjepan and Luka_

Jared wiped the tears from his eyes as he turned to look at Jensen. Jensen slipped Jared’s perfectly-tied tie over his head as he bent down to kiss him softly. 

“Amazing, right?” Jensen whispered.

Jared nodded. “Yeah. They’re so brave, Jen.”

Jensen kissed Jared again before pulling away. “Read the press release. Then you’ll know how brave they are.”

Jared turned back to the computer and toggled to the open Word document. Jared held Jensen’s hand as he read.

_**For Immediate Release** _

_Stjepan Hauser and Luka Šulić have been musical partners for almost a decade. During that time, they have enjoyed a tremendous amount of international success together as the duo known as 2Cellos. Over the years, they’ve brought joy and happiness to their fans through their albums and live performances as they’ve toured the world._

_Now, it is with their own great joy and happiness, they announce their intention to establish a legal life-partnership in their home country of Croatia. While full marriage is not yet available to them in the place of their birth, they look forward to formalizing their relationship within existing laws._

_Stjepan and Luka want their fans to know that their love of the cello, and music in general, is only exceeded by their love for one another. For the last two and a half years, Stjepan and Luka have been partners in all things, including building a home together in Zagreb._

_From their home base, they will be leading the fight for full marriage equality in Croatia for their fellow citizens who wish to marry, as they hope to one day soon. Their greatest wish is that their family, friends and fans will join them in calling for full equality under the law for all Croatian people._

_Stjepan and Luka have many people to thank for their support over the years, and they have done so privately. They do, however, wish to thank two very dear friends who helped Stjepan and Luka recognize their place together through their willingness to freely show the depth of the love they have for one another._

_To Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki – you have our unending thanks and appreciation for openly loving one another without fear and without restraint. You gave us the courage to acknowledge and embrace our love for one another and we will be eternally grateful._

_Stjepan & Luka_

“God… Jensen.” Jared breathed out. “That’s amazing. Fucking amazing!”

Jensen wrapped his arms around Jared from behind. “Let’s send them a quick email and then we need to go or we’re going to be late.”

Jared nodded and started typing.

When he was finished, Jared stood and let Jensen slide his suit coat up his arms and onto his shoulders. Jared spun around and spread out his arms.

“How do I look?” Jared asked with a smile.

Jensen’s eyes traveled up at down Jared’s frame, noting the perfect fit of the white silk shirt beneath his custom-tailored black tux. He looked like a dream, with a perfectly tied tie.

“Beautiful, Jared.” Jensen said softly. “You’re always beautiful to me.”

Jared kissed Jensen gently. “As you are to me, Jensen Ackles. You’re gorgeous.”

Jensen smiled at Jared, took a deep breath and then lowered himself to one knee. As he reached into his pocket and brought out a small box, which he quickly opened to reveal two matching platinum rings, Jared’s eyes grew wide.

“Jensen…” Jared breathed out as tears started to form in his eyes.

“Jared.” Jensen said softly. “You’re everything to me. I love you more than my own life and I know that I will feel this way about you until my last breath. Will you make me the happiest man on this planet? Will you marry me?”

Jared lowered himself to his knees, thinking about the night when he and Jensen first acknowledged their love for one another. They’d been on their knees then, too.

“Yes… Jen… One thousand times, yes.” Jared whispered as Jensen slipped Jared’s ring on his finger.

“I love you.” Jensen said simply.

Jared grabbed Jensen’s face and kissed him senseless as happy tears rolled down their cheeks.

Forty-five minutes later, the limo pulled up outside the Microsoft Theater, home of the Emmy Awards. 

Jensen pulled Jared’s hand to his lips and kissed the palm of his hand. “Ready?”

Jared leaned in and kissed Jensen softly. “Definitely.”

Jensen opened the door to the limo and slid out. Jared followed him and then stood next to him, taking in the scene. People were milling about in the waiting area, chatting with former and current cast-mates, significant others and friends. There were staff members gradually directing stars toward the red carpet in order to keep a constant stream of stars moving through the media gauntlet before entering the theater.

Jensen saw his current co-star, Timothy Olyphant, standing a few yards away. He tugged on Jared’s finger and they headed in that direction. Tim smiled when he caught sight of sight of his friend.

“Jensen!” Tim smiled broadly, as he pulled him into a quick hug. “Big night, huh? Congratulations on the nomination for Best Supporting Actor in a Drama, man. You’re gonna win.”

Jensen blushed briefly and clapped Tim on the shoulder. “Thanks, man. It’s an honor just to be nominated. And much of the credit goes to you, as the lead.”

Tim shook his head. “We make a good team, Jensen. Really, having you as a co-star has really taken the concept of the show to a whole new level. Speaking of teams, I feel like I recognize the guy standing right behind you…”

Jensen smiled at Jared and pulled him closer to the conversation. “Tim, do you know Jared Padalecki?”

Jared and Tim shook hands. “No, but I feel like I do from all of your stories. You guys killed it on your show. Seriously – best duo ever. How ya doin’, Jared?”

Jared smiled. “Great, great. Good to finally meet you, man. I hear lots of stories about you, too.” 

Tim poked Jensen in the arm. “So, Ackles, where’s your date? You got some hot thing waiting around for you somewhere?”

Jensen wasn’t out yet to the cast of his new show, “Totally Justified”, a sequel-like reboot of Tim’s previous hit show, “Justified”. This time, the show had full major network support and it was a runaway hit with Jensen as Tim’s closest confidant in the US Marshall Service.

Jensen took a deep breath and tried for a confident smile. “Jared’s my date.”

Tim nodded with a smile. “Good plan, man. Bring a friend… hit some after parties and then have your own. I’m for it. Would have done it myself if I hadn’t been happily married all these years…”

Jensen stepped closer to Jared and took a hold of his hand, threading their fingers together. “No… I mean he’s actually my date.” Jensen let that sink in. He hoped, based on Tim’s role in the movie, The Lonely Hearts Club, he’d be supportive.

Tim’s eyes widened in surprise and then he pulled Jensen into a hug. “That’s great, man. Congratulations. You two always did have an amazing chemistry on-screen.” Tim grinned over at Jared as he released Jensen. “Congrats, Jared. I’m happy for you guys.”

Jensen released a breath and let himself relax. Things were off to a good start.

“Wait… Jensen…” Tim said with his eyes wide. “Are you… publically coming out tonight? Here?”

Jensen nodded. “Yeah… we’ve been together for over three years now. I don’t want to hide anymore, Tim. I can’t…”

“Woooo!” Tim let out a woop. “Awesome. Listen, I’m right here for ya, man. All the way.” Tim’s wife picked that moment to come back from the Ladies’ room. 

Smiling at her husband, she asked, “What’d I miss?”

Tim caught her up, made introductions and then the two couples spent some time talking and getting to know one another. It wasn’t long before the staff came and started ushering them to the line for the red carpet. Jensen swallowed as they neared the carpet. He fought off his nervousness.

“You ok?” Jared whispered in his ear. “If you want to wait, I get it… Whatever you decide, I will fully support, Jen.”

Jensen smiled up at the man who had held his whole heart for so long. “I’m good, Jay. Let’s go.”

Jensen took Jared’s hand in his and strode confidently out onto the carpet. He waved at the crowd with his free hand as he and Jared moved to the first position in front of the press. The photographers were shouting his name, asking for him to turn in one direction or another for them to get a good shot.

“Jensen!” one of the photographers yelled, “Where’s your date?”

Jensen held up his hand, bringing Jared’s along with it. He then pointed at their hands and smiled as he said, “You’re looking at him.”

There was a brief pause and then people started shouting questions as the stunned fans behind them began screaming out Jared and Jensen’s names.

“Jensen – are you saying that you and Jared are a couple?” one of the photographers in the front yelled.

Jensen smiled up at Jared, who was beaming at him proudly. “Yes. That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

Flashes came from everywhere all at once. Shouts for a kiss followed. 

The crowd grew quiet as Jared gently laid his hand along Jensen’s jaw. They gazed at one another as Jared leaned down and captured Jensen’s lips in a soft, lingering kiss. They smiled into each other’s mouths as the flashes from cameras memorialized the moment and the fans screamed and cheered.

When Jared and Jensen broke apart, Tim rushed up and pulled them both into a hug. Turning, he looked out at the reporters. “I am so proud of these guys! And so happy for them. Jensen’s an amazing actor and cast-mate and I want to go on the record, wishing these two guys every happiness.”

Tim jogged back to his wife and both couples continued to move through the line. At each stop, the photographers and camera operators begged for Jared and Jensen to kiss. They obliged, feeling freer than they ever had before. They talked to a few reporters, doing short interviews and providing more details about how long they’d been together, the life they’d built and Jensen fielded questions about his show. Through it all, Jensen never once let go of Jared’s hand.

Later, Jared looked on with his eyes full of happy tears, as Jensen gave his acceptance speech.

“Thank you so much for this recognition.” Jensen started, his eyes locked with Jared’s. “First, I want to thank Tim Olyphant. He’s a great actor and, more importantly, a good person and friend. I’d like to thank the rest of the cast for their exceptional work; our writers and guest directors for giving us amazing stories to tell. I’m so thankful for the opportunity to help bring their stories to the screen. I want to thank Gerry and Sherri Padalecki, my siblings and my children. Tom, JJ and Shep – I love you so much. I’d also like to thank JJ’s mother, Danneel Harris, for being an amazing co-parent and true friend.” 

Jensen paused, blinking back tears. “And finally, I want to thank the greatest love of my life… and soon to be husband.” Jensen paused again as the crowd cheered. “Jared Padalecki… your love, friendship and support have been a constant in my life for almost two decades. The last three years have been incredible as we’ve built a beautiful life together that I cherish deeply. Every single day, you bring me so much peace and happiness. I love you, babe.” With his free hand, Jensen wiped an errant tear away as he raised his Emmy high. “Thank you all so much.”

Jensen was ushered off the stage, leaving behind a standing ovation and many tear-filled eyes.

Years later, sometimes Jared would stand in their memorabilia room, looking at Jensen’s impressive array of Emmys for both acting and directing. He’d managed to win a few himself for acting, but he loved looking at Jensen’s awards one by one. He could remember every single acceptance speech. That first one, though, would forever be his favorite.


	25. Viva La Vida

Half a world away, through a live-stream, Stjepan and Luka watched Jensen give his acceptance speech with tears in their eyes. When the camera focused in on Jared’s reaction, Stjepan and Luka smiled as they took in their friend’s beaming face. Jared had tears rolling down his cheeks but his sheer joy at Jensen’s success radiated through the TV.

“I’m so happy for them.” Luka sighed, thinking about what he and Stjepan were about to do.

Stjepan looked at his lover. He was everything to him. Stjepan pulled Luka into a tight hug. “Me, too, dušo. Now, it is our turn.”

Stjepan kissed Luka as he released him from their hug. He grabbed his phone, hit redial on a number, and then said, “Go ahead. Release it.” Stjepan paused and looked into Luka’s eyes. “Yes, I’m sure.”

Later that evening, Stjepan and Luka shared a long hug before grabbing their cellos, joining hands and walking out together – connected – onto the familiar stage in Pula. They smiled as the crowd before them roared. There were a few empty seats. The facility manager reported that there were around 200 unused tickets after their earlier announcement. They’d expected that there would be fall out, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as they’d thought it might be. They wouldn’t let those people dampen their mood, though. They were desperately in love, their careers were still soaring and their families were in the front row joining the crowd in a standing ovation.

Triumphantly, Luka and Stjepan walked to the front of the stage and thrust their cellos into the air as they raised their joined hands. The crowd went wild. Almost immediately, chants of “Kiss him! Kiss him! Kiss him!” filled the air.

Stjepan and Luka looked at one another, shared a soft smile and then a gentle kiss to the sound of people clapping and cheering for them.

The energy in the stadium was palpable and Luka and Stjepan played with their hearts and souls. 

After a couple of songs, Stjepan grabbed a mic. “Good evening, Pula! My hometown!” he said excitedly with a smile on his face. “Thank you for the warm welcome and the support you’ve shown us tonight. You don’t know how much Luka and I appreciate the love you’ve given us here this evening. Speaking of Luka… what do you think about my soon to be husband? Is he not great?”

Stjepan purposely used the word husband, not only because that was how he thought of Luka, but also to reinforce the message that they were going to fight for marriage equality.

Luka ducked his head as the crowd cheered.

“You know, I am making him a very lucky man soon.” Stjepan joked and the crowd laughed.

Stjepan looked at Luka and smiled softly. “Actually, let me be serious for just one moment. It is I who is the lucky one. Luka had the courage to leap and I followed him. It is he who makes me the luckiest guy on earth. We’d like to dedicate our next song to our dear friends, Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki.” Stjepan waited while the crowd cheered. “In early days, they helped us through so much and Luka and I are indebted to them for their friendship and support. So… here we go.”

Luka and Stjepan picked up their cellos and soon Carry On Wayward Son filled the auditorium. It was a special arrangement Luka and Stjepan had worked on as a tribute to their friends in recognition of their two meaningful evenings.

As the show wound down, Luka picked up the mic. “As our last selection, we have an old, familiar song which we will perform in a way you haven’t seen before, unless you saw our original video so many years ago. Thank you for coming to our show tonight – Stjepan and I are humbled by your support.”

Luka set down the mic and his cello and then stood and moved behind Stjepan. With Luka wrapped around Stjepan and both of them bowing on one cello, they played Every Teardrop is a Waterfall. As the last note reverberated through the stadium and out into the darkness of the night, Stjepan turned his head and he and Luka kissed until there was nothing but silence.

For a moment, the crowd was still, but as Luka and Stjepan pulled away with a soft smile meant only for each other, the crowd leapt to their feet and gave them a standing ovation.

A week later, a package arrived in Austin. Jared gleefully tore it open. “Jen! It’s here!”

Jensen came running down the stairs. “Did you make popcorn?”

Jared laughed. “Dude… it literally just arrived.”

Jensen smiled. “Ok – I’ll go make it. Downstairs?”

Jared nodded as he flipped the DVD over and looked at the cover. Stjepan has written them a note.

_Dearest Jared & Jensen,_

_Luka and I hope you enjoy our amazing concert in Pula. Also, I’ve sent you both a bracelet hand-made in my country. You’ll note the engraving in the silver plate says, “Vječni Prijatelji”. It means “Eternal Friends”. Luka and I hope that you’ll accept these as a token of our respect, admiration and friendship for you both._

_With much love,  
Stjepan_

Jared and Jensen, wearing their bracelets from their Croatian friends, held hands and fed each other popcorn as they watched the concert in Pula. When it was over, Jared laid his head on Jensen’s shoulder.

“God, that was so romantic at the end. And their arrangement of Carry On Wayward Son… it was amazing. They’re amazing.” Jared said softly as Jensen rested his head on Jared’s.

“It was and they are.” Jensen agreed. “What a crazy week it’s been.”

Jensen was specifically thinking about the card that had come in the mail yesterday. It had been from his father. The note was simple, but it was the first contact they’d had since Jensen had told his parents about his divorce and relationship with Jared three years earlier.

_Jensen,_

_Congratulations on your Emmy. I’ve been watching your new show. Haven’t missed an episode. I remember when you used to call me every week when you were on Supernatural and we’d discuss your performance. If you’d ever want to call and talk about your work on your new show, our number hasn’t changed._

_I miss you, son._

_Dad_

Jared sighed. “I know. I never could have predicted the way this week would turn out. I’m so glad my future is with you, Jensen Ackles.”

Leaving thoughts of his parents behind, Jensen squeezed Jared’s hand. “And I’m glad my future is with you, Jared Padalecki. Speaking of which, we have a wedding to plan. Let’s get to it!”

Jared jumped up and pulled Jensen with him. “So, I’ve been thinking about music and I…”

Jensen kissed him. “Luka and Stjepan playing classical pieces during the ceremony and then kicking off the reception with Carry On Wayward Son as we walk in, followed by Mombasa to keep the energy high and then our first dance to Every Teardrop is a Waterfall, which they’ll play on one cello to really amp up the gay. Finally, Louden Swain playing the rest of the night so people can dance and our friends all have a place in our celebration.”

Jared flushed with pleasure as he kissed his soon-to-be husband. “I love you, Jensen.”

Jensen smiled and winked at Jared. “I know you do, babe. I know.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is a cute little universe I've created to amuse myself with a what if scenario. This is an homage to Jared, Jensen, Luka and Stjepan. It is not meant to imply that I believe any of them are anything other than what they portray to us on a daily basis.


End file.
